Right Out of Her Mouth

‘I have a crush on you.’

The second the words fell out of her mouth, Eve slapped a hand over her lips. Pressing them back in. Even to her own reflection, she seemed panicked, feverish; red cheeks, bright eyes and a hint of mania. Barely herself. Had she ever looked this excited before?

Could she do it?

The bedroom door behind her opened and she whirled, pressing her back against the mirror. Her sister, twelve, sassy and wearing an oversized sweatshirt she’d stolen from their brother. ‘We’re late. Alex is already annoyed. You coming?’

‘Um… yeah.’

Lily frowned, looking her older sister over and then wrinkling her nose. ‘Why are you so weird?’

She didn’t wait for a reply, which was good because Eve wasn’t really sure she had an answer. She’d torn apart her wardrobe already, her room a battleground of discarded outfit choices. Finally, she’d settled on a t-shirt that she’d been told made her eyes pop and her favourite jeans. She looked back and the mirror and grimaced. Maybe not. She grabbed a hoodie and hid inside it, pulled her hair into a messy ponytail, grabbed her phone and backpack, and took the stairs two at a time.

Outside, Alex sat in his car, waiting impatiently as he scrolled through his phone and leaned briefly on the horn. The bark of noise made Eve jump, and she yanked open the car and slunk inside. Alex spared her a single glanced in his mirror and rolled his eyes.

Eve slunk down in the seat, shoving her earbuds into her ears.

Lily slammed into the front seat, and Alex peeled out of the drive. Eve stared out of the window and watched the matchstick houses scroll past, waiting for it to end. Was she the only teenager in the world who looked forward to school? When they pulled into the school parking lot her heart began to pulse in her throat. It was hard to swallow. Her palms began to sweat. She wasn’t even listening to her playlist anymore. 

Then she saw her. Anna. The girl who had held her hand after she’d broken her arm on her bike. The girl who had held back her hair when she’d drunk too much at Allie Mitchel’s party. The girl who had cried on her shoulder when her mother had died. The girl who smiled at her like she was the whole world. 

The girl who had admitted to being bisexual last week when they’d been playing truth or dare. The girl she was hopelessly in love with. The girl she was finally going to ask out. Today. 

Eve had been trying for three days. Every time she tried she ended up choking on her words. But today, today she was going to do it. Today.

Anna was wearing a beret which on anyone else would have been goofy. On her it was charming. Complimenting her tangled mess of brown curls. Her bright green eyes. 

Eve bailed from the car almost before it had stopped. She rushed over to Anna, who turned to her like a sunflower towards the sun.

‘Evie!’ 

Anna was the only one who called her that. It made Eve’s heart sing. ‘Hi.’

‘I wanted to talk to you!’ Anna said, taking the words right out of Eve’s mouth and grabbing her hands. Even if she had wanted to say anything, she didn’t think she’d be able to. Anna’s hands were callused from playing the cello and they rasped against Eve’s skin in a way that was deeply distracting. 

‘Is your brother here yet?’

Eve blinked, stirred from her stupor. ‘Uh, no, why?’

‘That’s what I have to talk to you about,’ Anna continued, smiling so wide that her dimple made an appearance.

‘You wanted to talk to me about my brother?’

‘We agreed I should be the one to tell you,’ Anna said, swinging their joined hands, ‘Alex was worried that you might take it badly, but I don’t think so.’

Eve pulled back her hands, wrapping her arms around herself. ‘Take what badly, Anna?’

‘Alex and I are dating,’ she said, her smile dimming for a moment as she scanned Eve’s face. 

When Eve had been ten, she’d begged her parents for a PlayStation 3 for Christmas. It had been a months-long campaign that she’d mounted. Every time she’d found a discount code or a sale, she’d shown them. And then, on Christmas day, Alex had gotten a PlayStation 3 and Eve had gotten an iPad. Eve remembered how small she had felt, how ignored and forgotten. 

This was worse. Nothing had ever felt like this before. For a moment even breathing was difficult. Her heart was in pieces in her chest, pain blooming in her veins. Her stomach cramped. But she kept her face blank and unresponsive.

Alex slid into the space beside Anna, slipping his arm around her shoulders and hugging her into his side. She beamed up at him and as he looked down at her, his usual snarky facade gone to show something soft that Eve hadn’t seen in a very long time.

Eve could hardly hear over the sound of blood rushing in her ears. The devastation was complete. 

‘Evie?’

The world came back into focus. Eve blinked. ‘Yeah?’

Anna’s face was a picture of concern. But it was Alex who asked. ’Are you okay?’

‘Uh, yeah,’ Eve managed, ‘I’m happy for you guys. I just… I feel sick all of a sudden, sorry.’

And she rushed past them in the direction of the nearest girls bathrooms. 

‘Eve!’

‘Evie!’

Eve pretended she couldn’t hear. It was early, so no-one got in the way when she ran towards the chemistry block bathrooms. She slammed inside, hunching over the nearest sink, gripping onto the porcelain with white knuckles. She looked up at herself in the pockmarked mirror, horrified to see that she was crying. She scrubbed madly at her eyes and, when that didn’t work, she splashed her face with the frigidly cold water from the taps.

Behind her, the toilet flushed, and Allie Mitchel exited the stall. She frowned when she saw her. 

‘You okay?’

Eve took a deep breath in and held it for a moment. ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’