Float Among the Shining Giants

Every night I draw back the dark curtains that hide my window, and sit upon the window seat. Staring at the glimmering stars above, dreaming to be there. What is it like to soar among them; to be with the shining giants.

I’ve always been small, picked on because I wasn’t like any of the other boys in class. Jasper the tiny ghost, is what all the other kids call me. They say it's because I’m invisible to everyone. No one notices me. I prefer it that way. I stay in the back of the class, trying to not bother anyone. I sit at my desk, never uttering a word. Waiting for the day to pass. 

Recess is always the worst time of the day. I sit to lay in the grass at the edge of the baseball field, reading astronomy books, as all the other kids play. Of course, that is what I do until Braven, Kyle, and Tony come to pick on me.

Today, I’m in the same spot, tugging on a lock of my pale blonde hair and reading about asteroids. Then, a shadow blocks the sun from my view. I glance up and find the three of them blocking the light. They have been tormenting me since first grade. After five years, I should be accustomed to their antics, but a twinge of fear still sprouts in my chest.

“Hey, Jasper the tiny ghost is reading again!” Then Braven snatches the book out of my hand with his chubby finders, tossing the book in the grass behind him. I stand up as quick as I can and shrink away from the three of them. This has been constant since first grade. “Hey Jasper, what's the smallest planet?” Tony says as he spits in my face between his tooth gap. 

I shrink into myself even more, “Um.. P-Pluto… It’s a d-dwarf planet…” 

Tony smirks and opens his mouth to speak when Kyle doubles over laughing, “A DWARF planet? Get a load of that!” He laughs harder, “A dwarf planet for a dwarf to live on.” Tony and Braven laugh at the shallow joke.

 I swallow hard. Their figures tower over me, same as always, but today something is off. I have the courage to speak up and I don’t question this sudden surge of confidence. I determinedly stare into Kyle’s eyes, “M-Maybe you three should live there instead. It's so cold y-your mouths might f-freeze shut. Then t-there would be less i-idiocy in the world.”

They stop laughing and stare at me in disgust, looking for a comeback to my statement. Combined they likely share one brain-cell. Braven hisses, “Shut up trash.” and pushes me so hard my back hits the baseball field fence behind me. Hard. The rattling of the fence grits my teeth.

There is something different today, I notice I tower over them. My true height hasn’t changed, but metaphorically, I’m as tall as the giants at the top of Jack’s beanstalk. I don’t know why I have a source of new found courage, but I won’t let it go to waste. 

I shout so loud my voice cracks, “WHAT DID I EVER DO TO DESERVE THIS! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!” I rush forward and shove Tony into Braven. In unison they grunt, “Oof!” crashing together. Braven’s large body thuds onto the hard terrain while Tony groans rubbing his head. I turn to the left and see Kyle staring at the two boys in shock. His momentary confusion vanishes as he turns and charges me. 

I step to the side at the very last second and bolt. Behind me, I hear a crash and the rattling of the fence from Kyle crashing into it. I bend down to pick up my book and sprint through the mass of students running straight into the school building.

I don't look back to see if I’m being stared at or chased. My small heart beating out of my chest. I run until I'm at my science teacher’s door, Mrs.Bernard, and I stand there panting, sweat dripping down my forehead and back.

Looking through the glass, I see her sitting at her desk with a plastic container of food. I grab the door knob and twist just as footsteps pound down the hall. I turn my gaze up to find Tony and Kyle dashing towards me. Kyle with a bright red splotch on his forehead that's already starting to bruise. Braven is probably not far behind them. 

I throw open the door and slam it closed behind me. I don’t lock it. They hopefully don’t know that Mrs. Bernard is here, and since the teachers on duty haven’t rushed in behind them, they probably didn’t see me dash off. I’m relying on them not knowing Mrs. Bernard is in here, possibly walking into their consequence.

I turn to see Mrs.Bernard staring worriedly at me through her glasses, “Jasper, what's going on?” 

I gasp for breath, “Being… c-chased by them,” I point to the door, “They shoved me i-into the fence and tried to hurt me. I pushed back,” I gasp, “and ran.” 

She stands up and goes straight to the door, “Where were the duty teachers?” She sounds furious. 

“I don’t think they saw.” I hide behind her as she opens the door to see who was chasing me. Now that I’m safe, I realize how horrible of an idea this was. I’m suddenly overcome with fear and dread. 

She shouts, “HEY! GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!” I hear footsteps dashing down the hall. Tony and Kyle must have turned back around when they realized I ran to a teacher. Mrs.Bernard huffs and closes the door, she doesn’t need to chase them down. The whole school is fenced in and the only way to get in and out is with a key-card that only staff members possess. Kyle and the others will be found even if they skip class. 

