Twin Resolutions

Twin Resolutions

     “Rain, I’ll tell you about rain, I remember when I used to drive a cab and it would start raining in Chicago.  Driving down Wabash Avenue, I might as well stick the windshield wiper in my ass!”

    Brad Upton had the usual self-satisfying look under his grey peppered mustache that his twin granddaughters had seen many times along with the antics that went along with his stories. His charm came from his gruff voice like an old Sea Captain. His little tales were cute and they were always accompanied by physical acting to make his point with a sprinkle or a closing of profanity just to be sure proper attention had been paid to his historic wit.

   His favorite little girls were both 12 years old and it was impossible to say which of them was cuter. Although not identical, the dimples that brought accent to their warm smiles and the wave in both of their rose golden hair locks left only the distinction carried by bright blue eyes blazing in contrast to silver-grey sparkling eyes.

    Laurie spoke first, “grandpa, remember when you made a new year’s resolution last year to stop cursing?”

   Grandpa pursed his lips and blinked his eyes as he searched for an excuse. His rough voice returned, “what I can’t talk about the damn rain?”  Brandy answered, “no grandpa, what we mean is that you said that especially for Laurie and for me you would stop swearing when you tell your stories.”

    Brad rubbed the stubble on his chin, “oh yeah, that didn’t work did it?”

   “For about 1 day,” Laurie answered with a smile that would melt the heart of a warrior. 

    Brad Upton was just that at the age of 76, a world war II warrior, a veteran that had no gripes but many battle scars. Grandpa looked first at the ground to admit failure then lifted his head to the girls, “well, it’s a new year now, so why don’t we try again.”  The five-foot three-inch gentle and caring man looked up at his little treasures, showing a look of apology, but they both chuckled and Brandy shook her head saying, “Ok, grandpa.”  Brad held out his arms for a big double hug from his beautiful little dolls.

    Jack Upton opened the back door to bring in a load of groceries and started filling the cabinets and the fridge. 

    His dad walked into the room asking, “Hey, Jack, crowded out there today at the grocer?” “Pretty much dad, where are the girls?” The room erupted as the girls ran into the room and rumbled across into Jack’s arms, “daddy, they shouted in unison.”

    Laurie spoke up, “grandpa is making another new year’s resolution to stop swearing when he tells his stories.”  “I see,” Jack answered with a look of profound disbelief.    “Grandpa, you going to do that for the girls?” “For sure” he answered as he looked for and grabbed a beer from the groceries. “Games on, you want to see some good football.” “I’ll be right in dad.”

  Jack finished unloading the groceries and as the girls helped him put them away, “dollies, mom will be back from Aunt Lucy’s tomorrow, so we have to be sure rooms are cleaned and I’ll make sure to get all the laundry done. 

     A voice came from the living room, “laundry, I’ll tell you about laundry.” Jack looked down at his girls and rolled his eyes as if to announce, ‘here comes a story.’

   Grandpa walked back into the kitchen and set down his beer so that he could include physical actions to accompany his story. He started, “I would take all the clothes and dip them in the soap tank,” he put his hands in fists six inches apart and dipped them down into an invisible tank. “Then I put each piece through the roller,” he made a gesture of putting a piece of clothing in a pretend roller with his left hand and turned his right hand to show the motion of turning the crank for the rollers. Of course, he was stooping down for these actions to show you that all of this happened at ground level. “Then I hang each piece on the line,” he said as he stooped to grab a piece and then simulated clipping them on the line, one piece at a time which he repeated three times.

   The girls were watching him, listening and waiting because they knew that the conclusion was near.  Grandpa put his hands together and from a downward leaning position he swung them up across the make-believe line full of clothes. At this point he was getting excited because he had to put the exclamation point on his story. “and then I take the Goddam hose,”

   “Grandpa,” Laurie shouted. The senior Upton put his hand over his mouth, “oh, that’s right, and then I take the darn hose.”  He looked up at his son Jack, “it just doesn’t sound right.” “It’s your resolution,” his son answered.

