Contest #151 winner 🏆

160 comments

Crime Fiction Mystery

This story contains themes or mentions of physical violence, gore, or abuse.

The summer I turned sixteen and got my license, Kyle Lewis was pulled dead from the lake. It was the week before Christmas and heat pressed down over the town. People went to the lake to cool off, but Kyle didn’t drown. There was no water in his lungs.


Coming back now, ten years passed, like always when I returned to visit my parents, I found myself slowing down when I reached the lake. The turn off was on the long road which led to their house and then on into town, and I felt myself pulled toward it, as if a magnet lay in the deep centre of it, drawing me. I stopped and got out the car and stood there on the side of the road, looking out toward the water, the shimmer of sun on the still surface.


The memories rushed back at me. The evenings my father and I spent out in the garage working on the car he’d bought for us to do up together. My sister sobbing at our table and my mother comforting her while my father stood silent. The long days of summer and the police and the rumours people whispered to one another. The swagger of the Ryan brothers around town.


And the last day of Kyle’s life, recounted to police by those who’d seen him. That day he’d slept until eleven. He and my sister Taylor had been up late drinking the night before, and when they woke the empty bottles and glasses were still on the bench, the smell of booze hung in the air of their little house.


They lived on the same long road as my parents did, but further into town. I passed their house each day when I biked home from school, dreaming of the day my car would finally be ready for me.


Kyle was hungover and he sat on the couch and rolled a cigarette while Taylor made them coffee. She asked him if he wanted anything to eat and he said no, he wasn’t hungry. He was quiet and she knew he was worried. He was worried because he owed Dean Ryan and his brother Pete money, and they were getting impatient.


When told this, the police wanted to know what he owed them for. Taylor said he bought some car parts off Pete Ryan and hadn’t paid him yet, but eventually she told them the truth. By then he’d been found and lay cold in the morgue, and she wasn’t worried anymore about what might happen to him. It already had.


Kyle drank his coffee and smoked two cigarettes one after the other, then he showered and pulled on the jeans and navy tee shirt he would die in.


He told her he was going to visit a friend and drove out the way he always did, tires squealing, sending up a cloud of dust which hung in the still air. At the Mobil on the corner, he pulled in to buy more cigarettes and an energy drink. While he was stood there at the counter, Pete Ryan walked in and came up behind him. 


“I’m coming to collect today,” Pete said.


That was what the cashier heard him say, and she didn’t know what it meant. She said Kyle didn’t reply, or if he did, she didn’t hear it. Or maybe she knew more, just like we all knew more, and didn’t want to get on the wrong side of the Ryan brothers.


My dad had gone to high school with them both, in the same year as Dean who was the oldest, and he said even back then they were raising hell all over town, making a name for themselves.


After Kyle left the Mobil, he came to ask my father for money. When he pulled in Dad and I were out in the garage, tightening the brakes in the car. We’d spent the last six months working on it. Just like he’d promised it would be, now that I could drive it was almost ready.


Kyle got out and my dad looked at him, something cold coming over his expression. He stood silent and waited.


“Can we talk?” Kyle asked him.


They headed inside to the kitchen. A minute later I followed and sidled up to the door, stood silent, hardly breathing. Dad was standing against the bench with his arms folded, Kyle in front of him with desperation sliding off him.


“Please, I wouldn’t ask you if I had anyone else to go to. I swear to God, I’ll pay you back. I just owe Pete for this car I bought off him...”


My father cut him off with a hard laugh. “That piece of shit you're driving’s not worth five hundred dollars let alone five thousand. You come here begging me for money at least have the guts not to lie about why.”


A liar was one of the things my father despised most. Almost as much as he did a man who would hit a woman. My sister’s boyfriend was both those things.


“Alright, but it’s not what it sounds like,” Kyle said, his tone thin and pleading. A way I’d never heard him speak to my sister. For her he’d never crawled. “I sold some pot for them, and I owe them money from it. It was only a one-time thing, I just got to get square with them.”


