He became her minds perfect vacation destination.

Dear Diary:

Well here I sit at a Starbucks an hour and half from home, still can’t believe I drove all this way to meet him, I mean ya! Richard and I have been chatting for months online, but here I am going to physically meet him face to face, flesh to flesh, scent to scent. I’ve learned a lot about him, but not everything there are parts of his reality I know he’s hiding from me, and I can’t quit put my finger on it, could be he’s married or engaged or something, there is something holding him back. Thru or chats I’ve asked the odd question or asked to meet up and he’s always had some excuse like his son can’t be home alone, and I understand that he’s a young man and is still not able to be left alone for long or he would just avoid the question altogether and change the subject on me. But I finally got my meeting, ultimatum in hand it was either show up or I’m gone. Honestly didn’t think it would happen, I figured he would disappear from my screen and I would be left with yet another man that does the vanishing act. I mean should I ever find out he lied to me; I would be history I don’t do lies of any kind. All he would have to do is tell me the truth and allow me to decide if he was worth me being his mistress if he was married, but if he only had a girl friend I would probably tell him lets see if you can handle two girl friends cause I would want what she has, and since it’s not permanent or official she is obviously not doing something for him, or to him lol. I would demand a fighting chance for him to decide which one of us he wants to be with, and he would have to let the other go. I know it’s the same sort of situation but, if he’s married there are other things to consider, I mean some couples have everything except for one or two elements like in his case it would probably be the spontaneous outburst of lust, or since he’s out of work to finally and for a short time be the ruler of his domain the king if you will. I can honestly say that the mistress role wouldn’t bother me at all, but to know I was just a side chick while he wines and dines her and all I get is the odd hookup nope he’s a player. There is no perfect marriage and I know that there comes a time when one or both partners are seeking something, they’re lacking from each other, I’ve known couples that have an open marriage for just this reason. I’ve never been the type of person to judge anyone else’s relationship and how they live it, if it isn’t hurting anyone and not breaking the law have at it.  I also want to dance with his demons, I know he has them I can hear them in his text’s and the way he talks from time to time. To be honest for right now I just want to feel his arms around me, I want them to squeeze me so tight that it heals my soul. He’s so handsome and sensual, with his boyish grin shining like Denise the Menace LOL. I’ve seen it in the pic’s he’s sent me, and that’s the other thing he’s never called me on the phone or video chatted with me which leads me to believe he’s hiding something, but I let it go a few tries at demanding a video chat or at the very least a phone call ended in a couple of days of little to no chat, which both pissed me off and hurt me, and yet her I am just waiting for him. A player he maybe but I need to be sure either way. I am trusting him with the rope I’ve given him hoping he’ll either run from the noose or if he will confess and allow me to decide weather, I hang him or agree to the terms and conditions he has on our relationship. I’m a fifty year old widowed woman and can decide for myself if what he offer’s is something I can handle or even want in my life right now, he doesn’t need to take the choice away from me. Jesus is he even gonna show up at this point lol, or will I be ghosted once again ah! If he doesn’t show then I have my answer and my next move. Man! I hope he doesn’t take one look at me and realize I’m a little more than he can handle or want both in mind and body. Well too late now I’m here already, I’ve waisted the gas and now it’s up to him. He’s always assured me that he loves his woman with curves and rolls, odd to me but then I love a man’s beard and chest even their belly’s so really, I guess it’s no different. He says I’m sensual in a submissive way, which I still don’t understand how or why he was able to find that side of me. Well I was kind of hoping writing an entry would help with the nerves before he gets here, but I’m not sure it’s working LOL. Well at least it’s a beautiful June day, sun is out and it’s warm, I ended up wearing one of my cleavage shirts and my black jeans, not gonna lie I thought about wearing a summer dress, strangely enough since I feel so out of my comfort zone in a dress or skirt, but I figured being that uncomfortable on a first meeting wouldn’t allow me to be myself and my insecurities would shine thru all of my words, so Jeans T-Shirt and me. Wow! what was that, I just felt a serious shift in the energy around me, oh man! he’s here, I know it. Damn there he is coming across the parking lot I know it’s him. BRB…

Diary!! OMG, he’s so damn sexy, I can’t believe he actually showed up, I mean it was our first meeting so I knew I would be coming home alone, I don’t stay on the first coffee date. Although I so badly wanted to. The aura of this man is so dominant, it was odd to feel a true dominant male energy. The sharp slap of his electricity when he first walked by me, smiling and asking if I needed anything just about laid me out on the pavement below. It took everything I had to not get up and curtsy as I responded with a no thank you Sir. LOL I’m serious and it felt amazing and somewhat disturbing at the same time. Ya! I know he’s made me feel that online but to physically feel the unseen electric pulse from his core is incredible. I just never felt that much raw masculine strength. I think the last time I felt that much testosterone in one spot there was punching and blood involved. LMAO.

