The Nigerian dream

That's the thing about this city, it sucks you in, turning you into a mere flavor, an ingredient, just another addition to the city.

You become Mama Kachi, the woman who bakes bean cakes down the road, or Aisha, the girl who braids hair, or simply Big Ben, the man who lives next door. No one wants to know what your favorite color is or what your mama always says or even what your dreams were, what you wanted to be when you grow up. You lose your individuality, that thing that made you unique back when you lived in the countryside; the fact that you were always good with calculations, your wonderful singing voice that the church and the entire town praised, your awesome cooking skills or your tender heartedness towards the less privileged.

Well to be sincere, you don't really lose these things, it's just that now, the focus is taken off them. First because there are a million and one other people who can do these same things here and they even do it better than you, and also because to be frank, no one cares. Everyone is always so busy trying to catch a bus or worrying about electricity bills and house rent or even trying to snag a free dinner on a friday evening, they do not have time to consider these little peculiarities that once endeared you to everyone.

I know you must be thinking, but there's more to the city than this! You've had stories of people who went to the city penniless and ended up billionaires in a short time, of people with wonderful singing voices who got 'discovered' and signed into major record labels, going ahead to become famous musicians. You have heard not-too-accurate stories of young beautiful girls that look like you who came to the city, only to capture the heart of a handsome young billionaire, get married and live happily ever after, you have heard of wild parties, wilder than your dreams, and definitely wilder than the parties that are thrown in your town. You have seen photos, taken in beautiful beaches and pleasure parks, and you have dreamed. The city has become, in your minds eye; the only way to actualize the Nigerian dream.

The thing is not that this side does not exist, this other glamorous aspect of the city with it's golden opportunities. Of course it does exist, and as with you, it is also what drew me to the city, what made me long for the four-lane roads, street lights and heavy traffic, I was looking for opportunities too. Like you, I also entertained romantic thoughts of finding my other half here in the city, away from the regular faces and common history of people in my hometown.

Perhaps, you want to ask; what happened? What changed inside me, turning me from a young eager optimist, into this resigned person who is trying not-too subtly to discourage you from coming to the city? The answer is simple, the city changed me.

It didn't happen at first. I was awestruck when I arrived here, gazing in a kind of ecstatic stupor at the sky scrapers, the amazing network of roads, the many people of different nationalities walking down the streets. There was a kind of bottled up excitement within me. The first week I arrived, I went to the cinema, the beach, the pleasure park and had two rides on the rollercoaster. I always dressed well, and in the new printing press where I worked, I always smiled. Good things come to those who smile right? Well my Mama always said so, but after a week of smiling and nothing much to show for it, I let my cheeks rest.

I can't really name the turning point for me, the moment when I went from being an eager young adult who wanted to taste the city life, to simply being the 'printing press girl down the road'. It was a gradual process, perhaps it started when my rent expired, or maybe all the enthusiasm evaporated in a woosh after my very first time of getting stuck in heavy traffic. If I was still in love with the city, the different bills I had to pay killed the love; electricity bill, refuse disposal bill, water bill, security bill, and even cleaning bill.

The change is never instant, it happens subtly and gradually, so that even you don't notice it when the city turns you into another one of it's zombies; waking, eating, rushing to work, getting back late in the evening, tired and stressed out, sleeping, and waking the next day to begin the circle again. Even the weekends you look forward to offers little or no respite when it comes. On friday evenings, after being stuck in traffic on your way back home, all you want to do is sleep, on saturdays, you do your laundry and all the little things you couldn't do during the week. Perhaps you'd rest a bit on Sunday, but then Monday is only tommorow.

But it wouldn't always be like this, you would think. You work hard and hope to get promoted, and perhaps you do. Perhaps the new position comes with an official car, and you celebrate a little but the joy is mostly forgotten as the responsibilities of your new position hit you. You now have to worry about fuel prices, speeding tickets and illegal parking. You worry about the other employees who come late to work or are incompetent, employees you wouldn't have noticed or come in contact with before your promotion.

It hasn't actually been all gloomy for me, I have found someone and we are currently dating, but even though I consider myself to be in love, the relationship is nothing at all like the fairytales I used to imagine. I might also quit my job soon and open a little store in front of my apartment where I'd sell frozen food, I and my partner are working towards that. I have noticed petty trading pays more than my current job and I and my partner are saving up so we can get married.

In essence, I'm not really discouraging anyone from coming to the city, I'm only trying to point out the fact that dreams, sometimes could be unrealistic, but then that's why they are called dreams.