A Tragedy Just Waiting To Happen

"You are right," the friendly smile seemed to off melt off his face, " it's nothing but a show. My entire personality is just a mask. A little too good to be true wasn't it." 

 I knew it. 

I felt the satisfaction of finally gaining the upper hand. I guess anyone who spent too much time with him was bound to notice. Or just anyone as obsessed as finding a fault with him as I was. I gazed up at his towering form all smug like but the look was quickly wiped off my face. His incredibly beautiful face was....different. It was like I was looking at a completely different person. The comparison hurt my brain as it tried to figure out what to make of this. And his eyes, his eyes looked at me like I was prey. No...not quite as primitive...there was a much more dark intelligence. I immediately turned cold under his gaze, the temperature dropped and I was staring at a man with enough presence to crush me. I had no idea what I had just set off. (i wish I could have run right then, as fast as my thin legs would have taken me.)

He leaned down invading my personal space, "But isn't everyone wearing one?" His breath smelled of the ice cream we had minutes ago-or was it eons-his cruel dark eyes cut into me with sharp efficiency and I could feel the beating drum of my heart become more and more frenzied. "aren't you wearing one?" He gazed at me like he could see right through me. Like I was a cheap puzzle whose secrets he uncovered in minutes. My knees were weak, my legs wobbly...it made me wanna kneel before him. For some inexplicable reason, I was scared shitless of this man I knew-used to know-as a friendly rival. And I was in awe. He felt like a dark god in the tattered human form. I had always had a feeling he was bigger than our tiny existence... in the quiet stillness of his performance, he was always a different person. I never would have guessed he something else entirely. 

When I just stared and didn't say anything he added, "You're not the optimistic clueless content little thing you pretend to be." "What makes you think you know me!" It was out of my mouth before I could even register it. A flair of irritation and anger that quickly burned out like a lit match in the wind. He stared at me hard as steel and said slowly as if talking to a little kid, "cause you are a lot smarter and mature than you pretend to be," I couldn't argue with a compliment, "and you are also so fucking lonely and depressed even if you pretend not to be. It's really pitiful." 

I flinched away from the cool metal of truth he held against my throat. He was ruthless with his double-edged sword. His pretty pink lips twisted into a wicked smile and I saw the glimmer of amusement in his harsh eyes. 

Shocked I stumbled back against the front door and he stepped forward and trapped me against it. It was awfully claustrophobic. I wanted him to stop, to back up, to give me space to breathe. But I was trapped. He was right. I'm smarter than this. Confronting the lion in his own den was crossing that thin line between bravado and stupidity. I should never have agreed to step foot into his house.

"So convoluted and..sick." I jumped when he murmured those words...utter mortification flooded into me as I gazed at him wide-eyed. His fingers, feather-soft, brushed against my cheeks, his hands gently cradled my head. Like he was trying to soothe me, calm my nerves. "shhh..." It felt nice. The feeling of his hand. The same calloused palm I knew against my skin. It felt grounding in this shit show. It felt safe. "I read it all." That snapped me right back. "How helpful of you to write it all down. Such amusing fantasies you have. Such wondrous imagination for a girl your age." 

taunt taunt taunt taunt. 

What a wicked little smile you have there? 

empty...my head feels rather empty. 

"You are right to be ashamed of them. To forever hide your twisted self away from others...even at the cost of never feeling true friendship. Never being truly loved. Better to be loved for the mask you put on than be shunned for your true self. "

I felt like I was gonna drop dead. This situation was the equivalent of having my thoughts forcefully read. Of being strapped down to a metal table and dissected as he carefully took out and examined my organs while telling me what was wrong with each one of them. I felt like my mind and soul were being rapped.

I had to. It was dumb but I couldn't bear to just hold onto them. The fact that he read it...I wanted to kill myself. And him. I wanted to obliterate the entire world.

"Don't worry. Don't look at me like that. Don't be ashamed. You and I are the same. I understand how you feel trust me," he chuckled. It sounded absurd. It was it really was. He and I were like water and oil. As much as I wanted us to we could never work well together.

As he got even closer and I could feel my mind return to me. The panic of being this close to him settled in along with the hurricane of other emotions. I could feel my body freeze up even though my nerves were tingling. I couldn't tell whether I was frightened or excited. (if you ask me where the point of no return was, I would say right here, where I fell for his words like a dumb village girl.) 

My eyes fluttered shut as his face approached mine. "don't worry," he whispered against my lips...so sweet...words made of candy and coated in honey and shoved into my mouth down my throat, "I'll be your friend. I'll love you."