School Refusal

“Ellie, come out from under there.”

“No, I’m fine right here.”

“Come on Ellie, it’s getting late.”

“I’m staying here.”

“In a pillow fort?”

“Yep.”

“All night?”

“Yep.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little… I don’t know… immature?”

“Nope.”

“Come on Ellie, your bed is much more comfortable.”

“I’m perfectly fine here, thank you very much.”

“How about I get you a nice tub of Ben and Jerry’s and you crawl up here next to me and we will talk about it? Come on. I’ve got Chunky Monkey.”

“Good try, but I think I’ll pass.”

“Pass on Ben and Jerry’s? It’s Chunky Monkey! Your favourite!”

“I’m good. I’m staying right here.”

“Ellie, I’m serious. You can’t stay there all night.”

“Yes, I can.”

“No, it’s not right. Come on now, out you get.”

“Uh-uh! You can’t make me.”

“I’m not leaving you here all night. Come on, enough is enough, already.”

“I’m perfectly fine here, so you can just go to bed without me.”

“Look, this is silly. I’m not going to just leave you like this. Talk to me. Come on, sweetheart.”

“No, thank you.”

“Is it about school tomorrow?”

“Maybe.”

“Are you worried?”

“Maybe.”

“Talk to me, what is worrying you?”

“I’m scared that the kids won’t like me?”

“Sweetheart, they will love you.”

“No, they won’t, they’re mean.”

“Mean?”

“Yeah, they make people cry. And then they laugh and think it’s funny.”

“Look, kids can be mean, I get that, but you have to stand up for yourself. You have to be confident.”

“They will laugh at me, and I will cry.”

“Listen to me honey, you have to take deep breaths and remember that you are every bit as good as everyone else there. Be confident, smile. Kids like it when you smile.”

“But they will say nasty things. I can’t keep smiling when they say mean things about me.”

“Why would they say mean things about you?”

“Because they’re kids. That’s what they do.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do!”

“Ok, some kids are mean, but not all kids. There will be nice kids, I’m sure of it.”

“How do you know? Have you met them?”

“Well, no. Not the kids in your class tomorrow, but it’s like anywhere. There are good people and bad people everywhere. You just have to look for the good ones. Do you remember what I told you once before? When you see the bad things happen on the news, like the Twin Towers falling, or countries being devastated by war.”

“Ah-ha.”

“What is it that I say? Do you remember?”

“Um, that there are bad things happening, but look for the helpers.”

“That’s right, look for the helpers. There are bad things everywhere and you don’t have to look too hard to see them. They’re big and scary and horrible and people get hurt.”

“I don’t want to get hurt.”

“You won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Honey, you need to look beyond the scary situations and see that there are good people, too. They might not be so obvious, but they’re there. Quietly getting on with the job, caring for others, doing good and helping out. Just because the bad is so big, and loud and nasty, doesn’t mean that there is no goodness. It will be like that tomorrow, I promise. There will be the bad kids, the scary kids, the loud kids. But you have to look beyond them. There will be the good kids too. They might be quieter, they might not be so obvious, but if you look for them, they will be there.”

“But what do I do if they’re all scary? They will all look at me like I have two heads.”

“You’re over dramatising the situation. They will be curious, I’m sure. I mean, you’re new. They’ve never met you before. They will all want to get to know you.”

“What if they don’t like me though?”

“What’s not to like? You’re smart, funny, pretty and tell great jokes.”

“You never laugh at my jokes.”

“Well, I’ve heard them all before, but the kids tomorrow will not have heard them. Tell a joke, make them smile.”

“But then they will laugh at me!”

“No, they will be laughing with you, there’s a difference.”

“But what if they don’t laugh? What if they think it’s a lame joke?”

“Then tell another one. Kids like lame jokes.”

“I can’t do it. I’m not going!”

“Ellie, I am going to take this fort apart one pillow at a time.”

“No! This is my fort. Leave it alone!”

“That’s it! I’ve had enough. It’s tough love time. Look at me, Ellie.”

“No!”

“I’m not asking, I’m telling you. Turn your head and look at me.”

“You’re so mean.”

“Listen closely. I love you. I love you more than anything in the world. You are my everything, the best part of me. I think you are wonderful, strong, capable and clever. I am so proud of everything that you have accomplished. You know all this, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“You also know that you are being silly right now. You have to go to school tomorrow. You don’t have any choice.”

“There’s always a choice and I choose not to go. I don’t want to do it. The kids will be mean and I just can’t deal with it. I’m not going.”

“Those kids are not going to be mean to you. I won’t let them.”

“You won’t be able to stop them. You won’t be there.”

“There will be others there to help. I told you. Look for the helpers.”

“What if I can’t see any?”

“Then find them.”

“I’m scared. I can’t keep starting again. Every year starting from scratch. Learning new kids, trying to fit in. It’s too hard, and I don’t want to do it!”

“You’re good at fitting in. You will get to know the kids very quickly. Just focus on one or two new faces each day, and by the end of the week, you will know them all!”

“It’s still too hard. I’m not going to go.”

“You have to go, those kids need you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re their class teacher!”