Firs and Garlands

-Hi?

-“Firs and Garlands” customer support, good afternoon ma’am, Sundeep speaking. How can I help you?

-Oh hi! Finally I reached you. Listen, I ordered a Christmas tree for delivery but it hasn’t arrived yet. 

-When you were expecting it?

-It was supposed to arrive two days ago, on the 5th, and today is already the 7th!

-Okay, let me take a look. What kind of order was that? 

-It was a Nordman Fir, aromatic.

-I mean was it premium service or budget?

-I guess it was premium, we wanted to have no headache, me and my boyfriend, he was ordering it to my address. Well, my ex-boyfriend.  

-Can you tell me the order number please?

-It’s XMAS0782.

-Okay, one second please. I cannot see it in the system now, please bear with me ma’am.

-Sure.

-Are you still here ma’am?

-I am, yeah.

-I cannot see it in the system ma’am, can you double check who was supposed to deliver it? What’s the name of the driver?

-It’s Mike G.

-Okay, let me see. It says it was delivered.

-I am sorry but I am pretty sure it wasn’t.

-Well, the system says it was delivered to the customer. Are you sure you didn’t receive it?

-I am more than sure. I was working from home that day and there was no one called Mike G or Mike P or Mike whatever.  

-I am sorry, the system says the customer received it.

-Please can you double check?

-Sure, bear with me one second ma’am.

-Allright.

-Hello? Are you still here ma’am?

-Yeahhh.

-Oh no, please don’t cry!

-I am sorry, I cannot hold it, it is just a bit tough at the moment.

-What happened ma’am?

-Ah, my boyfriend dumped me yesterday. We were planning to celebrate Christmas together. It was supposed to be our first Christmas, me and him. Oh it’s so tough! He did it on the “dump day”, I kinda knew deep inside it was coming! Ah cunt. I loved him so much!

-What does it mean, the “dump day”?

-That means if you want to break up with someone before Christmas, you should do it no later than December 6th. After that it’s not socially acceptable.

-Oh! I didn’t know there were deadlines for such things.

-Yeahhh, apparently! My friends were telling me about it and I didn’t want to believe it! I thought it’s a stupid thing for stupid Gen Zs. And now I am one of those stupid miserable girlfriends who left alone for the holidays!

-I am so sorry about it ma’am.

-Thank you, you’re very kind. But that’s why I really need my Christmas tree! I need some sense of normality. Otherwise I don’t know how I can survive. This really is a tough moment for me.

-Alright ma’am, I need to check in another system, we just have another system for premium orders. Can you wait on the line please?

-Sure, I have nothing else to do. My life is meaningless now.

-Please don’t be so negative ma’am. You know, when one door closes, another opens. My mother used to say it all the time. Just please please don’t cry. You are a very nice person.

-I cannot, this is so bad! How am I going to tell my parents?!

-Oh they’ll be the first to support you! Parents are our guardians and protectors.

-I am not sure. Mine say all the time that it’s me who is wrong.

-Okay ma’am while the system is loading, I would like to walk you through additional services that we can offer. We can offer you a Christmas tree removal, just for 45 pounds, and since you're an existing customer I am happy to offer you a 15% discount. Also, we can recycle or replant your tree for just 15 pounds, so you do good to the environment. Are you interested in any of those?

-Do I have to tell now? I just want to have my tree first. It's a nice offer though. Very generous.  

-No problem ma’am. We can get back to that later.

-If there is “later”.

-I have no doubts. Oh you won’t believe what I just saw in the system! It says Mike G is on his way to your home and he’ll bring the tree!

-Wow, that’s great news! Thank you so much. I’ll just wait for him at home then?

-Yes ma’am.

-You’re so nice, thank you, you saved my life. Deepak, right? 

-Sundeep.

-Oh yeah, Sundeep. What’s your plan for Christmas anyways? Lovely get together with the entire family?

-Oh, we don't have Christmas here.

-How come? I don’t believe you!

-Ma’am I am in Chennai, we don’t celebrate Christmas here. We are hindu people.

-Right right. But still, you’re going to put the tree at least?

-Ma’am, to be honest with you, I have never seen a fir tree in my life.

-Really? Oh that’s really bad. 

-It’s fine.

-What is the temperature there where you are?

-It was 29 degrees today, very hot and humid. We have a lot of rains this time of the year.

-This is fascinating!

-I am glad you’re not crying anymore.

-Me too. But it’s still hard.

-You seem a very nice person. If I were in London, I’d ask you out. 

-Oh, thank you, this is sweet.

-No problem ma’am. Hope you enjoy your tree and the holiday. So no additional services? 

-Nope, not for now.

-Would you like to register in our loyalty system? I can send you the link. Just enter your email and date of birth, we make some very nice party decorations.

-Maybe for my funeral. I’ll consider it, thanks.

-Oh no, you’re sad again.

-I am not. Just thinking of how to get along with my life. Will probably just grab a bottle of wine and get wasted. 

-Not sure if that’s the best. Well, just don’t drink alone ma’am. Go to see your friends, okay?

-Okay, sure. Oh someone is ringing!

-This must be Mike.

-Okay I gotta go! Thank you.

-Please don’t forget to leave your review at the “Firs and Garlands” website!