The Woman in the Mirror

Emma woke to her annoying alarm clock. Oh crap, I pushed the snooze button too many times? Now, I am going to be late. Mr. Taft locked the classroom doors before he distributed the final exams. He had zero tolerance for students who could not bother to be punctual, his words. Emma grabbed her hairbrush for a quick brush and ponytail job and tilted the golden etched mirror, which sat on her nightstand. The mirror was a treasure given to her upon her grandmother's death. The mirror was rumored to be magical, but Emma did not believe in such hullabaloo.

Emma looked in the mirror while brushing her hair and froze. The face looking back at her was not hers. She must still be half asleep and dreaming. The attractive older woman, with smooth skin and hardly a wrinkle, had silky white hair tied up in a puffy bun with little dangly curls. She looked at Emma with concern. Emma sat shocked. She had stayed up late studying and worried that her brain had split. How could she pass her Chemistry final when she was hallucinating?

"Emma, you are not hallucinating," the older woman assured her.

  Emma gasped; how did she know I thought I was hallucinating, and how did she know my name? Emma had no words to say as she gaped at the woman in horror. Emma quickly went into the bathroom with her eyes closed, washed her face, brushed her hair, and pulled it into a ponytail without opening her eyes. Emma did not care what she looked like, she just needed to leave her apartment and get to school. She squinted one eye open and darted into her kitchenette. I need a cup of coffee, strong coffee, Emma incoherently mumbled. She would think about the mirror after her exam was over. Emma knew that lack of sleep could trick the mind. What she did not know was if her mind was temporarily, or permanently tricked. Later, she would decide, later.

Emma struggled with her exam. The memory or hallucination of the woman in the mirror interrupted her concentration. She went home and hoped it had been a delusion. She entered her apartment but avoided her bedroom. I am being ridiculous, she thought to herself. Whatever occurred made her paranoid. She had slept only three hours after studying for her exam.

Emma quietly snuck into her bedroom, as if not wanting to wake someone, and hoped to take a nap. She lay on her bed with her back towards the mirror. She flopped on her stomach with her head turned away from the mirror. That was uncomfortable, so she rolled around trying to relax. She had never noticed how uncomfortable her bed and pillows were. She adjusted her legs, arms, and head until she accidentally rolled the wrong way and glanced at the mirror. There was the woman again, smiling at her.

"Emma, why do you think you are not smart or pretty?" The woman's voice was soft and discerning.

The question startled Emma. "How do you know that?  I have always felt plain and not smart. I was tall and chunky when I was a kid. The other girls were petite and cute. Learning to read in school was difficult, so I always felt stupid, even in high school when I was on the honor roll."

  "But you are not plain. You are pretty and highly intelligent. Do you think the students who get the highest grades in their chemistry and math classes, like you do, are not smart? I know you do not think that of others, so why do you think that of yourself?"

Emma had no logical answer. "Maybe because schoolwork was never a big deal in my family. If we got good grades or poor grades, it was never a big deal.”

"It is essential, Emma, that you value your education and your own goals."

  "The problem is," Emma paused, "I do not have any personal goals. I have no clue what I want to do except get married and have kids like my mother did." Brilliant guys were attractive to Emma, the ones with goals who would have successful careers. Emma wondered if she was compensating for her lack of goals. The woman said nothing, only gave Emma a knowing nod, as if she could read her mind.

"I am dating someone right now who is smart. He has a full academic scholarship. My mother dislikes him. She thinks he is a bad influence on me. I think she is judgmental. I plan to drop out of school because Jim and I want to get married. Between my job and his scholarships, we can afford for him to finish school." The woman studied Emma with kind yet sad eyes.

"Emma, I know the doubts you have about yourself and why you have them. I can help you if you want me to, but you must listen. Do you remember how you got this mirror that allows us to talk to one another?"

"My grandmother gave it to me before she died. She had an antique steamer trunk filled with heirlooms in her attic. She gifted it to me upon her death. She told me it was an eighteenth-century, magical mirror and to guard it carefully. My grandmother was a bit quirky, so I laughed at the thought of a magical mirror and brushed the idea away like an old cobweb. It is beautiful, though, with the golden etching around the edges and the hand-carved wooden easel. I like that it sits on my nightstand instead of hanging on a wall. This mirror is either magical as rumored, or I am going mental and talking to a hallucination."

