The destruction of Civilization, and a burrito bowl

I reached out for what feels like my fifth can of Redbull, alternating between my desktop and my iPad as I worked on an op-ed piece while playing Sid Meier’s Civilization V. “What is she doing now?” I muttered to myself as I saw Aysha’s trireme move closer to my coastal city - I knew my best friend would attack me sooner or later (all offers of peace and open borders were rejected; I’m sure I did something to annoy her, but I can’t remember what).

The map was fully open- all five of us have discovered that ‘the world is round’, and we’re all keeping an eye on each other’s cities and movement. So far, Jamie’s (my boyfriend) civilization looks good - we ended up right next to each other, and we’re allies. It’s to be expected - I’m relatively new to the game, and I demanded that Jamie be nice to me while I figure out various strategies. 

My neighbors, Olivia and Paul, were on the other side of the map, each covering a good chunk of the continent that they shared. I saw camel-led caravans walking on the roads, and cargo ships skirting around the continent - I knew that Olivia and Paul would have set up a doomsday pact, to take us all down first, split the spoils of war, and then have a proper game with each other. I noticed a few more ships than I was comfortable with, but I let it slide. Jamie prefers naval techniques, so I wasn’t too worried. 

“End your turn!” Aysha said, opening the door to see Jamie sprawled on the bed, and me sitting near the desk. “Can you please focus on one thing at a time?”

I shook my head, making a quick edit before I darted to the game and clicked ‘Next Turn’. “The game moves so slowly, so I wanna do other things, too.”

“Relax, Aysha, let her take her time,” he said without looking up. Aysha narrowed her eyes at him, grumbled ‘whatever’, and left.

After a few hours of this - I looked up at the clock on the wall and holy shit it’s 7:30 PM already? - I got up to stretch my legs. “I need to go for a walk.”

Jamie sat up. “We’re not done playing yet,” he frowned. 

“My legs will fall off if I keep sitting. I need to get some circulation going. Give me 10 minutes. Should I grab dinner?” 

He shook his head. “This is a high-stakes game, remember? Winner picks dinner, losers foot the bill? Get me some chips, instead.” He turned back, amassing an army to wage war against Aysha. I played my turn before I sent a message on the Whatsapp group about a 10-minute break - I had an impressive science production and wanted to win with technology and progress, rather than war. 

I left the bedroom, crossing Aysha lying on the couch, and I tapped her forehead and asked her if she wanted anything to eat. “I’m going for a walk-slash-snack run.”

“Ya, can you get me some chocolate wafers?” 

“Okay fine, but try not to make a mess, please.”

I left the apartment, grabbing my wallet and keys from a bowl on a table near the door. I walk into the apartment across the hall - we don’t lock our doors unless we’re all asleep - and stick my head into the hall. “Do you guys want anything to eat?” I yell. 

Twin shouts of “No, I’m good!” echoed from the two bedrooms. 

I shrug and leave. 

About 20 minutes later, I came home to a very different atmosphere. Aysha is now sitting up, quiet, and focused on her laptop screen. “Hey, I didn’t know what brand you wanted, so I got you some Loackers - is that okay?” She grunted in response, holding one hand out for the wafer while the other furiously swiped across the laptop’s trackpad. 

“You’re welcome,” I grumble, and enter the bedroom. 

I find my iPad - and notebook - tossed on the bed, while Jamie alternates between his laptop and my desktop, playing both turns. 

“What the hell, you guys couldn’t wait for 20 minutes?” I whine. I had my own strategies set in place, ones I didn’t share with him - my plans were screwed now. 

“Olivia and Paul have mounted a joint attack on me and Aysha,” he explains, not looking away from the screen. “

Wait, what? I realize we’ve been playing for a while, but is it really time for war? I bent down and studied the screen. One of Aysha’s 4 cities was already taken over, and two others were close to being captured as well. I had lost a city of my own - though Jamie’s camp was relatively untouched.

“Move,” I said and I slid into the now-vacant chair. Damn, I thought this would be a more peaceful game. No matter, Olivia and Paul’s armies are no match for Jamie’s naval units - he had around 10 frigates circling our continent. I sent forces to Aysha’s capital, and killed two of Paul’s knights, while my own trebuchet protected my capital from Olivia’s horsemen. 

What I didn’t expect was a form of betrayal that I never saw coming. 

Jamie’s units gathered within my capital’s borders - a coastal city. I expected him to attack Olivia’s triremes, but instead, he... He attacked my city. “Dude!” I yelled, turning back at him, and seeing a shit-eating grin on his face. “Come on, this is how you learn the game,” he said. 

“I learn by having my boyfriend gang up on me?”

“Relax, it’s just a game. Besides, isn’t it more interesting this way?”

I watched with anger and then despair as my limited forces were spread too thin - Jamie’s frigate took a good chunk of my city’s health before I sank his ship, and I lost one of my satellite cities to Olivia’s ground forces. Olivia sent 2 waves of soldiers towards my capital, while he attacked my other coastal city (what can I say, I like settling by the coast), and I felt tears prick my eyes - I get too emotional while playing games, which is why I prefer single-player games, or cozy, non-competitive games.

I hear Aysha yell in frustration, and see that Paul’s taken over her capital as well.

Jamie laughs as I groan in frustration when his land units enter my city, and I almost storm off in anger when my city turns from Spanish Red to Moroccan Green. “Not cool, man,” I growl, whipping around to face him. His smile drops off his face when he realizes that I’m actually angry. “Babe, it’s just a silly game, come on,” he pleads. 

I get up and walk off, leaving him to finish the game with Paul and Olivia. Aysha gets up when she sees me; wordlessly, the two of us leave the apartment. 

