Finding my voice

    Sam O’Brien stood staring at the flyer hanging on the bulletin board in front of the school office. The flyer read:

Public Speaking Contest

To be held Friday April 23^rd in the auditorium of Washington High School

Competition will begin at 12:00 pm

Winner to receive a full ride scholarship to Northern University

Sign up by April 10^th with the University counselor’s office

“A full ride scholarship,” thought Sam. He wanted nothing more in the whole wide world. “I am going to do it. I am going to win that contest if it is the last thing I do.” Sam said to him self as a confident grin spread across his face.

  Sam came rushing into his house. He found his mother in the kitchen sweeping the floor. “Mom!” he shouted at her, “I have found a way to get a full ride scholarship.” She looked surprised and puzzled at him. “Oh really, and how are you going to do this?” she asked. Sam rapidly told her about the contest without seeming to stop for breath. His mother smiled indulgently at him. “Oh dear, that sounds wonderful, but I don’t think this is a good contest for you.” She said sympathetically. “What! Why not?” he asked his mother indignantly. “Don’t you remember the school play in 3^rd grade, the talent show in 7^th grade, or the time you had to get up in front of the church to accept the special award. You freeze up. You can not move let alone speak in front of groups of people.” She said gently to him. Sam seemed to deflate right in front of her eyes. She lovingly took Sam into her embrace and said, “You have a lot of great talents son, but public speaking is not one of them.”  

   Sam broke the embrace and completely defeated he walked to his room. He shut the door and threw himself on to his bed. “What am I going to do now?” he asked himself. Sam wanted to go to college more than anything, but he knew he did not have good enough grades for a scholarship, he was not better then average at sports, And his parents did not have enough money to pay for his tuition. He knew there were loans he could get to pay for his education, but then he would be in debt for several years after the fact, and he knew this was no way to start his life as an adult. “I have to win that scholarship.” Sam pleaded to himself.

  Sam began to look thoroughly at the problem. “Why do I freeze up when I get in front of crowds?” He asked himself. It just did not make sense to him. He had a lot of friends, so he was a part of large groups regularly, but he knew being part of a large group was different than being in front of a large group all by yourself with everyone staring at you. He recalled all too well what happened to him every time he got in front of a crowd. He remembered the paralyzing fear that overtook him, and how his breath seemed to be slowly squeezed out of him, and then the sea of faces in front him would start to blur until things just went dark. He would always wake up later behind stage surrounded by people asking him if he was ok. This was always embarrassing to him, and a constant source of entertainment to the other kids in his class. A determined look came upon Sam’s face and he said to himself, “I will over come this fear. I have too.”

   The next morning Sam woke up early and got to school two hours early. He went straight to Mr. Smith’s class. Mr. Smith was Sam’s favorite teacher. Sam found him sitting behind his desk grading papers. “Sam,” Mr. Smith said in a surprised tone, “you are here awful early this morning.” “Hello Mr. Smith. I wanted to ask you a question.” Sam said anxiously. Mr. Smith Looked at Sam expectantly. “Have you seen the flyer post on the board at the front office about the public speaking competition?” Sam asked. “Yes, what about it?” replied Mr. Smith. “I want to compete for the scholarship, and I wondered if you would help to coach me?” Sam asked. A surprised look came upon Mr. Smith’s face as he replied, “I don’t know Sam. I still remember the talent show in 7^th grade.” “please Mr. Smith,” begged Sam, “I know I have had problems speaking in front of groups in the past, but I just know I can do this with your help.” Mr. Smith looked deep into Sam’s eyes, and he could see the desperation and determination mixed in his soul. Mr. Smith let out a deep sigh and said, “Alright, I will help you, but you will have to put in the work. I will expect you in here at this time every morning, every day at lunch, and for two hours after school everyday Monday through Friday.” He went on, “I don’t know if you can win or not, but it won’t be for lack of preparation on my part. We have one month to get ready, so we better get started right away.” Sam’s face was beaming. “WOOHOO!” He shouted and jumped into the air. Mr. Smith smiled seeing the youthful exuberance that was radiating from Sam.