"The woman softly chuckled, "You are not going mental. The mirror is charmed and allows me to guide you if that is your desire.

"How do you know this stuff? Who are you? I know you are not my grandmother." Emma questioned.

"No, I am not your grandmother, and who I am is not important right now. By the time I have taught you everything you are willing to learn, you will know who I am." The older woman replied. "Do you want me to guide you?"

"I suppose so. It is weird having a teacher I only see in my mirror. It is like having a Zoom meeting I suppose, just not on my laptop. This feels very futuristic."

  The woman knowingly smiled, "Oh yes, this is futuristic, more than you realize. All I ask of you Emma is that you talk to me before you act impulsively or make any major decisions. Will you do that?"

  "I will try. I need to take a nap right now. Is that okay with you? Emma asked the older woman. Emma looked in the mirror. The woman was gone. Is this what a psychotic break is, talking to a stranger in a mirror? Emma fought back the tears that threatened to keep her awake. She did not believe any of this could be real. She eventually fell asleep and dreamed of the woman in the mirror.

  Emma slept the rest of the day and through the night. When she awoke, she remembered her final exams were over. Relief flooded through her. The mirror, she then recollected the woman in her mirror. Panic replaced relief. Emma was anxious to learn if the previous day had been reality or a delusion. She brushed her hair up into a ponytail and made a pot of strong coffee. She settled down on her bed and turned the mirror towards her.

All she saw was herself in the mirror. She was deeply disappointed. "Woman, teacher, mentor, or whoever, are you there?"

The woman appeared with a sense of relief and a radiant smile. "I am pleased you called for me, Emma. Now that you know I am available, I will come to you when you call for me. I cannot guilt or manipulate you. That is against the rules. I can merely guide you for a limited time. I am not a lifetime guide. I am here to help you find your path. The rest is up to you. You may not always like the guidance I give but promise me you will contemplate my words. If you do, you will find your purpose and rightful path in life.

"Emma, you have not found a passion in life besides getting married and having children. Is that what you told me?" The woman wanted Emma to focus on the words she told herself.

"Yes, that is correct. That is why it is best if I get a job so Jim can concentrate on his studies. He knows what he wants in his life, besides me, of course." Emma knew her explanation sounded off. Something did not feel right, even to her.

"May I make one suggestion?" Emma nodded affirmatively to the woman in the mirror. "Before you quit school, would you take a summer class at the college and a class at your local health club? They are enjoyable classes." She urged Emma without being overbearing.

How could Emma admit to wanting help but refuse to take one summer class and a class at the health club? "Sure, I can take one class. What is it?"

"If you take a college nutrition class and a yoga class at the health club, you will find them very interesting." Emma wondered how the woman knew what she would find interesting.

"Sure, they sound rather fun. I have never taken a nutrition class or yoga before."

"I know you haven't," the woman responded. She caught herself before she said too much to Emma. She would have to be more careful. Emma could not know who she was, well, not yet.

Emma followed the woman's suggestions and spent the summer learning nutrition and yoga. She also loved both the beauty and spiritual sides of nature. Learning about the health of her body and mind fit in with interests she did not know she even had.

When summer was half over, Emma told her mirror woman how much she enjoyed what she had learned. "The woman in the mirror looked relieved and pleased."

"Now that you feel enthusiastic about nutrition, yoga, and the spiritual side of nature, I highly encourage you not to quit school. The college has a good nutrition program. The school has yoga and meditation classes, but there are women in town who also teach at private studios. To finish studying nutrition, you must stay in school and finish your degree.

"How can Jim and I get married if I stay in school, too? Jim wants me to quit school and move in with him. We need a place without roommates, so I would have to work."

The woman in the mirror knew guiding Emma out of her obsession to get married young would be challenging. She needed to nudge Emma, not too much nor too little. "Emma, remember I told you that you would not always like my guidance. You must focus right now on what is good for you. Getting married and having children is in your future, but it does not need to happen now. Now is the time to learn who you are and what makes you feel good about yourself and your life.

"Jim is not going to like this idea at all. I need to discuss this with him." Emma felt agitated and worried.

"Do you know why you feel so reluctant to discuss this with Jim, Emma?" The woman hoped to open Emma's eyes to more than just school. She wanted to inspire her and help her avoid the unpleasant consequences of poor choices.