It was a version of the story I’d heard, which was that he’d been selling a long time for them. And he’d only skimmed a small amount, but they’d added interest.


Dad stood up straight from the bench, and even though he was the same size as Kyle he seemed to loom over him.


“You want me to fix your mess now? What sort of man are you?”


It was a question both asked and answered in his scathing tone. A liar. A coward. The worst kind. I knew exactly what sort of man my father was, what he expected me to be. A man who was strong, who didn’t cry or complain, who took care of his family.


Then my dad spoke again. “I know what kind of trouble you’re in. I’ll pay the Ryan brothers off for you, and you leave town, leave my daughter. That’s the deal.”


Kyle made an odd noise, helpless and angry sounding. “You can’t just tell me to leave town.”


The words weren’t all the way out and my father had him around the collar, slammed him back against the wall.


 “You think I give a shit if Dean Ryan finishes you off? You’re in my house now, and if I ever see so much as a scratch on my daughter again, I’ll break both your arms.”


Then he stepped back, folded his arms again, as if the moment had never happened. Everything felt still. The only sound was a fly buzzing against the window, loud and frantic.


Kyle stayed slumped against the wall a second, eyeing my father, indecision in his clenching and loosening fists. Then without another word he turned and left. Saw me there in the hallway and his eyes met mine, knowing I’d witnessed it, his moment of humiliation. 


He pushed past me roughly, shoving his shoulder into me. I felt a shiver of apprehension then. Not for myself, but my sister. My father had wounded him, and she would bleed for it. 


He left our house and went back to his. Driving fast up the long road which ran between us. He was tense when he got back, pacing and smoking in the kitchen. He and Taylor argued, she told the police.


They argued because he asked if she would leave town with him, and she said no. She didn’t want to leave her family. He told her if she really loved him, she would go with him. While they were arguing she tripped over, she hit her face against the bench and split her lip.


Later that day Kyle drove the short distance into town and went into the pub which Dean and Pete Ryan didn't drink at. He got drunk and he started talking big, saying he wasn’t scared of the Ryan brothers. He had a knife and he was ready to kill which ever one came for him first.


About nine in the evening the doorman kicked him out. He was marched outside and told to walk it off and come back for his car in the morning.


The doorman stood there and watched him leave. He was the last to see him before he was pulled bloated and broken boned from the water, his unsteady walk as he headed down the road which led to his own house, and past that my parents’ house, and if he kept going further still the lake.


The next morning the car was there on the street still, Kyle not in his bed, and my sister starting phoning around to see if anyone knew where he was.


Two days later his body rose up to the surface of the lake, and was spotted by a man out fishing. Both Ryan brothers were pulled in for questioning. People saw them escorted into the station.


After seeing Kyle at the Mobil, Pete Ryan had gone to spend the afternoon watching his son play cricket. He’d stood on the sideline and watched him make run after run, and after he’d taken him out for dinner. Then he’d dropped him back to his mother’s house and gone around to his brother Dean’s house.


He and Dean sat outside in the warm night and drank a box of Woodstock. Sometime about midnight, he couldn’t remember for sure, Dean headed to bed and Pete stretched out on the couch and went to sleep.


They were each the others alibi. Nothing ever linked them there to the lake. Still, many in town believed it was them. Others said there was no sense in the brothers killing him over a few thousand dollars, after all, now they were never getting their money. They said Kyle pissed plenty of people off, and maybe he mouthed off to the wrong person as he made his way home.


The police came to our house the day after he was found to speak to my father. They sat in the lounge as the fan stirred air overhead and I passed them cans of lemonade from the fridge.


Dad told them about Kyle asking him for money, coming over while we were working out there on the car, and he nodded his head toward it, the freshly painted Ford.


Then one of the cops shook his head and laughed. Looked at my father. “You can’t have been too pleased to have your daughter shacked up with him,” he said.


“I sure wasn’t,” my dad replied.


I wished he’d lie then, for his own sake. Not admit he’d hated his daughter’s murdered boyfriend. But Dad always said, your word is all you have. Be someone people can trust. There’s no one on this earth I trust more than him.