“Didn’t this place give you food poisoning two months ago?” I studied the menu she forwarded to us ‘losers’ - I wasn’t a big fan of her choice (I had a queasy stomach after that meal, too). “They’ve changed their chefs and everything, it’s like a brand-new place now!”

“Yeah, with hiked-up prices, too,” Aysha muttered, scrolling through the list. 

Whatever - the game ended two days ago; the sooner we have this dinner, the faster this ends. “I’m making a reservation for tonight at 8, okay?” Jamie nodded - things have been tense ever since the game ended, from my side and his. I hope dinner can help fix whatever went wrong. I don’t know why, but the game - and how it ended - weighed on my mind. 

Aysha picked up her bag off my couch - she had a few errands to run and would change and meet us at the restaurant. 

The restaurant did feel different when we walked in - the obnoxious décor was replaced with calmer, more tasteful items, and the tables had become bigger, making it easier to accommodate all of us. Aysha was running late and texted me to order for her. Olivia and I sat opposite each other, with Jamie at the head of the table, and Paul next to her sister. “So, how was your day yesterday? I’ve been swamped at work recently,” I apologize.

Paul grumbles about work before turning to his favorite topic - his crafts. He’s heavily into knitting and crocheting, and he describes his latest project to me - a stuffed version of the Great A’Tuin from Discworld, he’s made the turtle shell and one elephant, and is working on the other three - and out of the corner of my eye, I see Olivia...blushing? I tune out Paul going on about the intricate details on the turtle’s shell that he’ll embroider and tilt my head towards Jamie and Olivia. Jamie was smiling - I haven’t seen him smile like that at me recently. Suddenly, Jamie turns to me and his face falls. He looks sad, and he avoids Olivia’s searching eyes. 

The waiter comes, takes our orders, and leaves - it’s a busy night, so the service is slightly rushed. Paul asks me about my day and I turn back to him, and I dive into my own hobbies - my writing and my potential screenplay (I don’t think it’ll go anywhere, it’s just fun). The energy at the table feels awkward, though Paul apparently feels nothing, judging by how chatty he is.

Olivia is uncharacteristically quiet, and Jamie is on his phone (even though we talked about phones during dinner). I’m not good with awkward situations, and these guys are my friends - friends are open with each other. The waiter serves up the appetizer, and when he leaves, I ask “Jamie, Olivia, is everything okay?” 

Olivia’s eyes widen, and Jamie stutters out a “yeah, everything is fine,” before reaching out for a glass of water. “I don’t know, everything’s been off since the game of Civilization, and I don’t know why. I know that I’ve been super busy the past few days, did I miss out on something?” 

Olivia couldn’t meet my eye, Paul looked around the table, and Jamie cleared his throat. 

“I need to tell you something...in private.” 

I automatically took a nacho and dipped it in the guac. “What is it?” My mind raced - what did he want to tell me? Is he moving out? Did he get a job transfer somewhere else?

Olivia looked at me. “I’m so sorry, but we...well, Jamie and I, we...feel like things are different now.” 

I frowned. What does she mean by ‘we’? My phone pinged, Aysha was still caught up, she’d take about 10 more minutes. “What do you mean, ‘we’?” 

Paul looked as stunned as I felt. Jamie cleared his throat, again. Drink some water, man. 

“I don’t know how to tell you this, can we please do it in private?”

 “No, apparently you and Olivia are a team now, so whatever you have to say, you can say in front of us,” I said, mocking Olivia’s tone. I felt petty, but I also felt angry and confused. What is he trying to say?

“Well, it began during the game, and, uh, once the game ended, and Olivia won, I went over to her house to congratulate her,” coward Jamie couldn’t even look at my face. 

Olivia stood up. “What Jamie is trying to say is that after the game, he came over and he....he kissed me. He told me about how awkward things were with you, and that he’s had a crush on me for a while now, and that things with you were basically over.”

I looked at her, and then at Jamie. “Is this true? Did you tell her things were over?”

Jamie looked everywhere except my face. “Well, it’s complicated...”

I stood up - Olivia took a step back. I’m not proud of what I did, but I did it. I took the nachos, crushed them into the guac, and then dumped the whole bowl on Jamie’s hair - crushed chips and all.

I did it methodically, and Jamie didn’t move, not even when cold guac ran down the back of his shirt. One waiter who was carrying our mains froze right beside our table. Paul looked....he looked disgusted with his sister, and Aysha walked in at that moment. “Sorry I’m late, I...what’s going on?” 

The waiter silently put the mains on the table and backed away. 

I felt like screaming - I’ve been with Jamie for 2 years. I loved him, and I thought he loved me. I realize that I had lost control, and I let go. I threw a bowl of sauce at Olivia’s shirt and dumped a burrito bowl on Jamie’s lap. Aysha grabbed my hand before I broke the bowl itself on Jamie’s head. The worst part is, he took it. He didn’t move, he didn’t get angry or apologize or anything. He just sat there. “I’m leaving,” I announce. I throw a 50 dollar bill on the table, apologize for the mess to a passing waiter, and I walk out. 

At the entrance to the restaurant, I see Paul arguing with Olivia, and Jamie still...not moving.

I opened Steam after about a month since that dinner - since Jamie broke my heart without actually saying anything. The game ‘Civilization’ popped up. I had spent about 60 hours playing that game with Jamie over the years. I tear up. I uninstall the cursed game. I close Steam, and head to the hall - Aysha let me crash with her while I search for a new place. “What do you want for dinner?” she asks. “I’ve been craving some Mexican.”

I stare at her for a few moments before I nod, numb. “Sure, Mexican sounds good.” My stomach churns at the thought.