Good-Bye

His name's Leo. My best friend since we were little. His soul was trapped in a tiny boy, brown-haired, small eyes, just like mine. I was bigger, taller, and of course, prettier. But, his lashes, I envied them. Boys with lovely lashes would always make me jealous. And he succeeded, far before I understood make-up.

Our friendship started since I got in a preschool where he attended. I got in a year before elementary grade. You can say that I was a newcomer. In Indonesia, most kids joined preschool two to three years before going up to elementary.

I stood up in front of the class, introducing myself with the help of the teacher. My school had a really unique system. Whoever brave enough to talk in front of the class would get big applause. This is such a great thing. I felt more confident after joining preschool. I liked to stand up and talk and answer every question. And luckily, this led me to Leo.

Since I was two and a half years old, mom always gives me books and songs in both Indonesian and English. I understood a bit of English before preschool. One time, we were studying animals in English. My teacher attached animal pictures on the board and asked us to name them. But she would choose only one student to answer. So the race of raising hands started. 

She started counting, One, two, three.

I raised my hand, but it wasn't just me. I saw another hand was raised. I thought I was the smartest among everyone. It turned out I had a rival.

But I won. My teacher asked me to come up and boldly named every animal correctly. I got big applause from everyone. But that guy who also raised his hand gave a standing ovation. He should be annoyed, right? Anyone our age would love to be loved or admired or praised, and he lost the chance because of me. He should've been annoyed and angry. Weirdo. 

Snack time and he came to me, asking me to be his friend. I played hard to get and asked him, "Why would you be friends with me? I took your chance."

And he answered, "Well, that's good. Now, I'm aware of your cleverness. I like clever people. So, can we be friends?" I nodded. 

That was the seed of our friendship. You can say that we looked more like siblings. Even our parents became close. We often went on trips together. It was fun. 

We became inseparable. Because of us, our parents put us in the same elementary school. They even asked the school staff to place us in the same class.

I was glad that our parents supported our friendship like that. Leo and I met every single day. We had breakfast, lunch, sometimes dinner together. Absolutely, we studied and played together. We also went to school or home together. I love having a best friend. I love him, my Leo, my best friend.

Although we were so close, that doesn't mean we never fought. I remember this. That time, we were in fourth grade. We were both straight-A kids and our teacher had this method of studying. All students above B should teach the others, like making small study groups, consisting of two to three groups. So, one kid could only teach two friends at max. This method helped my friends but seriously creating war and riot.

Lily, my friend, Ella, my other friend, and Calvin, another friend of mine, wanted me to be their teacher. I was glad to be with anyone. But the real teacher said two at max. I couldn't choose, they were all my friends. Then, the teacher came and part Lily from us. I was left with Calvin and Ella. I didn't understand why Leo would feel upset when I ended up teaching Calvin. Like, always upset. But don't you try to guess that it had something to do with jealousy or whatever it is that's connected with love. It wasn't. We were in fourth grade. What is love? 

Unluckily, Leo and I were picked up by my mom. His upset face was still there when we almost arrived at his house. He wouldn't answer me, not a word. I was getting more and more irritated and screamed at him, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!!"

Maybe he was surprised by how I acted. Before he replied, my mom nagged me cause I yelled like that. How can I not? I was so furious. 

"I don't like seeing you be friends with Calvin. I told you, he's a bad person. You never listen. You should've chosen Lily and Ella. People like Calvin should just vanish. He's a bad friend, understand?"

That's what he said. He really told me a few times about not liking Calvin. But his reason for not liking him is only "Calvin is a bad person" without any proof. That's why I never listen to him. 

I told him not to mock Calvin without any good and factual reasons. He was silent. Mom was also speechless though we arrived at his house already. 

Leo finally opened up and said, "He talked trash about you. He mocked you without you knowing. He plays nice in front of you cause he wants you to help him study. I hate two-faced people like him. He doesn't deserve you. Not people like you and me."

I was shocked. I could only freeze. Leo continued with more stories about how bad Calvin is, with proofs this time.

I felt embarrassed and happy. He was doing something nice yet I yelled at him and never listened to him. But he was protecting me from bad guys. That's what best friends should do. I really love him.