It was a story now, a decade later, the haunted lake. Kids who swam out there claimed they felt something grab at their legs under the water. He was always trying to be someone big in town, Kyle Lewis, and eventually he was.


Every time I visited, Dad and I would drift out to the garage after dinner. Just like we used to when I was a kid still living at home. There was something soothing about being out there with him, the petrol scented concrete and the glow of the florescent light, the way we understood one another without having to speak. My childhood was something unending there.


Dad took two beers from the fridge in the garage and passed me one and we stood drinking, looking toward the road. It was quiet out here at night. I wondered if he felt the pull of the lake like I did.


“Do people still think it was the Ryan’s who killed Kyle?” I asked, not looking at him. We never spoke of that.


“Yeah, I guess so,” he said. “People don't talk much about it now.”


I remembered the day Kyle was pulled from the lake, the convoy of police cars driving past as we stood there in the garage. The solemnness of their cars with sirens and lights off, and the scraping sound of Dad scrubbing sandpaper over the car. The stark look of the metal underneath the old paint.


“Dad, stop, they might see,” I had begged him. He paused only long enough to look up at me.


“Everyone knows we been doing up this car, son,” he said. “No one will think a thing about it.”


He was right of course. Everyone was too busy looking at Dean and Pete Ryan. The police looked right at the car as they sat in our house and looked away again. My dad bought a new headlamp to replace the smashed one and took the car in for a new paint job after he’d banged out the dent, and no one ever said a thing except to ask what colour he wanted it.


But for all those years afterward when I went out there to the lake, I couldn’t stop myself imagining it. My dad in the darkness hauling the body from his car. Carrying him over the stones so as to not leave a trail, and how he did that I didn’t know.


He dropped him in all the way round the far side where trees grew low into the water and no one ever swam, and it was time enough before he was found for what evidence there was to be lost.


I could only imagine it because I had sworn to never speak of that night, not to anyone. Not even him.


The memory I carried was buried inside me now, of driving up the road to test the brakes on the car and rounding a corner and seeing him there. The animal look of him in my headlights, the drunken lumber, the glowing eyes, and for a instant I saw again him barging me in the hallway of my house, hitting my sister in his own house.


There was a moment I could have braked and didn’t. I could have swerved and didn’t.


My dad was there in minutes after I called him, stood with me looking at the lifeless shape of Kyle Lewis on the side of the road. There was the sound of something deep in the night, frogs and birds, coming from the bush.


Then he put his hands on my shoulders, looked at me steadily.


“Listen to me, this is my fault. I was the one driving. You got that? You can never speak about this again, do you understand?”


He pressed his own keys into my hand, ordered me to drive his car home and shower and go to bed and forget this ever happened. I got into his car and saw in the rear-view mirror the car there on side of the road, my father beside it, phone in his hand.


That moment was the end of my first life, the hazy days of childhood where anything felt possible. The life which came after was both darker and clearer, the knowledge of exactly what I was.


“Who’d you call that night?" I asked him. "I’ve always wondered.”


I didn’t know if he’d answer. I’d made a promise to him, and that was what we did. We kept our word. He’d protected me all these years.


“I called Dean Ryan. Told him I’d hit someone on the road and I needed his help. We go back a long way, me and him. He helped me dump him out there.”


He nodded his head toward it, the lake we couldn’t see from here but could feel. It was something which would always be there between us, the dark magnet of the past, pulling at us.


“What’d you have to do for him?”


Dean Ryan did no favours. What he gave, you paid for. My dad looked at me again, and I felt the weight of all the things I didn’t know.


“It was bad for him, everyone seeing Kyle still walking around after ripping him off. I paid off Kyle’s debt to him, and he let people think what they wanted.”


I thought then of Dean Ryan’s long silence. Denying or admitting nothing. The silence which had grown between me and my dad. All of us bound by it.


That night I had known, as I always had, my father would do anything to protect me. Because I knew what sort of man he was; one who took care of his own. Same as I was.

