Okay... So... How does this work?

April 7, 2020

Okay… so… today is the first time I've ever done this. Writing… in a journal… or is it considered a diary since I'm a female? Hmm… that's something I'm going to have to find out. I think I like the term journaling better. Sounds more adult rather than school girlish who is writing about the dramas and “hardships” of growing up.

I digress. I'm not exactly sure what's supposed to go in a journal entry. Is it supposed to be about what I've done in my day? The troubles of the world? My secrets? Again… something I should perhaps research into more before I make a second entry. I have asked others who journal what they write about. Mostly they say “everything and nothing”. That doesn't exactly help someone like me. 

Maybe that's how I should start? By explaining who I am? Well, I'm a creative person in the more physical forms like knitting, photography, and such. At least, those are two of my biggest passions aside from helping people. Yes, I'm a big “helper” type person. To the extent that it's been a big burden in my past. Now I'm more cautious and… hmm what's the word I'm trying to think of?... decisive! Yes that's the word. I'm more decisive in who and how I help to ensure I'm not helping until I've helped myself and filled my own cup, as it were. 

I used to write all the time when I was younger. More on the poems and fiction side of writing. Never journaling. I sure hope I'm doing this right. Considering what the world is like right now, I figure getting my thoughts out may help in lessening the worries I have for the future. If we have a future. With how people are going about life, I honestly don't know what kind of a future will be ours. Will it be barren like the apocalypse and zombie movies that have come out in the past? Or will it be more like a society emerging after so long and the earth is beautiful, plentiful again, vibrant and full of colour? Or will it be like it was before all this happened? Busy, rushed, full of a population who have no regard for health or the earth? Polluted by toxins and negative energies and points of view? I can't help wondering what will be the same as before, and what will be new? What will have persevered and prospered and what will have died away forever? 

Hmm… I didn't realize that journaling could be such an outlet for so much. Who knew a person could hold in so much and not realize it? Well, others who journal regularly I guess! Although, I wonder why no one I asked about journaling had mentioned how relieving it is. Could it be that for them they either don't find it relieving? Or perhaps they wanted me to find out on my own? Maybe it's neither and they just do it for the sake of keeping up their penmanship? Or perhaps they do it to feel productive instead of feeling like they're wasting time away? Note to self: ask some people these questions, gain more knowledge, and learn more about why others journal. 

Hmm… I'm not sure what else to write. Is there a standard on how long a journal entry should or shouldn't be? Or a time limit someone should be writing for to make it an efficient and productive journaling “session”? I'm starting to wonder… am I asking too many questions about how something that seems so simple should be done or am I just overthinking this? You know, I do tend to overthink a lot of things a lot. It's like my brain can't comprehend something simple can be just that: simple. It's like my brain thinks there's some underlying agenda that something simple is in fact complicated and it tries to think through “how can this thing be complicated and how can I make it simple to myself while overcoming the complexity of it without actually experiencing it” either before I do something simple or during the process. 

Okay… reading that through, I definitely think I've over complicated this whole journaling thing. I wonder if anyone else experiences this? I also wonder what others journal about? Do they just let their thoughts fly like I am? Or do they have a style or structure they keep to? Things like thoughts on what the world is going through, someone they're friends with, someone their dating, someone they have a crush on and want to date, their pets or wanting a pet, what their exercises are like or how they want to be fit? Or perhaps it's a mix of some of all of the above? I think I'd be more fascinated reading what others journal about than asking all these questions to a source that quite literally can not answer. 

And what about signing off? Do I sign off like I do a professional email or letter? Or a more personal way like I do with a friend or loved one? Do I even sign off at all or do I leave my thoughts hanging there until the next time I write an entry? So many questions… do many questions… I think I should have researched this a bit more before writing this first entry. Well, I guess I've just given myself some homework! Research and learn more about what journaling entails and the process if there is one. And ask questions to get some answers from others that do this far more often than I clearly have! 

Maybe I should have followed my peers as a child and started this much earlier in life. Then I wouldn't be in this wondering situation or overthinking this as I get older and fall into the overthinking and over complicating of adulthood. Ah well. As I always tell people, everything happens for a reason when it's supposed to. So, taking that as my thought of contented happiness, I guess I will leave things here and see how much I learn and progress in my next entry. Till then, I'm glad I did this. I'm glad I've started journaling. I definitely feel better for it even if others may see it as a waste of time.