We sat there for what felt like minutes but was actually a couple of hours chatting about I don’t know what, really, I have no idea what was verbally said between us, but I can tell you in detail what his fire was saying to my core. I mean we’ve already talked about so much in texts that really there wasn’t much to say, other than the awkward straight forward questions, you learn so much more thru idle chit chat and that’s what we did like two old friends who hadn’t spoken to each other in weeks. All I wanted was his physical body to feed me some of the energy exploding from his inner core, it was so hot and burning my internal senses. Hell! I still don’t know what his voice sounds like but I do know we obviously enjoyed the company. When the conversation came to an end, it was like we both knew it was time to say goodbye, have no idea how I knew it, but I did and I still don’t know who ended it, but I’m pretty damn sure I know who stifled his flame, grrr. I watched him rise from his seat with the confidence of a Viking warrior, then grabbing our empties from the table and without so much as a word spoken, I had the urge to rise from my seat and await his return, ya! I don’t get it either. Freaked me out, it was like I was told to wait right there and don’t move, but nothing was said just a look and a hand gesture, like really WTF!. It was almost like being under some kind of mind control, I actually waited for him to tell me either in words or gestures what I was to do next, like there was no signal from my brain to my body saying ok little girl walk on now. Then with the feel of his strong hand on my lower back and again not a damn word he led me way from the black rot iron bistro style table and chairs. Hell! I couldn’t tell you if we were the only ones sitting on the patio or if it was crowded with people. It actually scared me, that this man was able to control me without a word, nothing just the touch of his hand and the feel of his fire. I tried to remember things as he led me to thru the parking lot, stuff like what I had to do when I got home, ya nope couldn’t remember a damn thing. LOL it was like my entire brain took a vacation on me, be it a small one but it was packed and out of here LOL. The momma-bear shield I had was gone, my only thought was yes Sir, now what. I mean I never go anywhere without being on guard of the who, what and where everyone was around me, watching every stranger’s move, gesture and language as I read the room. Nope I didn’t notice anything other than him and the inanimate and natural surroundings. I couldn’t feel fear, and that was so freeing, there was no fear of anything. My brain sort of jumped into his fire and said here you go keep her body and mind safe while I lick my wounds and heal my soul with your heat, and rest here for a little bit. I can honestly say now that I’m away from the power of his energy it was liberating to say the very least. Even if it was only for a few hours, it rejuvenated my brains ability to process information and thoughts. My head kind of feels like it went and had itself over hauled by professional organizers. They came in took out the useless information and tossed it in the trash, then prioritized my memories and rearranged my knowledge and the way I access it. Leaving me with so much unused space to be filled with new knowledge and more wisdom, I guess my brain is a pack rat for information LOL. I still don’t understand where his souls fire sent me but that was one hell of a mini brain vacation that’s for sure LOL Hell! I could get addicted to his drug. So anyway, he led me to my car and he checked out my pumper stickers, as I opened the hatch of the jeep. I still have no idea why I opened it up, don’t know what I needed, wanted or was even looking for, but ya! I did it anyway. The fire was back and I could feel it burning a hole in the back pocket of my jeans, then suddenly without feeling a warning of any kind the hard grip of his physical hand sent a lightning bolt thru my body like nothing I’d felt before, with anyone. And nope I’m not telling him either no man needs to know that they have a power over me of any kind. OMG he leaned in pressing his body against mine and whispering in my ear “that’s mine” I just about slammed my head into the floor of the cars trunk, I fought back softly but firmly laying the back of my head against his chest. I actually felt the sweet smile form across my lips as I said “yes, I guess it is” I stopped shy of using the word Sir, but it took everything I had to hold that word in my throat. I closed the hatch and just as it locked into place, I heard the sound of his hand smacking down on the window behind me and felt his other hand whip me around so that our lips were so close I could feel him breath. Then suddenly I felt his lips force mine open as he kissed me so hard and deep, I could actually feel his energy race thru every cell of my body forcing all of the worries and the negativities in my life and surroundings out thru the souls of my feet. I guess it was the flamingo kiss as the kids would say, the type that is so deep you actually lift one leg LMAO. Ya! that’s what it was a flamingo kiss, well that’s off my bucket list LOL.

Then without warning he was gone; I remember him walking me to my door opening it and kissing me one last time as his hand reminded me with a squeeze of what he now owns, as I got in and started the car. I couldn’t tell you what kind of car he drove even though he showed me his Batman bumper sticker, I can seriously say I have no clue what colour it was all I know is it was a dark colour. Don’t even recall if it was a four door or two doors, I do know it was a car not an SUV or a pick up LOL. I don’t know how I feel about that at all is it a good or a bad thing, ah! It is what it is, I guess. So, in essence I spent our first meeting as a brain-dead female zombie completely under his control, no wait that isn’t how it feels. I wasn’t brainless it was more like momma-bear was given the right to regroup, rest, and feed off his energy for strength without fear of being disturbed or hurt in any way either physically or mentally. A mental vacation so to speak with him as the ultimate vacation destination. I do so hope he becomes my permanent vacation spot even if it’s every now and then.