June 25, 2022 02:07

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160 comments

Suma Jayachandar
15:53 Jul 01, 2022

Congratulations! A well deserved win.

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Kelsey H
00:53 Jul 02, 2022

Thanks!

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Kendall Defoe
15:43 Jul 01, 2022

Okay, a well-deserved win with this one. You really understand what people will do for family...and maybe themselves? 🤔

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Kelsey H
00:52 Jul 02, 2022

Thanks, I like the idea that the father feels strongly about being honest until he needs to lie for his son.

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Zack Powell
15:34 Jul 01, 2022

One of my favorite people won! I'm so happy for you right now, Kelsey. Very, very, very well-deserved victory! Be sure to celebrate. (Belated apology for commenting so late on this - I was sick most of the week, and I saw you were still on the Recommended List yesterday and didn't want to say anything to jinx you.) Wonderful story, phenomenally told. Loved it, and I thought you tagged the genres perfectly. It's a Crime story, of course, but there's a lot of Mystery surrounding the disappearance of Kyle and the who/what of the situation. Wh...

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Kelsey H
00:45 Jul 02, 2022

Thanks Zack, I appreciate your support so much. I thought I would never win this comp so very surprised but happy! Its morning here now but will be having a drink later for sure :) With the pov I recently re-read Gone Girl and it made me want to try doing the first person narrator who is keeping things from the reader, so this idea sort of sprung from there. And yes, it is the story I posted for 5 mins then deleted! I rewrote the whole second half so the reveal came as near to the end as possible - it was previously earlier and I felt it ...

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Beth Jackson
08:18 Jun 30, 2022

I loved this Kelsey! The twists and turns of the plot were great, and you kept the tension ramped up the whole way through. It flowed beautifully and was very well written! Thoroughly entertaining, thanks for sharing! :-)

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Kelsey H
03:09 Jul 01, 2022

Thanks for your comment. I was hoping there would still be a feeling of tension even knowing from the start Kyle is going to die!

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Beth Jackson
07:09 Jul 02, 2022

Woohoo!!!!! Congratulations, Kelsey!! You certainly deserved this! Ka pai!! :-)

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Kelsey H
02:59 Jul 03, 2022

Thanks! Whereabouts in NZ are you (if you don't mind saying). I'm in Christchurch :)

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Beth Jackson
03:02 Jul 03, 2022

Oh Christchurch is so lovely! I’m on the outskirts of Auckland! :-)

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Jay Mc Kenzie
06:25 Jun 30, 2022

Kelsey, this is beautifully paced. You drew me in straight away, but kept your cards close to your chest. I loved the first little suspicion with the car and it just kept galloping from there. The line about "my sister would bleed for it" - chills. Great job.

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Kelsey H
03:15 Jul 01, 2022

Thanks for your comment, I'm glad you thought the pacing was good, its hard to know if its right or not!

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Jay Mc Kenzie
21:31 Jul 01, 2022

Just swinging by to say congrats on the win Kelsey! Woop! Well done.

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Kelsey H
01:22 Jul 02, 2022

Thanks!

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B Littleyork
04:28 Jun 30, 2022

Great job! I liked how the lake itself became haunted and people claimed they felt something grabbing their legs. I also thought the scene between the father and Kyle was excellent — you painted a picture with your words.

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Kelsey H
03:17 Jul 01, 2022

Thanks for your comment. I feel like the 'murdered body in a lake' is the sort of thing which could end up legendary in a small town!

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Murray Burns
17:39 Jun 29, 2022

Very interesting, nice twist. "My father wounded him and she would bleed for it"- nice line. And the last line...fitting ending to capture the idea of taking care of family. So...I have to ask....is that Pac Man on your logo? Or it means something else?

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Kelsey H
01:49 Jun 30, 2022

Thanks Murray, I'm glad you enjoyed. Haha, yeah it's Pac Man, my son did it, I find it kind of amusing so haven't changed it yet ...