  “First things first,” Mr. Smith said, “you have to write a speech.” “What about?” Sam asked. “That is up to you.” Mr. Smith replied, “I suggest you pick a topic that is close to your heart. Think about your audience, and how you are going to connect with them.” Mr. Smith went on, “You have to remember that these judges are going to hear several speeches that day, so you need catch their attention and stand out from the rest.” Mr. Smith saw Sam sitting in the chair across for him in deep concentration. “I am not going to micromanage this part of the process. It is always best to start a speech with a story. This is your chance to catch their attention early. You have one week to show me a finished speech.” Mr. Smith said.

   Sam worked dedicatedly on the speech over the next week. He spent hours on the computer or pouring over books gathering facts he needed. This was the easy part for Sam. He was very imaginative, and he was good at putting papers together. By the end of the week Sam had completed a speech that should take him seven minutes to deliver. Just what was needed to participate in the competition.

  Mr. Smith looked well pleased as he read over the finished speech. “If we can get you over your stage freight you just might have a winner on hands here.” Mr. Smith said with a smile on his face. “Did you make note cards to practice your speech with?” asked Mr. Smith. “No,” replied Sam, “I do not need any I have it memorized already.” “Really,” said Mr. Smith in a surprised tone, “well then we are a head of the game.”

    Mr. Smith had Sam stand at the front of the classroom and start to deliver his speech.  Sam stood at the front of the class gripping the podium as if that was the only thing keeping him from dropping off a thousand foot cliff. He said the words mechanically with no feeling that first time. Mr. Smith let him go through the entire speech with out interruption. After Sam finished, he asked nervously, “How did I do?” Mr. Smith smiled and said with a little chuckle, “well you have it memorized.” Sam looked disappointed. Mr. Smith said, “You need to put some feeling into your words. You do not want to sound like you are reading your speech, and you are to stiff up there you need to get rid of that podium you look like you are trying to hide behind it.” He continued on saying, “You need to project your voice more too. You will be speaking to a large crowd, and they need to hear you all the way in the back.” Mr. Smith could see Sam sag under the criticism, and he quickly addressed the situation saying, “Hey, Perk up. You did a good job for your first time. I am impressed with the fact that you wrote and memorized your speech in only a week. That is not easy to do, but we have a lot of work to do in a short time if you want to win this competition, and we don’t have time for you to get sensitive every time I give you some constructive criticism.” Sam looked up a little ashamed and said, “Your right. I am sorry. Let us do it again.” Mr. Smith smiled, and he said, “That’s what I want to hear. Let us make a few changes to the room to help you be more successful.”

  For Sam’s second attempt Mr. Smith and he removed the podium from the front of the class, and Mr. Smith Turned on a radio in the back of the classroom telling him he needed to speak loud enough to be heard over it. Sam stood in the middle of the front of the classroom, and he started his speech. He was two sentences in when he heard Mr. Smith shout out, “I can’t hear you!” Sam immediately raised the volume of his voice. Mr. Smith shook his head in assurance but would shout out, “Louder!” every few moments. When Sam finished his second try Mr. Smith said, “Much better! You had the perfect volume there at the end. I want you to try and be heard all the way in the principal’s office from here. I want the administration to come running in here wanting to know what is going on.” Sam smiled at the thought. “You have a great voice for public speaking, but you sound like you are trying to rush through the speech. Slow it down. Take a breath now and again.” Mr. Smith advised. “I know. I get nervous, and before I know it, I am just speeding through it.” Sam acknowledged. “that is natural. We will sit down and script out some pausing spots for you on your speech, before you leave, and you can go home and practice in front of your mirror at home. The mirror will help you make sure your movements look fluid. We will script your movements as well.” Mr. Smith said.

   Sam went home that night and practiced everything Mr. Smith and he had worked on that day. He stood in front of a full length mirror and focused on his movements as Mr. Smith had told him the importance of stage presence. After about an hour Sam’s mother was knocking on his door asking him to please keep it down as his father and her were trying to watch tv and could not hear it over his voice. “But Mom I have to practice.” Sam complained.  “Well practice quieter.” Was his mother’s response. Sam smiled thinking of how well he was projecting.

    By the end of the second week Sam was owning that stage. He knew his speech inside and out, and mastered his voice and presentation in front of Mr. Smith and his parents. Sam was feeling super confident when Mr. smith dropped a surprise in his lap. Wednesday after school when Sam walk into the classroom for practice, he was shocked by the sight of ten teachers sitting in the room. “What is this?” Sam asked. “Practice.” Replied Mr. Smith. “You need to start practicing in front of groups, so I figured we would start in front of a small group.” He said with a smile. Sam swallowed hard and felt nervous immediately. “It’s ok, you got this.” Mr. Smith said encouragingly. Sam walked to the front of the room staring at his feet. He looked out into the crowd, and he lost it. Sweat started streaming down his face. He picked one person and stared with eyes wide. Sam opened his mouth to speak, but it felt like his breath was being choked out of him, and he was incapable of getting a single word out. His vision began to blur, and before anyone knew what was happening, he collapsed into darkness right there in the front of the classroom.