    Jack turned to his daughters, “girls, give Grandpa another chance or two, someday I’ll tell you about people who have lost their filter.”

    Both of the girls knew exactly what their dad was talking about and they enjoyed the story anyway as they went to start cleaning up their rooms in preparation for their mother’s return tomorrow.

   Grandpa and Jack went into the living room and turned on the football game. Jack had made a decision of his own. He had picked up some beer for his dad but he had become resolute about not drinking today. He had done some reading about people that had lost control of their drinking and could never have just one or two.  For him it was kind of a test, ‘can I stop drinking when I want to and just drink something else.’    

    He made sure to include cream soda on his shopping list so he could enjoy his favorite soft drink with the football game. He also decided to keep his decision to himself. It was nobody’s business but his own and he knew what grandpa would have to say about it.

   It was half-time on the football game and Jack went into the kitchen to get his third cream soda and asked his dad if he needed a beer. “Yeah, grab me one, will you?” Jack came back with his cream soda and handed his dad a beer.  Grandpa looked up and at the same time looked to the door to be sure there were no listeners nearby, “you going to have another can of that shit?”

   I like cream soda dad if you don’t mind. “Ummmph,” and a gulp of beer was the only response he got. When the game came to a commercial, grandpa got up to throw his empty away. There was a lady announcer talking about the game and some football statistics. Grandpa stopped, “what the hell is with the girl announcers, why doesn’t she put on some shoulder pads and get out on the field and take a few hits, for Christ sake.”  Now he stopped and Jack knew that a story was coming.

    Grandpa started, “Girls, I’ll tell you about girls,” ‘Oh boy, here we go’ as grandpa set his empty can on the counter, “I had this one girl,” then he brought his cupped hands up about 10 inches from his chest shaking his hands as he said, “built like a shit brick house,” then he pumped his fists at his side, “fuck like a mink.”

    The girls had crept up to their bedroom door and tried hard not to snicker so loud that dad or grandpa could hear them. The slid on the rug back to their beds smiling, “grandpa won’t make his resolution Laurie.”

     Brandy traded a grin with her sister, “I think your right, it’s just the way he is.” When Dad came to tuck them in with a goodnight kiss, they both still had a grin on their innocent little faces. “Are you girls telling jokes in here or were you listening to grandpa?”  Brandy smiled up to her dad, “you know dad.”  Jack tucked them both in with a kiss and went back out to Grandpa.

   Jack Upton grabbed a sizeable blue book from his room and sat with grandpa to watch the second half.  Grandpa looked over at the book and his curiosity which stood him up from the chair and he walked over to read the cover.  “Alcoholics Anonymous” he bellowed as he plopped himself back in his chair. He scratched his forehead, “alcoholics, I’ll tell you about a couple of alcoholics.” He sat forward in his chair to tell the story. Jack sat his book down to listen somewhat relieved that there would be no standing gymnastics to go with the story. 

    Grandpa began, “we were in the South Pacific on the Submarine Chaser and we had been out of beer for two weeks, every one of us would trade our nut sack for a bottle of suds.”  Jack put his finger to his mouth to signal Grandpa to turn down the volume. “Anyway, we hooked up with a cruiser that had just left port with supplies and they came to stock us up.  They had 12 cases of beer that was not a part of the supply list.” Now Grandpa’s mouth was tightly pursed and then his lips split into a slight grin, “so we traded everything that wasn’t nailed down to get that beer, we cleaned out our lockers, hell, we’d trade our…...” “I got it,” Jack said as he motioned his arms toward the floor with palms down to adjust the excitement level.