“Come here Jasper.” We walk back over to her desk and she pulls up a chair to face her’s. We sit face-to-face. 

Mrs.Bernard is the one teacher in this entire school who notices me and seems to care if I’m okay. 

“Jasper,” she says with a gentle voice, “tell me everything.”

So for the remainder of recess I sit with Mrs.Bernard and tell her about Kyle, Tony, and Braven bullying me. I tell her how they confront me in lone places, curse at me, shove me, hit me, steal and break my things. Once I finish my explanation she hugs me, but the book clutched  in my hands is a wall wedged between us. I set the book on her desk and wrap my arms around her, digging my hands into the soft-knit of her jacket and sob into her dark hair. 

She lets me go and stares at me with piercing blue eyes. Still grasping my hands she says, “We are going to the office right now and you are going to tell them what they have done.”

The same fear and dread from before rises in my throat, I wipe away snot and tears, “No n-no, if I get them in trouble then they will just be worse to me.” 

She smiles, “We’ll handle that after, but this is what you need to do. If you don't, they will continue to bully you as long as you all go to school together. If you don’t stand up for yourself and ask for help, they will never stop.” She glances down at the floor and then back up at me, “You are a bright child Jasper. It would be a waste to have such a bright flame extinguished. You told me once you wanted to be an astronaut and go to space. If you keep allowing people to keep your rocket from launching, how will you ever make it to space?” The recess bell rang, and a wall within me shattered. Every night I drew back my curtains to gaze upon the stars, her words reverberated in my head.

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Elementary school went by in a flash. The rest of fifth grade I ate with Mrs.Bernard at lunch, even if she was on duty. She would tell me about her family and science, then listen to me ramble about the book I was reading or anything else I felt like jabbering about.

Kyle, Tony, and Braven got suspended for a week and when they came back, avoided me everywhere. Mrs.Bernard might have talked to them, or maybe they were just scared of me. 

Either way, I was happy that they were finished picking on me. Sixth grade I still ate lunch with Mrs.Bernard and I befriended a new student named Joey Yoo. We both had a fascination with space, though he wanted to study the stars and planets from a laboratory. Thankfully, to him, the fact that I was shorter than him never made a difference in our friendship. He even called me ‘the tiny astronaut’. As a child I thought it sounded like a movie, so I let it stick.

Throughout junior high and high school, Joey and I remained close. We did everything together. I even tried out for baseball with him every year even though I had no interest or experience in the sport. After many practices and tryouts, I made the team my junior and senior year. I also kept in contact with Mrs. Bernard from time to time. 

Graduation came and we both were at the top of our class. Though I was in the running for valedictorian, a C in woodworking held me back. And just like every year I was still short, never growing taller than 5’7”. But people said I made up for it with my towering intellect. 

That summer me and Joey split to attend two different colleges, but we stayed in contact. Sadly, losing contact with Joey by the end of college. I graduated college with a bachelor’s degree in biological science and went on to work for NASA. After three years of piloting planes and studying the cosmos, I applied to be an astronaut. Finally, after a lifetime of work, I passed the astronaut exam. Officially being given the title of astronaut.

That night I got home and sat in front of the window, the stars twinkling bright. I decide to make a call.

The phone rings and a familiar voice picks up, “Hey Jasper! It's been a while since we last spoke, I was wondering how you were doing.”

My voice sounds distant, but happy, “I did it, I passed the astronaut exams. I made it.” 

“That’s wonderful Jasper! Congratulations! We should get together sometime with your family and friends to celebrate!” The voice shrieks with delight. 

“Absolutely Mrs.Bernard.” I suck in a deep breath, “Every night as a child I used to look out my window at the stars and all I could imagine was being up there with them, floating among the giants of space as I looked down over Earth. But the people saying I would never be enough held me back. Then the day you said, ‘If you keep allowing people to keep your rocket from launching, how will you ever make it to space?’ I stopped just looking at the stars and decided I was going to walk among them. I grew to know I was enough. So thank you for helping me build my rocket and for helping it launch.” We chat a while longer and then end the call when it gets late into the night.

I remember the little boy with pale hair and curious brown eyes who sat on the window seat. Staring into the reflection of the window now, I see the same little boy, but not the shy one who sat and only dreamt. I see the one who built his rocket, laboring over it for years. 

I slide open the window, feeling the cool autumn breeze rush my face. Slowly, my hand reaches towards the stars, “I’ll be there soon, just wait. I’ll float among the shining giants.”