"Well, Jim can be a bit controlling sometimes. I guess that's just the way men are. My dad controlled what my mother did as well." Emma grew uncomfortable with the conversation about Jim.

"No, Emma, all men are not controlling," the woman paused. She did not want Emma to feel judged and nudged the wrong way.

"I do like what I am learning, and it would be nice to finish college before I get married. I will talk with Jim tonight about what he thinks." The woman just sighed and looked up as if asking for help.

"Call for me through the mirror when you want to talk to me again. I am always available. You have decisions to make this summer. These decisions are crucial for your future life."

Emma got home late after her horrible argument with Jim. He had been his typical controlling self, yet worse. Emma threw herself on her bed and wept. She eventually cried herself to sleep and woke up with her face red and her eyes puffy. Make-up would not fix her face. She reached for an ice pack for her eyes and went back to bed. She could not call the woman in the mirror, not like that. She would wait a day or two before she reached out to her.

Emma completed her summer nutrition class at the college and signed up for another yoga class. She liked Chemistry but could not picture herself as a chemist or scientist. Emma could, however, imagine herself as a nutritionist and yoga instructor. She was ready to talk with her mirror lady again.

Emma turned her mirror towards her and whispered (she did not know why she was whispering). She was a tad bit nervous. "Friend, can you hear me? Are you there?"

"I am here," the woman replied with concern. "It has been over a month since we last spoke. I know your date with Jim did not go well. Do you want to talk to me about it?" She asked.

"How do you know these things? It is as though you were there, but you weren't." Emma felt irritated. "Jim was not happy with me. He wants me to quit school and get married. I told him I would think about it."

"Emma, you are not telling me everything. I know more than you think I do. He got angry and hit you, did he not?"

"Yes, but he said he was very sorry and would never do that again." Emma did not know if she was trying to convince the woman or herself.

"Emma, if he got angry and hit you because you want to finish school, do you think he will not hurt you again when you refuse to do what he demands? How long did it take for your bruised face to heal or at least until make-up covered up the bruises?"

"I did not want you to know. That is why I waited a month before calling you, but you already knew. How did you know without me telling you?" Emma had tried to deflect the conversation away from her secrets, but she had not succeeded. She kept the truth about Jim's temper from everyone else, but she could not hide the secrets from her mirror friend.

"Emma, I do not want to scare you, but Jim will hit you again and again and again. Each time, he will plead for your forgiveness and promise he will never do it again. Emma, Jim may need you, but what he feels is not love. I know you believe Jim is smart. Are you confusing being smart with his ability to learn fast and have high-powered goals?

"I know, I keep asking this, but how do you know all this? Have you been through it yourself? Jim is different. He loves me. He is usually kind and good to me. He only gets angry when I make him mad." Emma realized she was not sounding smart herself.

"Emma, you are pretty, intelligent, and extremely capable of finding your chosen path in life. Is this it?" The woman's eyes misted with tears. I am here to help you choose a different path than the one you are on. Do you want me to leave?"

"No, no, I want you to stay and help me. I need your wisdom. I feel like I am someone important when I am with Jim. I am afraid I will be a nobody without him." Emma's tears flowed down her cheeks.

"I promise you, my dear, that you are already someone special, even without Jim. Jim's angry, hurtful words and violence will make you feel unloved and useless, not special. Do not trap yourself in a web that will only hurt you. Before you find a loving relationship and kindness, you must find your own value. Never let someone else determine your value. That is for you to discover."

Emma continued with her college and became a registered dietician. She also became a yoga and meditation instructor. In time, Emma met a man who did not call her vulgar names nor threaten her with violence. He loved the Emma she had become, and she loved him. If not for the woman in the mirror, her life would have taken a painfully different path.

Emma swiveled the mirror to face her as she snuggled up on her bed. "Dear Friend, are you there?"

The woman appeared, "It has been three years since you last called for me. I am incredibly pleased that you made different choices. We both have better lives now."

"How did you know?" Emma started to ask her, but she paused and smiled. "Now, I know who you are. You are me. We are the same person. You are just an older version of me. We both live with the consequences that I, or should I say we made.

"Yes," the older Emma said. The good choices you made have given me a wonderful life, thank you," and then the woman in the mirror was gone.

The younger Emma smiled, gently touched the golden etched mirror, and replied, "No, it is I who thanks you."