And that was the biggest fight we ever had. 

Unfortunately, we had to part ways. My parents decided to move to the other side of the city. I had to switch school, too. And sadly, Leo won't be there with me. 

We both cried. While hugging, we made promises. People do pinky promise but we did ring finger promise. It was his idea. Weird, a bit difficult, but valuable. 

"Don't you dare forget about me! When you got your driver's license, you have to take me on trips. When you have the time, just come to my house. Please come to my house. I want to see you often. I don't care. We have to meet a lot!" 

I asked too much, I know. But I was like that, even till now. I wanted this friendship to grow and last forever.

Leo nodded and said, "I promise that I'll bring you on many trips, going around every part of the city, the country, just us ..." he continued for so long. He probably just wanted to cheer me up. He filled his words with many promises. My imagination calmed me down. 

If only all that came true. 

One, two, three weeks. Nothing, he never came. I asked about him through my mom. She knew nothing. She didn't even get any news from his family. 

I wanted to call his house. Sadly, I never kept his number. We saw each other every day. Why would I save his number?

Anyway, I asked my parents for the numbers. They didn't give it to me. I thought they didn't know, too, or lost it. But I realized a few years later that the reason we moved out was cause they had problems with Leo's parents. What kind of problems if you ask me? Simple. Related to money. 

Honestly, I don't care about my parents' problems with his. I never want those things to affect my friendship with my best friend. He was my one and only best friend. Okay?

Seven years have passed.

I tried something else. Since I knew what the internet is, I started my search. I tried to find him but zero. I couldn't find his account, anywhere. 

I didn't stop and finally, I found a Facebook account with his name, his birthday, and where he studies. It turned out that we are attending the same university. How can I never saw him? Am I that blind?

I tried to send messages through the direct message thingy on Facebook. But he never replied. 

Days, weeks, I waited. I gave up. After six and a half months, he replied. And it's really him. He said: Yes, it's Leo. I still remember you. 

I replied: Great! Can we meet up? I still remember your promises years ago :)

He then replied: Yeah. I'll wait for you at the cafe in front of the campus at 4.

I said: Okay! See you tomorrow.

Cut. No more replies. But that made my day already.

Now, I'm on my way to the cafe. I see him, not inside. He waits outside. Weird or maybe he was afraid he couldn't see me, or whatever. He lies his back to the walls, still has brown hair and lovely eyes. The only difference is actually his height. He becomes a very tall guy. I said hi. He doesn't look, busy with his watch and cellphone.

"What do you want?" he says, still not making eye contact with me. Something's wrong. His tone, his voice shouldn't be like this. 

I'm trying to control myself and confidently say, "Still remember me, right? I want you to fulfill your promises. Well, you have your driver's license now, don't you?"

I'm so nervous. I freeze. I can only move my facial area. I force myself to smile though he looks kinda annoyed. 

After hearing my words, he looks at me, "Oh, that. That was a long time ago. I don't think it's important, just child's play. We never met after you moved out. It's not like how it used to be, okay?" without a smile.

I'm shocked. Is this guy really the Leo I know? Anyway, I still try to talk to him. 

"Haha, yeah. You don't need to remember those promises. I was kidding. Well, why didn't you visit me all these years? I've been waiting, you know?" I try my best to sound friendly, not sadly.

He sneers and says, "Why would I visit you? My parents hate your family, so do I. And besides, after you moved, I became the best in the class, the cleverest. I love it." He touches my shoulder with one hand. "You should move on from whatever happened in the past. I don't care about you, understand? All over," and he positions his hand back to his pocket. 

This is not Leo. No way. Just because of family problems, more like parents' problems, he hates me, too? I stick my head up and see him in the eye. I say, "Leo, let our parents' business be theirs. That has nothing to do with our friendship. I don't care if you hate me for being clever, I love you for becoming the top of the class. Congrats. But, I don't want this to be over."

He smirks, "Whatever. But I don't want to remember our past. That's why I'm meeting you, just to make everything clear. That's all. I'm going."

And he goes. I realize how grateful I am to be excellent at controlling my emotions. I hold my tears till I sit in the car. I cry. And nobody's there to cheer me up. Nobody, not anymore.