Chocolate is for funerals

I sniffle as the wind dries my tears. Sitting on this cold balcony twenty feet high was not where I was meant to be. Not today, of all days.

I turn to look at my handcuffed wrist. How could he just leave me? How could he possibly be okay? It makes no sense. To me, at least.

He knew today was our special day. That's why I thought he flew me out here. Why I was dumb enough to trust him.

I never saw this coming, honestly. He was always there for me, he was always protective of me, and kind. But most of all, he was always... mine.

I'm not a crier. He was always the more sensitive one, crying during movies. Especially the Disney ones. We would watch one the first Saturday of every month, eating tacos in place of popcorn.

We have done our weekly ritual since we were twelve, back when he had braces. It sort of became tradition to substitute the popcorn.

The thought makes me laugh a little. He always hated his braces. He felt like everyone looked at him in disgust, even though half our grade was stuck in the same predicament.

I was the lucky one I suppose. Never had braces, or acne. He suffered both. Didn't get his first girlfriend until junior year. Rian Treilley. Drop dead gorgeous. She never showed it though. Apparently she only dressed nice outside of school. One of those "too good for the social hierarchies of high school" types. I always thought we were cool, but after the breakup he broke it to me.

Turns out she was crazy, tried to cut my breaks or something. He didn't go into much detail, but i figured that's why they broke up.

Always looking out for me, that one. Well, he used to at least.

I frown at the city down below. Everyone was too busy to notice me up here, handcuffed to the balcony. Figures. Too high up to get help and stop him. It's too late now anyway. I've been here for an hour so he must be long gone.

I still can't fully comprehend what possessed him to leave me like this, taking my whole life with him. He took my girlfriend, who I was sure was fully gay, but obviously I missed a lot of things.

He stole my job, which I guess is my fault. It was my idea to work together, though in my defense I hadn't the slightest Idea he hated me.

He took my dog, gave my favorite dress to my ex. The list simply goes on and on. But why he had to do this today of all days I will never understand.

Brothers are supposed to be mean to their sisters, but up until now, he's never done anything to purposefully hurt me. Not in our entire lives.

But... maybe that's why. Maybe he felt he owed me this in response to him being the perfect brother.

Of course the only thing wrong with that theory is that it's ludicrous. I've sat here considering many reasons why, but that has to be the dumbest one I've come up with.

Our parents died when we were young, or so we were told. I have personally never seen any record of this so I am reluctant to believe that story.

He's always taken care of me. So why did he stop?

I mean, he got me that job so we could work together. My dog was a gift he gave me on Christmas sophomore year. He was the one who set me up on that date with my girlfriend who he stole.

It's almost like he set up my life just to take it away. It's like he wants me to be alone.

My two best friends died three months ago in a bus accident. The social workers, disapproved my adoption application. My girlfriend dumped me... I mean, his timing literally could not be worse.

I haven't cried in so long. Not when my friends died, or when the adoption didn't work out. Not when I found out my ex- who broke up with me not even two weeks ago- left me. Three years down the drain.

She was the one who actually put the cuffs on me. She was the one who left me here an hour ago. All he did was stare at me with tears in his eyes. She told me this was what he wanted.

It didn't sound like him, but then again none of this does.

He let me get away with so much as a kid. On our thirteenth birthday I had accidentally blown out both of our candles and he smiled saying, he was gonna give me his wish anyway. I knew he was lying but I let it ring true to block out the guilt.

Guilt is a funny thing you know. It's why we lie to ourselves, to others. It's why I'm on this balcony, unable to leave, unable to stop him.

I squeeze the phone in my hand contemplating whether to throw it or not. All I'm really doing is waiting for that call. The call I know is gonna come, with words I don't want to hear. And yet, I wait.

For what I don't know. There will be no relief. It's what I wish for though. Too bad he left before we could blow out any candles.

He did give me a cupcake. Chocolate. I hate chocolate. We always swore never to have it for our birthday.

Chocolate is for funerals.

I only got to see him for about five minutes. He looked at me and said, "I'm gonna miss you."

Then, before I could respond a bag was thrown over my head. A bit dramatic, but I suppose I wouldn't have left voluntarily. Not If I knew what he was going to do.

I didn't really know until he took me inside our childhood apartment and there was nothing in there but a single chocolate cupcake.

I turned to him with tears in my eyes, ignoring my ex handcuffing one of my wrists. "Where's yours?"

He looked down in guilt. "I don't need one. I'm going by myself."

It was then that I put up a fight. He couldn't leave without me. He couldn't leave me alone, not like this.

My ex dragged me to the far side of the room. The balcony.

I looked back to see him crying. What did he have to be sad about? He chose this!

We were twins, you don't leave your twin. Never, ever. Numero uno, most important rule!

... And yet somethings had proven to be more important than me.

My phone starts buzzing in my hand. I don't recognise the number, but I know who it is.

I wait a second before I answer.

"Hello?" I sniff.

" Michelle Seiler?"

"Yes," I mumble.

"Your brother, he's..."

"I know," I whisper, Then hang up.

I look over at my cupcake. I pick it up, slowly unwrapping. I take a bite and a bitter taste meets my tongue.

I smile. He didn't leave me after all.