Forever Will End Here

“Can you keep a secret?” The words leave Lexia’s lips, hanging in the air between her and Nevie. Without an immediate answer, Lexia stands up from her bed. She begins pacing her room, walking from one pink wall to another, even pinker, wall. Lexia focuses on the objects in her bedroom in an attempt to calm her. She passes her dollhouse, one people have told her a seventeen-year-old shouldn’t own, and her nerves pile higher. 

Nevie laughs. It’s a sweet sound Lexia would bottle and release when she needed euphoria if she could. “Of course you can, Lexia,” Nevie says. “You can tell me anything.”

“Yeah, but… this isn’t just some regular secret. It’s big. Like, you really can’t tell anyone.” 

“What part of ‘you can tell me anything’ do you not understand?”

“All of it, I guess.” Lexia sits down on her bed, her eyes wide as she stares at Nevie. Nevie doesn’t even see Lexia right now. Her hand is grazing the fuzzy blanket they’re sitting on, her mind seemingly in another world. “You need to keep this a secret.” 

“I will,” Nevie insists. “So, out with it.” Out of all the people in the world, Nevie trusts Lexia more than anyone else. Her heart aches that Lexia has hesitations. 

Lexia toys at the hem of her peach dress. She bites her lip so hard it might bleed. Trust her, she tells herself. Trust Nevie. “Maybe…” Nevie’s eyes flicker to Lexia expectantly. “Tell me a secret first. Something no one else knows about you.” Nevie chuckles then clears her throat. 

Millions of secrets race through her mind: both of her parents died in a fire, and Nevie blames herself, she’s afraid to get close to people, she yearns to be heartless. The last thought draws another untold tale out from Nevie. More than wanting to be heartless, Nevie wants to be with Lexia. 

Nevie forces her eyes to the wooden floor, pastel paints dried on in random drops. “Where to start…” 

“You can tell me anything,” Lexia says, echoing Nevie’s words. Her eyes are full of purity, of goodness. Her lips fall into a pout, though not a spoiled one; she’s hopeful but desperate—the face of the same childish girl who’s always strived for the best. This is the person Nevie’s loved since elementary school. 

“I’m afraid of getting close to people and losing them,” Nevie admits. She takes a sharp breath. “You’re kind of the exception.” She closes her eyes, not wanting to see Lexia’s reaction. To her surprise, Lexia giggles as if Nevie had told a joke and not a dark truth. 

“I don’t mean to laugh, but… Nevie, that’s not a secret. Everyone knows that.”

“Well- Well, I thought it was a secret.”

“Okay. Fair enough, I suppose.” 

“Now out with yours,” Nevie says. Out of everything Lexia could have said, out of every reaction she could have had, she laughed. By now, Nevie should have known that Lexia would laugh. The girl is too bubbly for her good. Her words might have been light-hearted, and Nevie is certain Lexia meant no harm, but her laughter still left a bruise. She honestly thought she’d shared a secret. 

Lexia stands up again, backing herself up against her bureau. Behind her are photos of her and her family. Her perfect family. The caring mother, the hard-working father, and the shining star of a daughter. It’s hard not to envy all Lexia has had, the love she carries with her. One thought enters Nevie’s mind: Lexia could hang out with anyone she wants, and she chooses Nevie, the resident outcast. 

“Okay. I’ll just say it,” Lexia begins. She pauses as if changing her mind. Then her words spew out of her mouth, and Nevie almost thinks she heard Lexia wrong. “My dad didn’t die in an accident. My mom killed him.” 

“What?” Nevie asks. It’s the logical question, but also the only thing that comes to mind. “What- Are you serious?” Nevie swallows the lump in her throat. “Lexia, this isn’t funny.”

“I’m not joking.”

“You and your mom said that your dad fell down the stairs.” Her breath catches in her throat, and Nevie has to force herself to breathe. “Why didn’t you tell anyone? You loved your dad.”

“Of course, I did.”

“Then why didn’t you tell anyone?” Nevie whispers. Her eyes dart to Lexia’s door and the window beside her bed. They’re on the second floor, and Lexia is blocking the window. 

Lexia’s frown turns into a scowl. The tears on her face now a terrible poison. “Because I hated my mom for what she did. And I think she deserved worse than prison.” Nevie’s gaze hesitantly flashes to Lexia. What is she getting at? “My secret… I killed my mom. Her body is in the closet downstairs.” 

Nevie shakes her head. “No.”

“Yes. I did.”

“No, Lexia-”

“I did it, Nevie,” Lexia insists. “And I don’t regret it.” 

Nevie fakes a smile, showing all her teeth. “Wow…” She needs to get to the door. Hell, the window is looking like a good option now. “You wouldn’t… You wouldn’t hurt me, right?”

Lexia takes a seat across from Nevie and grabs her hand. “Oh, my God. No. Never.”

“Okay. Good.”

“I promise I wouldn’t,” Lexia insists. 

“I know.” Nevie nods, hoping her performance is convincing. The sweetest person she knows is a killer, just her luck. It’s reckless, but Nevie believes the only safe way out is by acting normal. Be kind to Lexia until she leaves later. “And I won’t tell anyone.” Lexia smiles, but doesn’t say anything. So Nevie takes the opportunity to keep her talking. “You always said your family was perfect. What happened to that?”

Lexia shrugs. “I have no idea. But I guess I was wrong about my parents.”

How hard are barbie dolls? Could they be a weapon? 

“I mean, my mom murdering my dad isn’t something I could take lightly.”

Nevie chuckles. “Of course not.” The alarm clock is closer and heavier. It’s probably the better option if need be. “I get it,” Nevie lies. 

“I knew you would,” Lexia says, wiping a tear from her face. “Because you’re what they’re not.” The tick of the clock dulls in Nevie’s ears, as she dreads hearing what she believes Lexia will say. “You’re perfect.”

“No. Not me.”

“Yes, you. I couldn’t see it before, but I do now.” Before Nevie can get a word out, Lexia continues, inching closer on the bed. “And I know you feel the same way.” Nevie blinks at Lexia, her vision blurring. “You read a poem once in class and said the flower was a metaphor for a person. It was about me, right?” Lexia asks. 

“Yes,” Nevie admits before she can stop herself. Lexia knew. She knows Nevie likes her. And she feels the same way? 

Lexia cheers. “I knew it. Do you know what this means, Nevie?” Putting a smile meant to hide her fear, Nevie shakes her head. “It means we can be together, Nevie. The perfect pair. Forever.”

Forever. The world lulls in Nevie’s head. They can be together forever. Though something tells Nevie that if she spills Lexia’s secret, forever won’t last a lifetime and more. Forever will end here, today. Nevie knows it will, as she doesn’t plan on staying in this room for much longer. 

She stares at Lexia, the girl she likes, and knows that a forever isn’t in their plans. It’s not written in the stars or the fairytales, but maybe it could’ve been. Nevie can’t believe it, but she wishes Lexia never told her what she did. This secret should have stayed tucked away under her pillow. So there forever could have lasted forever.