Quack

‘You know you'll never see her again, don't you? Because of your actions. Because of your behaviour. Because of your delusions.’

‘You’re wrong! You’re just blatantly wrong! I'm not crazy, man- You don't understand- No-one does- Except us- Me and her. You don't know what it was like. When we were together. It was otherworldly - Metaphysical - Heaven on Earth! We’re like Napoleon and Josephine. We chose each other- Outside the simulation! It’s a great love- A love for the ages! We know each other… And we have known each other- For aeons!’

The psychiatrist scribbles in his notebook.

‘Urgh- Look, If you take a particle and separate it, you could put that particle at the opposite ends of the fucking Universe and it would still share the same energies!! Then, if and when that particle gets put together again, its like nothing ever happened, ya know- 'Cause it was together the whole time! Really. 'Cause of the energy- 'Cause it shares the same energy!! This is facts, man- This is scientific fact!! And that’s like me and Ela- That’s like us, man, seriously- That’s fucking us!!! That’s all of us, ya know?? 'Cause that’s all we are- Energy- We’re all just fucking energy!!’

‘Jim, you have fantastical thinking. The person you're referring to, in this case, your ex girlfriend, is an idealised introject in your mind. But, in reality, she does not exist- Except for in your head.’

Jim stares at the psychiatrist, contemptuously.

‘You're blurring the lines between fantasy and reality, Jim. What's real is that you're alone and you have been alone for many years. What's real is that your ex girlfriend left you, a long time ago, and she's not coming back, because you have a mental health condition that causes you to act in harmful ways towards those who are closest to you.’

‘If I could just talk to her though, that's all I need, just a conversation! If we could look into each other’s eyes again, like before, everything would go back to the way it was. We've been separated before and we came back together. We always come back together- That's what she said, the last time I saw her, in the train station, she said- ‘I think you and I are always going to come back to each other.' Because I said, before that- 'Maybe I'll see you again?' and she said- 'You will see me again, Jim' and then she said- 'I think you and I are always going to come back to each other.'

‘Jim, that was a long time ago. There's a good chance her family and friends intervened, in the meantime, and urged her to cut off contact from you. For her health and safety.’

‘Fuck them, man- They’re just jealous!! They’re just trying to keep us apart 'cause our love’s so pure and true! And anyway, she's the evil one, not me- But I don't care!!! Because an all powerful God will always be able to make accomplices with the Devil, or else, he is not an all powerful God!!’

‘You are not God, Jim.’

‘Yes I am!! But then again, so are you. And everyone is, actually - all of us!! 'Cause that's all there is!! And God is love- Pure love and the all powerful creator!! Which is us- All of us!! 'Cause we are the Universe experiencing itself and that means we are all fucking God!!! But most people don't know that, but I do know it, so it's up to me to spread the truth!! And she's part of that! 'Cause I have to change the world with love! That's what they said- Outside the simulation!’

‘We're not in a simulation, Jim.’

‘God damn, it stop saying that!!! How can you be so blind?!?! I left it!! I know it's a simulation 'cause I fucking left it!! And I didn't want to come back, because it was the most real place I'd ever been and I knew that that was what's real, not this and I said - 'I don't want to go back!' But they made me, outside the simulation, 'cause they said I had a mission and that was to change the world with love!!’

‘Jim, you did not leave the simulation, you went into a K hole.’

‘No!!!’

Jim swipes a pamphlet off the small table by his side, in anger and frustration.

‘Calm down, please, Jim.’

‘I am calm.’

Jim picks the pamphlet up from the floor and puts it back, neatly, on the side table, whilst the psychiatrist scribbles in his notebook.

‘Look- The ketamine just unlocked a gateway - It was like a key, that's all- I was shown what I needed to see, when I needed to see it!! I've not left again - Once was enough - I got the message I needed, and I’ve done loads of ket since then!’

‘Are you still taking ketamine, Jim?’

‘No, I stopped recently cause it was interfering with my work.’

‘Your work in temporary hospitality?’

‘No, you short sighted cretin- My work that’s gonna save humanity through the power of love!’

The psychiatrist sighs and scribbles in his notebook.

‘Look, Jim, I’m glad you’ve stopped taking the ketamine. That’s good. That’s really positive.’

‘Whatevs, its just necessary, that’s all- AMOR FATI- Everything is necessary, even suffering and loss and I fucking love ketamine, but I’m prepared to sacrifice it, cause that’s what I have to do- Sacrifice for all our sins!!!’

