Cheers for Chicks.

While she was browsing in her local library, curious Imogen picked up an intriguing new title, in the 'New Release' section. Being a practicing Christian, she borrowed this new epic lit. The title was, "The Pink Bible", edited at a modern convention of nuns attached to the Holy See in the Vatican.

Imogen arrived home, and collected her mail. It was that time of year, Christmas cards! The first one was lovely, the three Wise Kings seated in their robes in the traditional way, on their three camels. After carefully displaying her cards, Imogen sat down with a cup of coffee and her good book.

Ah, a Bible version, presented with a woman's touch. Imogen started reading, quickly enthralled. "In the beginning was the Word, and women had the power of the words. Women made the cups of tea, and beautiful chocolate cake, because Christian men pretended they could not turn on the kettle. Read on now. Here is what really happened in one part of the Nativity, the aftermath."

Imogen read on, fascinated. Was this true Christianity? From the corner of her eyes, she glimpsed her Christmas card. Apt. Her pink Bible continued.

"Following their big gig in Bethlehem, some time after the Nativity, the three kings wandered home, back to the little women waiting for their husbands. Bemused, the senior queen interrupted her weaving, and addressed the males.

"Well, hello there. Sort of welcome committee here, been wondering where you three have been all these long months. Just exactly where have you been?"

"We got lost..."

The wisest chick had a word to say. "Wise, eh? We've been weaving here, hearing stories about you. The rumor says you all got drunk in the bar in Nazareth, and that the whores are still laughing in the best little hoedown by the Jordan River! My mother was right, I should never have married you. Useless! Why didn't I get a decent husband?"

She continued, feeling emotions. Funny thing, emotions. "You three moronics lost Bethlehem! Wise?????? Then you were too late for the most momentous birth of the Messiah in biblical history. You missed the lot!"

"And by the way, what did you really do with that layette and cot blanket for the poor little babe in arms? Oh, that was totally wise, you took the most futile gifts you could scrounge. What do you mean, you lost Bethlehem? why didn't you ask you wives. Women know where everything is, just ask us."

"We got lost and arrived late. We could not find the manger on the camels' GPS!"

"So, you got lost, and did not assist in the birth of Our Lord. We chicks should have got an invitation. We would have been the midwives, and tied the cord. Chicks are capable and wise. What are you saying now? You lost the casseroles I sent! Now you're asking 'what's for dinner'? Deal breaker, future ex-husband. I want to make handcrafts, not cook more endless meals for an ingrate like you, spindly old man, and your mates. Make me! I have cellulite here. If you make me stop weaving and start to cook meals, you shall give yourself a herniated disc. Then you shall need a spinal surgeon."

"My camels are hungry...."

That set her right off. "I suppose you expected the Blessed Virgin Mary to feed all the pets too. Did you at least sweep up after those scrawny, emaciated fur things, standing there? Oh no, O Wise King. As if Mary did not have enough to do, giving birth in a stable."

The senior queen was on a roll by now.

"I should never have trusted you in a camel's spit to attend the Nativity. We wise queens have chick power. You so-called Wise Kings do not! I wish to make more weaving , not feed yet more pets. You are really wise, aren't you. Lot of sniveling excuses for real men. You jokers will get all the credit, while the three queenies got to stay home and never went anywhere. Then they say you three woke up a beautiful new sleeping baby in the cold desert night, only to check that it was a boy. Now that was really true wisdom."

"No wonder the poor little Virgin Mary quietly told you three to get lost. So you did. That is all you are good for. Were you even there for the afterbirth? Did you three make any peace on Earth while you were there? Not at all, that is just a real doozy. We would have, that giant task will always need a woman's touch."

"What do you mean, here's your dirty underwear? Oh no, so not wise husband. You are so out of here. What's that?"

"If you cook dinner, I'll do the dishes...."

"Oh really!" The wise queen sneered. "How many times have I heard that little big lie? Leave the dishes! Ha! I suppose you said that at Bethlehem too. Now the Virgin Mary is soaking in dish washing suds. She can handle it. If you want anything done, ask a chick! You did not even bring me home a bunch of desert roses!"

Her husband finally got a word to say.

"I know what is wrong with you! You're just jealous. Do you think you need anger management? Do we need counselling?"

"Blooper!" roared the older queen. "I'll show you some anger issues. Get lost!"

The wise chick hefted her prize muscly arms, and piffed her now ex-husband and his scruffy, starving pets, into the sky. He got lost from her palace and her unbroken heart....."

Imogen laughed. This pink Bible was great. Any church lady could relate. The new word carried on for a few more paragraphs in the chapter. "That is why, even to this modern day, we can only find truly wise men on Christmas cards. It all made sense, somewhere, way back when. How is your ex treating you?"

Finishing her coffee, Imogen reflected. "Good for you, wise queen. Cheers for chicks!"