    Grandpa lowered his voice and continued, “so we were able to trade for 8 cases of beer and we locked it up in the hold so we could ration it.” Now Grandpa paused to set the tension level and get a sign to continue. Jack said, “Ok, so.”  “So, that night three stupid bastards break into the hold and drink every drop of that beer.”  Jack knew he would be sure to tell him. “We wake up and those assholes are lying on the ship deck filled with bear, bellowing, and fartin like a dog shittin pizza.” Now Jack was laughing, which took grandpa to his next comments.  “We kicked and punched those buzzards until they were spewing beer and blood out of every blowhole in their body like three beached whales. If somebody gave us two-cents we’d throw all three overboard.”  

   Jack put the AA book back in his room and came back to his seat. He had forgotten there would be no time to read if the Brad Upton show started and it was in full swing.  The other thing he knew was the stories would always include body parts and numerous bodily functions. It was how this man was wired, but he loved him so much he gave his precious father a pass as long as the girls were asleep. “If you tell any stories tomorrow, you make them clean, especially in front of the girls. Remember your new year’s resolution.”

  Grandpa slept on the thickly padded lazy boy chair and Jack let him sleep instead of waking him up for another story. Jack read himself to sleep sipping cream soda and taking in suggestions and the twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous with genuine curiosity.

   In the morning the girls were dressed up like it was a church day, but never with matching clothing. Everybody always asked if the girls were twins and both Jack and his wife Sharon always wanted to give a wisecrack answer to a stupid question. Of course, they’re twins, what does it look like. Grandpa did cross the line one time when they were at a department store, he said, “Twins, hell no, they never met before.”  Jack apologized for his dad and told the people about the twins, while Grandpa turned away shaking his head, “for crying out loud.”

    As mom pulled up Laurie looked up at her father, “do you think mom is going to have one of those big headaches and have to lay in bed all day.”  Jack said, “Laurie, I’m sure your mom is fine.”  Aunt Lucy was bracing Sharon against her as they walked up the driveway. Brandy grabbed her dad’s hand, “do you think mom’s been drinking again.”  Jack just brushed her daughter’s hair as they came to the door. 

   Lucy stuck her head in first, “Jack, give me a hand with Sharon, she sprained her ankle.”  Jack held onto his wife’s other arm as they both eased her into the front room, Jack expected a smell of alcohol that was not at all present. Sharon looked to Jack as he helped her sit in the living room chair and the girls smothered her immediately. 

   Jack’s look was painted with an accusation that he couldn’t erase as his wife spoke: “I tripped on Lucy’s back porch step just yesterday.” She looked up at Jack with a clear-eyed smile of contentment he hadn’t seen in a long time.  Lucy had a parcel of papers and grabbed Jack’s arm to coax him into the kitchen.  As they left the living room the girls brought Christmas gifts in to show their mom what they got from Santa Clause and to talk about the wonderful Christmas holidays and how much they missed her.

    Lucy showed Jack a schedule of AA meetings near the house, “she has been to thirty meetings in thirty days and she has a sponsor that lives in the area. What they talk about is between them and don’t poke your nose in and if you can limit drinking in the house for a little bit that would be ok, but eventually she will move beyond temptation if she works for in and if it is god’s will. 

    Jack looked thankfully at his sister Lucy. Thank you for guiding her set up in the treatment program. I have been reading all about AA and I am going to go to Al-anon meetings and find out the best ways to help her.

   Grandpa had been lurking and he understood what was happening. He came into the kitchen and said, “I’ll try to help too, I know what’s going on and you let me know how what I can do Jack.”

   “Thanks, Dad, let’s go out and join the girls.”  Jack and Lucy started into the living room.  Grandpa got a dish out of the cabinet and went to the refrigerator to get some snacks. He filled the dish with mini-sized dill pickles. Jack could feel the warmth of a new start in the living room that was fueled by laughter and a feeling of delight from the twins.

   Grandpa came out to the living room balancing the dish of pickles in one hand and a small bunch of toothpicks in the other.  The room went silent as he walked in carefully and then turned with a mask of reserve covering his face, “What?” “Who wants a pecker?”

Charles Matthew Burgess    2517 Words