How I Cut My (Ex)Brother Out Of My Life

I had an older brother once and he was one of the most evil people you would ever meet. By evil, I’m actually talking pure evil. After all, he did so many horrible, evil things to me that no other (older) sibling ever should.

He had always hated me since I was born would always reject me, even hitting me whenever I got too persistent to leave him alone. He also always told me to shut up for merely existing because he thought that I should just be seen and not heard (and sometimes not even). He also used to have horrific fantasies about murdering me or sending me to China by just punching and then sending me flying there...and for what? I didn’t do anything to him; I just existed and he really hated me for it.

Also, he didn’t snitch on me for doing something wrong; instead, he just snitched on me for merely existing. It didn’t really matter what I did. I could be bad and get snitched on; I could be good and still get snitched on. There was no other way out and he made sure that there never would be. I couldn’t ever make him stop because he didn’t want to. I was too powerless to do anything about it and he knew that and just kept making sure that it always stayed that way. He didn’t fly into an ever unstoppable rage and throw loud temper tantrums because he got angry or upset or hurt; he only did that because he wanted to make himself too dangerous to ever stand up to; after all, he literally enjoyed all the power that his rage had obtained for him. He also kept saying to my face that everybody hated me, that I didn’t have any friends, that even my parents hated me too, that nobody loved me, that I was worthless and that everybody wanted me to die. Yes, he abused and terrorized me incessantly and even screamed at me to shut up for telling him to stop because he literally enjoyed seeing so much pain and terror in my eyes.

He never loved me; he just loved hurting me. He never wanted to have an autistic sibling (or even any other sibling for that matter; he just wanted to have something that he could hurt and enjoy hurting over and over again without ever experiencing any consequences. I was never human to him and now I don’t even feel real because of him; it feels like I don’t exist anymore and it feels like I’m not a person. After all, he would never see me as a person; just a punching bag and a mere object that he systematically destroyed without any remorse because it gave him so much pressure.

He also had no problem calling me that r-slur to my face, even when he did that in front of my dad once and my dad immediately yelled at him for doing that. And yet he still kept doing that anyways because he knew it was wrong and just didn’t care enough to ever stop doing that. He also proudly called himself a Nazi and even screamed in my face almost everyday (even when I was a teenager) that he wanted me to get raped and killed. He was also a racist, misogynist, ableist, classist, acephobic, enbyphobic, transphobic, biphobic and homophobic. He would also live in filth all the time and even scream at everybody (including me and my mom) for trying to clean up after him; he even screamed in my face and turned off the kitchen lights on me for trying to clean the kitchen and, therefore, keep it nice and tidy. And yet it’s not normal that he was always abusing me for trying to keep the kitchen nice and clean.

Whenever he brutalized me, he always threatened me that if I ever told my parents about it, he would murder me in cold blood because, again, he literally enjoyed seeing so much pain and terror in my eyes.

One time, he even punched me in the stomach and when I started crying, he immediately laughed at me and even gleefully watched me cry. He also always gave me bruises on every single bone.

He always called me names like stupid, idiot, moron, r-slur, piece of shit, worthless, useless, slut, whore, bitch, cunt, fat, ugly, obese, the f-slur, weirdo and other offensive names that no sibling of any age should ever hear.

He also screamed at my parents (especially my mom) for existing and my dad always yelled at him and sometimes even threatened to kick him out everytime that happened. After all, he always treated all of us (meaning myself and my parents) like slaves and even forced us all to make his more luxurious by doing everything for him (i.e. cooking for him, cleaning up after him, driving him everywhere, buying him expensive things, agreeing with everything he said, etc.). He also kept doing whatever he could to sabotage my relationship with my parents.

He also abused me for trying to study for the sake of my ever-would-be college graduation and even kept screaming random words and violently banging against my door while I was trying to study or do my homework; even when I started crying and literally begged him to please stop, he continued...and when my grades weren’t as good as they used to be anymore, he always said to my face, “See, I told you that you were stupid!”

He also screamed in my face that I was fat and ugly, that I was useless, that I wouldn’t get anywhere in my life, that I would never be able to get a job or even learn to drive and that all I ever knew how to do was “eat, shit, sleep and destroy people’s lives'' when in reality, he was the one who destroyed mine; also, I’m the one who has always helped even more than he ever would. He also stole my half-eaten chocolate muffin and crushed it prior to throwing it away in the hope that I would never be able to finish eating it and it was because he wanted to force me to only eat in the kitchen. Uh, excuse me?! No wonder where you eat any meal, eating is a human right and not a privilege for those who only eat at the kitchen table! But no, he couldn’t get that through his extremely thick head.

Then what he had done to me two years ago was the last straw; firstly, he threw out my fruit salad and then laughed at me when I had to start over from scratch. Then the next day, he did something with my phone and when I asked him where it was, he screamed at me to “shut the fuck up” and that he hated my voice and didn’t want to hear it and yet I was persistent, so he chased me with a dirty plate and tried to beat me up with it and when I screamed at him that I hated him, that I would never forgive him and that he wasn’t my brother anymore, he threaten to falsely call the cops on me and have me arrested. Also, it took my mom’s phone call for me to find my phone. That was when I decided that the moment he would move out, I would permanently cut him out of my life, for I have no intention of ever letting him back in as my family; even should I later change my mind and decide to get married, I will never let him come to my wedding…and if he would try to come anyways, I would have someone else throw him out because he’s not welcome in my wedding anyways!

Then one day, my dad had enough of my brother’s hateful, spoiled and selfish behavior, so he (meaning my dad) ended up kicking him out for sure, after which I finally cut his spoiled and selfish ass out of my life. Good riddance!

(Note: I’m that character who had to cut a family member out of their life)