Different Name, Same Life

When they were born, they were named Allina. That’s the name they had been told was theirs from the moment they were born. They didn’t know of any other name that could ever be theirs except for Allina. When they were three they had decided it was their favorite name, it was the only thing they had that they didn’t have to share. It was the name given to them by their parents, making it extra special.

Although, when they were around twelve the name Connor stood out to them. They liked the fact that it was often a name associated with guys, and they loved that idea. They hadn’t felt like they think a girl should ever since they learned about the word Transgender. Soon, they believed they were transgender and didn’t think that Allina should be their name anymore. Allina was too feminine, it didn’t match who they believed they were. So, they started going by Connor, only around friends at first though.

Now they’re fifteen. They’ve been Connor for three years now, but they aren’t that boy anymore. They want something that shows that they’re not a girl, but also not a guy. They’ve talked to some people on the internet, at school, and even a few strangers they met at a pride event. That’s when they learned the word nonbinary. They realized that it might actually be the word they’ve been looking for. The only problem was, they needed a name to go with this new identity. There was an entire list they had put together filled with name, after name, after name! Kai, Skylar, Justice, Justin, Kal, Keith the list just went on and on, seeming to never have an end. They just couldn’t decide on one, but no way they were ever going back to Allina, that was way too feminine, but Connor doesn’t work either. They seemed to be stuck in a pickle.

They’re seventeen and they’ve had enough. They aren’t Connor anymore, they aren’t Allina anymore, they’re someone different. They know that they need to figure this out soon. They know that their parents are catching on. Maybe if they stop pouring over baby name sites and ask a friend, maybe they would be given a good name. They started asking people different questions, trying to find a good name, Alex, Brenden, August, Kaden, Lance, Indiana, Seattle, Patryc, Koi. There were just so many names, they were starting to think they would never have a suitable name. But, when their mother came to them one night, she called them Zayn. A unique name that their mother had thought about giving to them rather Allina.

They’re eighteen, their mother and father are sat beside them, there’s paperwork between three, and with one graceful movement, Allina is no more. There’s an adult in her place, the adult’s name being Zayn, and at their side are two crying people. A man and a woman, Zayn can’t help but smile at them, they’ve found a name. They’ve been given a name by their mother, and it’s their favorite name yet.