Cutting Loose

I peek around the corner of the living room. I’ve been sitting on the staircase for long enough now. It’s time to put a stop to this. All of this.

“Shut up! Both of you!” I scream as I fully enter the living room. Both my mum and dad turn their heads around, looking right into my eyes. I can see a big bruise across mum’s cheek. I sigh and take a step backwards.

“This right here, it has to stop. You guys have been screaming at each other for hours now.”

“That’s because your mother never listens to me,” I hear my dad say angrily before he takes a hit at her face. She falls to the floor due to the impact of my dad’s fist.

“Stop!” I scream from the top of my lungs as I sprint towards my mum. I help her up from the ground and look at my dad. He’s drunk. Again.

“And you… You think you’re so brave, don’t you? You think you’re such a tough girl, until I touch you and then the crocodile tears come. You’re a disgrace,” dad says as I feel his fist connect to my stomach. I wince in pain and try to steady myself by grabbing a hold of the couch. I don’t want him to see me in pain. he doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t deserve to win. So, if he thinks I’m going to let him, he’s wrong.

“I’m going to grab a beer. And you two better be out of my sight when I come back!” dad screams before disappearing into the kitchen. As soon as he’s out of sight, I turn towards my mum.

“Are you alright?” I ask her worried, looking up at her face.

“Yes, I’m fine,” is all she answers, wiping away some tears still stranded on her cheeks.

“Mum, this has gone too far. You can’t keep doing this. We can’t keep doing this.”

“What do you mean?” mum asks me, confusion written all over her face. Is she serious right now?

“He’s destroying us, mum. Why can’t you see that?”

“Because he’s my husband and I love him.”

“How can you love someone who hurts you every day? How can you love someone who hurts your child?” I ask her firmly.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers as she sits herself down on the couch. I take in a deep breath as I feel tears welling up in my eyes. I love my mum, but I’m so done with this.

“You don’t have to be sorry. You have to do something about it.”

“I can’t, sweetheart.”

“Of course you can, mum. You have the power to change this. You can decide whether or not this continues,” I tell her as I sit down next to her.

“This will blow over. It will be okay again tomorrow.”

“No, it won’t!” I say frustrated, jumping up on my feet. I have had it. I’m not doing it anymore. I just can’t.

“You know darn well that it’s just going to be the same tomorrow. It will happen again and again and again. He’ll go out, get drunk, and come back to use us as his punching bags. He’s messed-up, mum. He needs help, and so do we.” Her eyes meet mine and I can see how much pain she’s in.

“I can’t leave. I’m sorry,” she silently says but my anger and frustration just keeps building up inside of me.

“No, I’m sorry, mum. I’m not staying here a second longer,” I tell her before I run out of the leaving room, all the way upstairs to my bedroom.

I grab my backpack and open up my closet. I take some clothes out, stuff them into my bag before angrily slamming the doors of my closet shut again. I zip up my backpack and make my way to the front door. But as soon as I open it, I get stopped by a hand grabbing my arm.

“You can’t go,” I hear my mum say from behind me. I turn myself around but don’t make any eye contact. It’s hard enough as it is.

“I can. And I’m going to. I’m sorry, but if he’s more important to you than I am, I’m out. If you are going to defend a man who emotionally and physically abuses his wife and child, you can do it alone. I don’t want any part of it. I’m not staying here one more night.”

“Sweetheart, please…”

“No, mum. Don’t!” I scream as I yank my arm out of her grip. “You have no idea what he does to me when you’re not home.” A single tears escapes my eye and rolls down my cheek. I carefully wipe it away with my thumb before looking into her clear-blue eyes. She looks confused.

“He touches me. He says that I have to make up for what you can’t or just won’t give him. Mum, he raped me, several times and I know he’s not going to stop.”

“Oh my goodness,” I hear my mum blurt out, clearly shocked and disgusted. She puts a hand over her mouth like she’s going to throw up.

“So, if you want to stay with him, fine, go ahead. But you can’t make that choice for me, because this doesn’t only affect you. It affects me too. And…,” I start but I pause my sentence to take in some air. “I’m done with this. I’m done with him. I don’t want to have anything to do with him anymore. I never want to see or hear him again. There is nothing you can say to change my mind, mum. I’m sorry,” I tell her, a few more tears escaping my eyes.

“I… I… I understand,” my mum stutters, slowly nodding her head. “Where are you going to go?”

“I don’t know yet, but I’ll be okay, I always will be. You taught me that,” I say, looking down at the ground. “But, I’ll miss you,” I add before I wrap my arms around my mum’s fragile body. She embraces me like she used to do when I was little, like she used to do when she wanted me to feel safe.

“I'll miss you too, sweetheart,” I softly hear her whisper into my ear. After a few seconds, I slowly get out of her arms and back away from her. I swing my backpack back over my shoulder before taking one last look at my mother.

I sigh, wipe away my tears and turn myself around to walk away, forever. I can hear my mum sobbing on the front porch but I know I can’t look back anymore. I’ve made my decision. It’s time to cut loose.