‘Jim, you had a psychotic episode, which the ketamine exasperated. That’s all. Ketamine is a narcotic. Its an illegal substance and its illegal for a reason- It alters your perceptions of reality. It's made for horses, Jim- Not humans.’

‘Bull shit! They just don’t want you to take it ‘cause of what you can see when you’re on it- The truth! That’s all- They’re lying to us, man- Open your eyes!!!’

‘Who’s they, Jim?’

‘The fourth dimensional beings who want to control us internally and keep us trapped in our mind prisons through hate and fear- Obviously.’

The psychiatrist sighs.

‘Jim, it’s been a stressful few years, what with all the lockdowns and everything, it was hard on all of us- Unprecedented times- I believe you were on your own for most of it, were you not?’

‘Yeah, but that was a good thing, 'cause that’s when I had my spiritual awakening.’

‘Jim, you had a breakdown.’

‘Potato potato.’

‘And you've had a lot of upheaval, mentally, Jim- Over the years, prior to that. So, a series of personal crisis’s, followed by a major global crisis – That’s bound to take it's toll, on anyone, not to mention someone with a history of, complications.’

‘Not on me!! I’m not anyone- I'm a fucking Ubermensch in training, my mind’s made of fucking steeeeel!!! I'm Nietzschean- What does not kill me makes me stronger! I implore my enemies to strike - Nae- I welcome them!!!’

‘Jim, you don't have any enemies. Just many people who've given up on you, who you've hurt, who you've let down, over the years. Because of your recklessness. Because of your impulsivity. Your delusions. Your lack of awareness and empathy. Your inability to communicate functionally on a long term, human to human level. Because of your failure to recognise people as separate entities from yourself and your illusions of grandeur and ideal love.’

‘That's not true!’

‘Jim, I'm afraid this is the truth.’

‘No, its fucking not!! I was told, in the prophecies, there’d be dark forces and that they’d come for me- I have a target on my head, you see?! And they’re trying to destroy me because of my powers- My spiritual powers! But its not their fault! They’ve just got the malevolent interdimensional alien lizards controlling their brains, that’s all! But that’s why I need to love them- All of them. Even my enemies, no, especially my enemies, 'cause even monsters need love!!!’

‘Jim, you do not have enemies and you do not have dark forces targeting you. You have a long term, mental health condition, brought on by complex trauma, instigated in your early developmental years and, unfortunately, as it was left undiagnosed and untreated, one that progressed into adolescence and adulthood. This is the assessment, as a psychiatrist, I've made of you, over the year long period you have been coming to see me, since-‘

The psychiatrist pauses.

‘The incident.’

Jim scoffs.

‘Yeah, well what do you know - You've never even heard of Schopenhauer!’

‘I'm familiar with his work.’

‘Yeah, now you are, 'cause I told you about him, ya fuckin plum! And you Googled him when you got home - It hardly counts!’

The psychiatrist scribbles in his notebook.

‘When’s the last time you contacted your ex girlfriend, Jim?’

‘Last week.’

‘And what was your contact method?’

‘I sent her a text. Well, technically two, but they were at the same time. Related. Kinda.’

‘Jim, you can not be sending any more text messages to your ex girlfriend. If you do, it could be classed as harassment.’

‘Don’t worry, I wont be.’

‘Well, that’s good. Ok. That’s a good start.’

‘That phase is over. We’re on to a new phase now.’

‘Jim, what do you mean? What new phase?’

‘You’ll see.’

‘Jim, what’s the new phase?’

‘You’ll see- There are no mistakes in the simulation.’

‘Jim, I’m afraid this is a huge cause for concern- I need you to share with me what the new phase is, please. Immediately.’

Jim leans forward and takes a drink of water from the glass on the coffee table, that separates him and the psychiatrist, exhales and replaces the glass. He then leans back on the sofa and confidently spreads his legs apart.

‘You’ll see.’

The psychiatrist sighs.

‘Jim. What are you hoping to achieve from all of this?’

‘Just to fulfil my destiny. Like the prophecies said. Like they told me- Outside the simulation.’

‘Are these the prophecies that said you were a light warrior?’

‘Yes, and a phoenix, like Jesus.’

‘Jim, you are not Jesus.’

‘Urgh- I know I’m not, you fucking twit- That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!’

Jim pauses.

‘I’m his brother. Or at least, the equivalent of such. A prophet. Like him. Cause technically, we’re all his brother. Or sister. Or sibling, for the queers.’

Jim smiles at the psychiatrist.

‘Even you, Doctor.’

