Don't Believe Everything on the Internet

Well, Betty did it. She died. This is not another hoax. The story begins with the sad news. It goes viral in minutes with fans leaving farewell notes and posts. A few don’t believe it. It is a bit suspicious with the dozen previous fake news stories of her passing. Those had White laughing. Not this time.

“Betty White passed away after a battle with COVID-19. The ninety-eight-year-old entertainer had these final words to leave fans. “Don’t be sad. Tell Carol Burnett it’s hot in Cleveland, and the Golden Girls will shine again.”

Born in Oak Park, Illinois in 1922, White enjoyed a lifetime in front of and behind the camera. Her work as the first female sitcom producer for Life with Elizabeth earned her the honorary title Mayor of Hollywood in 1955. She’s viewed as a pioneer in the television industry.

Fans will remember her for a variety of roles. Her most beloved ones include comedy skits on The Carol Burnett Show, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Golden Girls, and Hot in Cleveland. In addition to these, White was dubbed as the first lady of game shows. She appeared on Password, The Hollywood Squares, and The $25,000 Pyramid to name a few. She even went on to win an Emmy for Outstanding Game Show Host in 1983 for the show, Just Men!

White won a number of awards over the years. She has a star on the exciting Hollywood Walk of Fame. The Television Hall of Fame inducted her in 1983. Disney added to her fame by making her a Disney Legend in 2009.

Information sources for entertainers list her original name as Betty Marion White. Her first name is not short for Elizabeth as is a tradition for females with that name. She has Danish and Greek roots, and her family moved to California in 1923. Her father built radios during The Great Depression. With folks having little money, he often traded these for other goods and even dogs.

White was close friends with famous folks. These include Lucille Ball, Mary Tyler Moore, Liberace, and John Steinbeck. Even though some tension occurred with fellow actress Bea Arthur on the set of The Golden Girls, the two shared laughs and good times. Arthur even waited for all four of the actresses to be together for lunch.

Initially, White planned to be a Park Ranger. However, this was not approved for women. Thus, she went on to follow her love for writing. This brought her to a career as an entertainer beginning in 1939. Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy served as her inspirations.

She went on to marry and divorce her first two husbands. Her third husband passed away in 1981. He and White had no children together, however she was a stepmother to his three children from a first marriage. She never remarried, saying in a quote, “Once you’ve had the best, who needs the rest?” Guess it makes sense to her fans.”

It is quite a story. A hush falls over the industry, both television and theater. Radio stations spread it far and wide. Social media gushes over old photos of White. There is an acceptance this time. Perhaps it’s that she is just shy of a hundred-year-old.

Celebrities rush to leave their memories of her on social media. The saddest one comes from Carol Burnett. She says, “Betty is a dear friend, one that I have the privilege of knowing on and off-camera. I will never forget the impact she has on this crazy world of ours. I shall miss her in the worst way.” She adds, looking up at the sky, “Make ‘em laugh out loud in Heaven, Betty!”

Others come from comedian and fellow actress, SNL’s Tina Fey who says, “God, Betty White? No, I loved having her as an SNL alum. She was an inspiration to me and so many others.” Community alum, and now a panelist on The Masked Singer, Ken Jeong says, “Betty was a wonder to work with, always adding her brand of humor to the set. The cast, and especially I, will never forget her love for all of us. She’s a special angel now. Fly high, Betty!”

A week later, mourners gather in an open-air chapel to say goodbye. It’s a lovely service, packed in tight. Flowers adorn the edges of the space while the grass provides a natural flooring. Sunlight spreads across the sky. The temperature is mild and light. Most of the attendees wear simple sweaters and spring day jackets.

It all fits with the way White would want it. Laughter flowing through the eulogy, which is given by Carol Burnett herself. Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift, and Oprah Winfrey add their thoughts and goodbyes. No one minds the long length. No one wants the burial to come. Saying “so long” to such a beautiful and talented woman is difficult.

As a supporter of gay rights, and especially for her friend Liberace, White will be remembered for her love for humanity as well as animal advocacy. She spent decades from her start with zoos and animal organizations in the 1970s until her death. She donated over $100,000 in a single month, served as a trustee and president emerita, and met the former President Barack Obama.

Even though summer is upon the attendees, the normal humidity and heat never quite appear. This is a good thing because no one knows what’s about to happen. Few realize that it’s her half-birthday, a good time for pranks. Many recall her wicked sense of humor and jokingly ask if she is about to pull one.

Music plays in the background as the attendees gather for the walk to the nearby cemetery. They can no longer put off the inevitable. Jennifer Lawrence and Blake Lively have odd looks on their faces. Supermodel Cindy Crawford asks Brad Pitt, “Is that the tune from a Jack in the Box?”

He shakes his head no and replies with curiosity. “It can’t be. Why would it be?” The two move into the line headed for the cemetery. All is quiet except for the all-too-familiar jingling tune playing in the background. It grows louder as time passes.

A few giggle break out. Disney sitcom stars gather as a cluster. Bella Thorne pauses to look back at the chapel. There’s no denying the curiosity of a surprise. Screenwriter Jessica Lindy says, “Betty wouldn’t pull a fast one with a fake death, would she?” Melissa McCarthy and Alan Alda shrug. Neither will betray the secret, which promises to be big enough to shock most of Hollywood.

Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are the first to see anything out of the ordinary. Hudgens screams and jumps into the hunky arms of Efron. Wayne Brady turns just in time to notice the lid from the casket bouncing open as it’s being rolled out the doorway of the chapel.

The music stops. The attendees freeze in their line positions. Without warning, all can hear the theme song to The Golden Girls playing loud and clear, it’s followed by a loud Tarzan call. All eyes turn to where Carol Burnett stands. She holds her stomach with a firm grasp. Laughter spills from her as the casket pops open. Betty White, with assistance from the eight stand-in pallbearers, climbs out and stands up straight.

She waves and shouts, “I believe the line is Pop Goes the Weasel.” A few attendees faint, including Will Ferrell and Jennifer Aniston. George Clooney gasps in shock. Ellen DeGeneres shouts, “Oh, Betty! You feisty badass!” Justin Bieber breaks out in song and waves his hair even though he obviously no longer has his traditional style and cocky attitude to match.

Betty White is not dead. Again.

Peter Hills hands in his writing assignment. He has a stack of social media posts printed out. He gives it all to his instructor and fellow author, Jo Wilde. She reads through a few lines, skims the remainder of the story, and smiles. She tells him, “I don’t want to be here the day she actually dies.”

Peter’s reply is more of a rhetorical question. “Can you imagine what the world will do on that sad day?”

Jo shakes her head. She gives his story a full review and offers feedback. Aside from a few grammatical errors, slight indeed, she writes positive notes and urges him to continue writing.