    Sam woke up on the floor surrounded by the teachers calling out his name asking him if he was ok. Sam knew immediately what had happened and his face reddened with embarrassment. He sat up and assured everyone he was ok. Mr. Smith ushered the other teachers out then came back to sit with Sam. “What Happened?” asked Mr. Smith. “What happened?” responded Sam angrily as he got to his feet, “The same thing that always happens to me in that situation.” Sam walked over to the desk and picked up a copy of his speech and threw it across the classroom. “I can’t do it!” Sam raved. “I have just been wasting your time. I don’t know why I ever thought I could do this.” Sam was shouting and pacing the room full of anger and resentment at himself. “Hold on there!” Said Mr. Smith In a firm voice. “Act as if.” Mr. smith said plainly. “What is that supposed to mean?” asked Sam in an irritated voice.  “It means you act as if everything went well. I know you had a set back today, but it is not the end of the world, and you acting like a fool doesn’t help matters.” Mr. Smith said with a strong but not unkind look. “Not the end of the world? How can you say that after what has just happened?” Sam asked choking back tears of disappointment.  “You told me you could do this,” Mr. Smith said firmly, “I still believe you can. Today was nothing but a stumble, but it is up to you pick your self up and dust yourself off, or sit there and have a pity party for yourself. I am still here to help you if you want to pick yourself up. What is it going to be?” Sam looked at Mr. Smith for a long minute, and then he said, “I will get up. Thank you for believing in me.”

   After that day Mr. Smith came up with a new plan to over come Sam’s fear. He started with one other person in the classroom besides himself, and he increased that number by one more person every day. Sam did not have another episode for the rest of the time. Sam’s confidence was soaring as they approached the big day.  At the end of the day before the big day Mr. smith sat Sam down and told him, “I am so proud of you. No matter what the outcome is tomorrow, I want you to know just what you have accomplished. I have watched you grow so much over these past few weeks. Go out there and have fun tomorrow. I will be out there in the audience, so you know if nothing else you have someone on your side out there.” He placed his hand on Sam’s shoulder and squeezed lightly giving him a smile. Sam smiled back and said, “Thank you for all you have done for me.”    

    On the big day Sam was backstage pacing nervously. He was wearing a brand new suit, and he kept fidgeting with the jacket while he a waited his turn on stage. He had already watched ten different competitors walk out to present their speeches to the crowd. He grew more nervous every time he heard the crowds erupt into applause when someone had finished their presentation, and it was even worse when one girl came running back bawling her eyes out. This would be the largest group by far that he had ever spoke in front of. There were 600 people in attendance including his parents and Mr. Smith. As Sam continued to pace, he heard the applause for the tenth individual, and the stage manager told him to get ready. He was up next. Sam heard his name announced, and he walked out to center stage and faced toward audience looking at the floor the entire time. He took a deep breath, looked up, and started his speech. By the end of the story that started his speech, he could feel the sweat starting to pour down his face. He started having trouble catching his breath. Sam started to panic a little. “OH no! Not again!” Sam pleaded inside his head. Then his vision began to blur. Sam scanned the audience trying to find something to bring his focus back when his eye landed on Mr. Smith and his parent sitting in the middle of the crowd. Sam had just enough clarity left to see them smile, and instantly the situation changed. He felt himself smile back to them, his breathing returned to normal, he stopped sweating, and he delivered his speech flawlessly in a calm cool state of mind.  

    Sam sat waiting for the rest of the presenters to finish their presentations backstage with a big smile on his face. He felt good. He still wanted to win the scholarship, but he knew that even if he did not, he had accomplished something big here tonight. The final presenter finished up about six pm. At six thirty they had all the participants line up on stage. The dean of the university came out on stage and thanked all the participants. “And now the moment we have all been waiting for. The winner of our contest, and the recipient of a full ride scholarship is,” the dean addressed the audience leaving a pause that seemed to last forever at the end “Sam O’Brien!”