Frozen to Nothing

January 1, 1034 S.R.

The frost is cold this winter. The ink in my pen has frozen, so I'm stuck using a pencil I got from Michael. The caravan is slowly but surely pushing on towards the sea. Eventually, we’ll see these desolate plains no more. I’ve heard that in the new world, it's warm all year long. The children drew pictures of the houses they wanted to build in their new home. The parents hung them up and now all of the carts are plastered with art.

All day, Michael has been blubbering about the new world. He showed me a crudely drawn picture of a mansion and asked if we could build it when we got there. I laughed and said, “Sure.”

January 3, 1034 S.R.

The caravan’s pace has slowed and the snow layers are thick, but that worries us not. Soon, we will be in green fields basking in the sun and our trudge will be a distant, foggy memory.

I will give my son the life I’ve always wanted for him. At this new home, he will never be hungry again. He will never again be restricted by the cruel circumstances he was born into.

The journey feels like a long celebration. Everyone’s laughing and dreaming. All of the families have stayed close and are constantly jumping from cart to cart to engage with their neighbors.

The children’s drawings got wet and started to peel off the carts. We helped them make more and soon the carts were well-decorated again. I even drew my own little picture of me and Michael in front of a barn. I put it right next to his art on the wagon. In the future, Michael may become a famed artist.

January 5, 1034 S.R.

Michael and some of the other children have grown sick. Even in illness, the children bear great smiles. They’ve kept drawing pictures but we haven’t gotten to putting them up yet. We put them in a pile and have been looking through them all day; we can’t help but smile.

Their sickness should pass by the time we reach the coast. We should be there in three days or so.

January 7, 1034 S.R.

The children’s conditions have worsened. I fear we may lose some on the journey. I just pray Michael will be safe. The snow has stopped falling but the chill is relentless. The Meyers have gotten the party to pray together to keep our spirits up. I've been praying on my own too.

Michael has been visiting the Meyer’s cart frequently and is gone for hours. Though I don’t approve of him being gone for so long, I’m letting him have his fun. He’s grown fond of their youngest daughter, Mercy. He keeps coming back to the cart and rambling on about her. He even drew a picture of them together and I hung it next to the others.

We think we’ll be at the harbor tomorrow or tomorrow night.

January 9, 1034 S.R.

Mercy Meyers is dead. We hoped we could get her help at the harbor but the harbor never came. This must be the only one. The other children aren’t any near recovery but I pray to god they’ll be okay.

Michael’s distraught. The Meyer’s have been comforting him. I think he’d rather open up to them about his grief rather than me since he won’t talk to me about it at all. It makes me a little sad.

I hope things will get better.

January 14, 1034 S.R.

The children’s drawings have been ripped off the carts and used as fuel for warmth. Michael must’ve removed our drawings before we could burn them because I couldn’t find them. For days, Michael hasn’t spoken to me. It’s almost as if the Meyers have adopted him. I feel lonely. I drew him a couple of pictures but he just shrugged them off. It hurt a lot.

Food’s starting to become a little scarce. The bread’s molded but the hard tack is still good. We have enough to last us a week but let’s hope it won’t have to.

January 15, 1034 S.R.

I woke up this morning and I couldn’t find Michael. I rushed out of my wagon and searched all of the carts for him. I found him eating with the Meyers. I erupted at them and told them that just because they lost their kid, they couldn’t have mine.

When I brought him back to the wagon, Michael cursed at me and I hit him. It hurt a lot. I want to go home.

January 16. 1034 S.R.

Michael was gone again this morning but I wasn’t panicked. I went to check the Meyer wagon but they had locked the doors and wouldn’t let me in. I don’t know what to think anymore.

We’ve lost most of the elderly and the children; the cold proved stronger than them. We tried holding onto the corpses to bury them, but the weight was too much so we left them in the snow.

January 17, 1034 S.R.

Entire families are dropping like flies. Wagons are stopping in their tracks and are left behind. No one bothers to check on them.

I miss Michael. I miss my boy. I wish I didn’t hit him. I drew a picture for him and wrote, “I’m sorry,” on the bottom. I went to bring it to him but the Meyer’s wouldn’t open up. I even banged on the door and hollered. My tears froze. I want my son back.

January 18, 1034 S.R.

It turns out we’ve gotten turned around; I don’t know when. We heard a crunch under the wagons that was unlike the snow. We dug in the snow and found the corpse of Mercy Meyer. The wheel crushed her skull and left a purple cave on her forehead. Other than that, she seemed almost alive except she was ghostly pale.

We decided to keep riding in the direction we were going in. If we keep going straight in any direction, we have to find civilization.

Seeing the Meyer girl made me sick. That very well could’ve happened to Michael. I managed to break into the Meyers cart but there was no one in there, not even Michael. I don’t know where they went or how long they’ve been gone but I don’t care about them. I want to know where my son is.

January 19, 1034 S.R.

We’ve been encountering more corpses. Some of them have been gone from miles ago. I’ve avoided looking at the faces so I wouldn’t know who they were.

January 20, 1034 S.R.

I found a piece of paper sticking out of the snow. It was the drawing of the mansion Michael wanted to live in. Then I found Michael. His head poked out of the snow. He looked as beautiful as the day he was born. I would’ve cried but I had nothing left. I dug out of the snow and gave him my apology drawing. I let the caravan go on without me. They were doomed anyway. I’m just lying with my boy now.