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Murray Burns
02:04 Jun 30, 2022

My son had to tell me it was Pac Man. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't some kind of ancient symbol that would a put a curse on all who read your stories.

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05:42 Jun 26, 2022

Kelsey, this is absolutely captivating. I was hooked from beginning to end. I think this story is perfectly paced - there's that pull of the first line, the steady unfurling of information and character beats, and above all, a satisfying conclusion. The ending works so well because it is true to the MC and his father especially. Not a loose end in sight. My favourite part was the scene when Kyle asks the MC's father for money - it revealed so much about their personalities in such an effective way. Brilliant work, well done and thank you f...

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Kelsey H
06:34 Jun 26, 2022

Thanks for your comment Shuvayon, I am so glad to hear you enjoyed it! I haven't attempted a 'twist' ending before and even though I had the whole plot in my head, actually getting it down in a story form was really hard, and trying to not give away too much before the end without making it confusing.

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18:34 Jul 01, 2022

Tu meke Kelsey! Congrats on the win! So happy for you and well deserved. :)

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Kelsey H
01:21 Jul 02, 2022

Thanks!

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Michał Przywara
21:16 Jun 25, 2022

Very nice! I think "mystery" would also fit as a tag, as I was certainly wondering what really happened to Kyle. The Ryans were the obvious choice, and after that I thought the father had done it -- so, great misdirection! I enjoyed the twist ending. It's a very dramatic coming of age, where the narrator learns his father is not perfect but actually a complex human. This particular relationship reminded me of Khaled Hosseini's "The Kite Runner."

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Kelsey H
02:41 Jun 26, 2022

Thanks for your thoughts. I was going to tag it mystery so might do now, I wasn't sure how well the twist was going to work so glad to hear you thought it did!

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Michał Przywara
16:06 Jul 01, 2022

Congratulations on the win!

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Kelsey H
01:18 Jul 02, 2022

Thanks!

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Katy Borobia
16:46 Jun 25, 2022

This is such a beautiful piece, Kelsey! You built the mystery and revealed the way Kyle died so well. I was not expecting the ending but it made perfect sense, which I think is the mark of a well-written mystery. I genuinely felt for your characters, which I also love in a short story :) Well done!

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Kelsey H
21:03 Jun 25, 2022

Thanks so much, Katy. This is the first time I have tried something in the crime/mystery type genre, and I was a bit worried what happened would be either obvious from the start or just plain confusing, so I am really glad to hear that you thought it worked!

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Katy Borobia
15:03 Jul 01, 2022

I am so happy to see your piece win! Congratulations and I assure you, it was very very well-deserved!!

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Kelsey H
01:18 Jul 02, 2022

Thanks Katy, there are so many talented writers here I never expected to win but very happy to!

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18:53 Nov 12, 2022

Deserving win.

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Kingsley Liaw
12:14 Oct 31, 2022

I dont read books

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Cris Hack
12:25 Oct 11, 2022

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13:05 Oct 05, 2022

it was a great story i really like it

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Danika J
02:50 Sep 24, 2022

I read this story a week ago and stumbled upon it again today and said to myself, "did I let the author know I enjoyed it?" I scrolled through the comments, and - it looks like I forgot! This was a fantastic read. So many intriguing elements that captivated me the whole way through.

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Kelsey H
01:45 Sep 25, 2022

Thanks for taking the time to comment, I'm glad to know you enjoyed!

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Eddy Balboa2
07:18 Sep 21, 2022

I would have drown from some unnecessary amount of details, just like this bastard did, i thought at the start, but your nice curved figure of the story was maked a nice little dance on me.

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Fruit Of Joy
07:36 Sep 20, 2022

the twist... i never saw it coming

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04:02 Sep 17, 2022

Nice story.

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Mark Given
22:16 Sep 16, 2022

i love the story it has pretty good beginning and ending as well, i really enjoy it i'd love to convert it to voice if you dont mind

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Bea Taylor
15:57 Sep 15, 2022

AMAZING!! Absolutely LOVED this story!! The twist at the end was totally unexpected!

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