Breath In and Out

Deep breath in. Slowly out.

She couldn’t stop repeating those words to herself in her head, trying her best to stay calm. How could she though? He had texted her that he would be running late and all her mind could do is race on with a list of possibilities. It was like a nightmare, and she had the choice to follow through or just leave and forget anything ever happened.

“Sorry I'm late baby.” Too late. “The presentation was running late and I had to stay to put on a good look for the company.” He kissed her on the forehead and all she felt was the toxic burn of his skin. 

“Don’t worry about it. I know you get busy.” All she could do was smile as she tried to keep the conversation going. He seemed tired, worn out, she was sure that he was telling the truth. What if she was wrong and it was all a misunderstanding. He obviously loved her, and she knew his work was important to him.

“Oh, this reminds me. I got you this.” He slid a box across the table, obviously containing jewelry. Her eyes lit up, she had him all wrong.

She quickly reached over and opened the box, wide eyed and glowing smile. Until her face began to drop as she saw what the box contained. A silver bracelet decorated with butterfly charms. In any other situation she would have put it on as fast as she could, thanking him for the gift. But this was not a situation to be thanking him for. He proved her right, in less than a minute of her doubting herself.

“Sorry babe, I have to take this call.” His phone had been vibrating for a few seconds before he grabbed it off the table and walked off to the bathroom. 

She was right. What would she do now? Just walk out before he comes back, or finish the meal she had ordered for herself? From the corner of her eye she saw him walking back, a smug smile as he texted with frenzy. 

“Okay, no more calls for the night. I’m going to order and we are going to have a nice date.” He raised his hand, waving down the nearest waiter to bring a menu for him. 

She decided it was time.

“Don’t bother, I’m going to go.” She began to get a hold of her stuff as he questioned her rush. “I know what you did. Clarissa. That’s her name isn’t it? She is your co-worker who you had to train, I remember her.” Her eyes began to burn with hot tears but she wouldn’t let them fall. Not for him.

“Gina, what are you talking about? I never-”

“She has this same bracelet. I saw because you guys took a photo together at the company retreat and she was wearing it. You couldn’t even be original?” She stood up, almost losing her balance as she tried to focus her eyes on a straight path out. “I’m leaving, and I really don’t want to talk to you again. So please, don’t try.” 

Against her will her tears began to escape, but by then she was heading out the door and shuffling through her bag for the keys to her car. Her heels made her walk feel like an obstacle course, made worse when her runny make up slipped into her eyes. She fell into her driver seat, slamming the door and laying on the wheel, finally letting everything out. Feeling dumb for letting him do this to her.

For weeks it felt like she couldn’t function. Eating was hard, since everything felt like it needed energy. Sleep was out of the question, she felt too lonely. Her nights would end crying in her covers while listening to playlists specifically made for her mood. Her friends tried to come over, cheer her up and pull her out of bed. Her family called, her parents checking in on her but knowing she was still grieving for what she thought was love. 

Eventually she got tired of feeling bad for herself. She knew she had to do something, even if it was just a small trip out.

“I am so happy you called! I will literally buy you anything when we get there.” Her friend beamed as she threw all the clothes from the dresser. “You are going to need it because these outfits need to go.” She grabbed her final pick and threw it across the room and into Gina's face.

The mall seemed too bright and childish for her. It was littered with awkward teenage dates, groups of friends, and moms who were dragged there by their kids. Her friend was all too happy to be there, but she felt it was only because she had finally agreed to go out. She was dragged into every store in the mall, but didn’t want anything. It was starting to feel like a waste of time.

“Please, one last store and then we can go. I love their clothes here.” Her friend begged until she gave in, being pulled into a small clothing store she had not seen before.

The outfits were a bit out of her comfort zone, but she felt more comfortable. It felt like a new start, away from the hurt she had been feeling. She grabbed a few hangers, but was hesitant to try them on. Some seemed too crazy of a switch for her while others just didn’t look right.

“I want to give up. I had high hopes in this store and it changed nothing.” Gina sat next to her friend wearing a new dress.

“I like it.” She turned quickly, shocked by the voice behind her. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you, but that dress looks really nice. You should get it.” 

He didn’t look like her type at all, but something about him made her feel good. His words felt genuine, with no other motives. He obviously worked there, as his name tag was shiny and pinned right where she could see. He gestured her to leave back to the dressing room to change. She did, still thinking about him, and for some odd reason, smiling. She walked back to the check out as her friend squealed and poked at her.

“I can ring you up.” He waved her down, his smile seeming so kind. “Where are you going to wear this out to? A date?” 

She didn’t know what was coming out of her mouth, but said it with no hesitation.

“With you?” 

She began to panic. Why did she say that to a complete stranger? She didn’t even know his name.

“Well, that is a bit forward.” She wanted to just walk away. “I like it. Sure, I’m down.” He placed her dress in a bag and pressed buttons that made the cash register spit out a receipt.

“S-sounds good.” Gina had no control of her body as she wrote her name and number on the receipt paper he slid in front of her.

“Gina? Cute name. My name is Leo.” He handed her bag and she slowly backed up. “Have a good day, Gina.”

Deep breath in. Slowly out.

That’s all Gina could think as she waited for him, why did she arrive so early? So many questions ran through her mind. Maybe her dress looked a bit weird, or she was at the wrong restaurant. What if something went wrong, like her eating something that made her breath smell.

“Did you wait long?”