Jim winks at the psychiatrist.

‘Jim, I’m afraid I have to say, I find your behaviours rather, disturbing. And clearly irrational.’

‘Ha! That’s what they said to Jesus before they hung him on the cross! And Buddha. And David Koresh- But you tell me, why one of the only things that survived the Waco commune fire was a load of fucking bible pages, and one that said a man’s got a right to defend his home or sommat like that, completely intact from a blazing fire, fucking paper, man, beyond coincidence, dude- This is facts- Cold and hard- I saw it on Netflix!’

The psychiatrist scribbles in his notebook.

‘Jim, are you going to attempt to get in physical contact with your ex girlfriend?’

Jim laughs.

‘Nope- Don’t need to!’

‘What exactly do you mean by that?’

‘Because… She’ll come to me.’

‘Jim, your ex girlfriend is not interested in speaking to you.’

‘Nah, man- Not now- But you don’t know her like I do. She’s just pissed, that’s all, temporarily, 'cause she doesn’t know the ins and outs- She’s got the wrong end of the stick, got all discombobulated, but it just needs straightening out, that’s all- What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Same for relationships- We’ll come out stronger after this. I know it. I know we will.’

‘Jim, that’s simply not the case.’

‘Dude- I’ve been told so! I know it, in my blood and in my bones!’

‘Why are you mentioning blood, Jim?’

‘Urgh- Its an expression... Look, you couldn’t understand, 'cause you probably think like the rest of ‘em, the rest of the herd- In terms of weeks and months, but I think in terms of years and decades, man- Lifetimes- You cant argue wi' that! I have a vision- A long term vision!’

‘You’re having visions?’

‘No, you dick- I didn’t say that!’

‘I think you did, Jim.’

‘Don’t gaslight me, mate- I know what I said.’

The psychiatrist scribbles in his notebook.

‘Wait, why are you writing that down? Don’t write that down! What are you sayin', that I'm havin' visions? Don’t say that, man- That’s not the truth- That’s not what I said!!’

The psychiatrist scribbles in his notebook.

‘Wait, are you writing this as well? Are you writing that I’m kickin' off? 'Cause I’m only kickin' off 'cause you’re writing…. So stop writing.’

The psychiatrist scribbles in his notebook. Jim leans forward.

‘Stop writing and I’ll stop kickin' off. Dude… Stop writing and I’ll stop kickin' off!’

The psychiatrist scribbles in his notebook. Jim stands up, abruptly.

WHY ARENT YOU LISTENING TO ME, MAN?! STOP WRITING IN YOUR STUPID FUCKING BOOK YOU FUCKING PSUEDO TWAT! YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!! YOU DON’T KNOW US!! YOU DON’T KNOW, YOU COULDN’T POSSIBLY KNOW- NOBODY DOES!!!

The psychiatrist scribbles in his notebook.

Dude, stop it!!! Fucking stop it!!! STOP WRITING, YOU FUCKING BELL END- STOP!!!!!’

Jim leaps across the coffee table and grabs the psychiatrist’s notebook from his hand. The psychiatrist immediately jumps up from his chair and presses a red, emergency button by the door, as Jim throws the notebook on the floor and stamps on it, repeatedly. Within seconds, two huge security guards burst into the room, run to Jim and pin him down. Jim thrashes around, screaming illegibly, as he's restrained by the guards. Meanwhile, the psychiatrist takes a syringe from the top drawer of his desk, quickly approaches Jim, crouches down beside him and injects him in the arm. After a few seconds, Jim stops struggling and passes out. He’s then dragged out of the office by his feet, whilst still unconscious.

‘Thanks boys!’

‘No problem, Doctor. There’s always one!’

‘Yes, and its always at the end of the bloody day!’

The psychiatrist chuckles.

‘See you next week!’

The psychiatrist waves at Jim’s lifeless body, as it disappears through the exit and the door closes.

‘Fucking nut job.’

The psychiatrist moves to his desk and tosses the empty needle into the bin, as he plonks himself into his leather swivel chair. He then pulls a drug topped mirror out of his drawer and places it on his desk. He greedily snorts a fat, pre-prepared line of ketamine from the mirror, with a rolled up fifty pound note and tilts his head back.

‘Ah, the sweet elixir of life!’

The psychiatrist checks his nose in the mirror and rubs away all residual power from his nostril with a handkerchief, before he replaces the drug mirror and closes his drawer. He then pushes a button on his intercom.

‘Stacey- Send in my five O’Clock.’

‘Yes, Doctor.’