Fit as a Fiddle

It was well past midnight when I was driving home, it was during the prohibition, during the late 70s, I had downed nearly half a litre of Chevas Regal and was still cold sober! It was one of the most educative, interesting and testing evenings in my life. At 69 I can vividly remember that day.

I was 27 years old working for a multinational company, posted in a state, which centuries back used to be a centre for higher learnings. The company I worked for, were manufacturing and marketing a whole range of products including aircraft, earthmover, automobile, tractor motorcycle and bicycle tyres. I was posted to the branch office, which was a smallish set-up consisting of a Branch Manager to whom I reported, we had a Service Engineer, a typing clerk, a secretary to the manager, and a runabout of sorts.

One morning I noticed a tall, silver-haired, big built gentleman, enter the office, stood at the entrance, looked at me and hollered from the main door "Where is your manager?". Without speaking, I pointed at the newly appointed branch manager's door. He was 6ft something, silver-haired, taller, bigger and certainly looked much, much older than I was. He was dressed in an attire that was not common in the Northern States. He pushed the door and walked in.

After an hour or so I was called into the manager's office, formally introduced to the gentleman, who was now seated with his legs crossed. He was one of the biggest tyre dealers of a southern state and I was given the job to look after him, in other words, entertain him during the evening. I had no choice but to agree; my boss knew I was living alone. I was soon to find out why I was assigned the task when my boss could have entertained him at his residence!

I agreed on a time for pick up, and as I was walking out, he grabbed me by my arm and said " I hope you drink whisky", on my affirmation he asked " where will you get it?" knowing it was prohibited in that state as he had looked around and was disappointed. I asked him not to worry, disentangled myself and left.

I picked him up at the appointed time, he steps into my car and says "where is the whisky"? I pointed to the place where it was well hidden and drove off to a five-star hotel where I had an arrangement. We went into the suite and as I started unpacking the bottle and his face lit up like a million light bulbs.

He starts the conversation:

Guest "You probably do not know me, I sell 100 tyres a day over the counter for your company". I smiled and nodded sagely.

Guest " How many tyres did I say?"

I respectfully replied" 100 tyres sir'.

Guest: "It is 100 tyres per day, per day, son,"

Poor me: "Yes, yes, I heard," I quickly answer.

I pour out the drinks, and before I could get the ice he had downs his drink and was looking at me expectantly. Not to let the side down I downed my drink too and poured out the next round this time on the rocks. I asked him what brought him to our part of the world.

Guest: "I am escorting my family and friends to all the pilgrimage sites and hence stopping over for the night."

Before I could smile and nod to indicate I understood,

Guest: " What did I just say?".

I dutifully repeated what he had just said with a bit of fortified gusto. He has a gulp, smiles and looks away with satisfaction.

Tense me: "where are all the people you are escorting....." ? before I could finish

Guest: " They are not just people they are my friends and relatives including my mother in law", and they are in the railway station".

Surprised me: "Why in the station?' I query,

Exasperated Guest: "Because the train is in the station,"

I wordlessly down my drink. He does the same and indicates to me with his forefinger to pour out the next round.

Curious me: " But why...".

Guest: "There are a hundred and twenty of them and the only way I could do it is by booking entire train compartments, how many of them?" he queries waiting for an answer,

Gobsmacked me: "A hundred and twenty" is my retort slightly weakened by the enormity of the thought. I have seen those sights where large tourist groups would be seen in various stages of undressing, with their washed clothes being dried out at the furthest end of the platforms as their compartments are left unhitched, while engines are changed and other compartments added. I was visualising the scenario when Guest: "Come, come on I say" hollers the man breaking me out of my reverie, indicating it was time for another round.

Politely I ask him about the places they had visited, as that would let me be in peace for a bit while he could go on detailing the trip. High hopes. This man was fit as a fiddle, at 65 (I discovered) he would down a drink with aplomb and carry on as if nothing had happened. Dinner arrived, and relentlessly he carried on talking, stopping now and then asking me what he had just said and in between mouthfuls I had to repeat whatever he was saying! Just to keep my sanity I would pour myself one, and from the corner of my eye, I would see him looking intently at me to see if I did the same for him.

Guest: "My mother in law talks too much, what did I say?"

Resigned to my fate I reply weakly “your mother-in-law talks..." and before I could finish he goes on a long tirade of her likes and dislikes and how she does not like the idea of her son in law drinking alcohol. All the while I am alert and ready as at the end of each sentence he would say, "so what did I say?'. After every long spiel, he would feel thirsty and gulp down the drink.

At some point, there was nothing left in the 1-litre bottle and I stood up, perhaps a tad unevenly, he stood up ramrod straight and looks me in the eye and asks “ are you high”, I produced a negative shake of my head. “Your boss never gets high, did you know that?” “No”, I think I whispered, “You know why?” I shook my head “ “Because he does not drink” he guffawed. I think I was quite depleted to laugh at his joke.

The next thing I remember is dropping him off, he goes “Thank you I say, a great evening, I will see you for lunch tomorrow”, I smile in reply and he goes “ what did I say?” I slowly and evenly reply “ You will see me for lunch tomorrow” and drive away.