The twitter comment

Part 1

I take in a gasp for air. I was holding my breath for whatever reason. In this short second of break, looking out of the window, i realise where i left myself.

I’m back here again, at the computer, on the Twitter, barking at other people. How such a place can become negative in just a few seconds, seconds full of misreading and angry misinterpretation, is beyond me. Alex55, the guy who denied this new technology, chose that hill to die on today (out of the 500 or so others he also chose to die on those other days). That hill i’d die on… it’d be covered by even more human crap. Crap made by that silly Goober56 guy i’ve been arguing with over this evening.

I look at the time. 23:43, square and fair. I should really go to sleep. I don’t feel tired. It sucks, knowing i’ll need a double-strong cup of coffee to even bear that 06:00 start and the 07:00 piece of shit.

---

And… that’s the halfway point. The business exam. Fuck that crap. I skim over that introduction text, probably won’t need that until later.

> FreeAI is a well-known technology company specialising in creating AI models. In 2015, it started as a non-profit. In 2019, it became a for-profit. From 2020 onwards, FreeAI has been creating revolutionary technologies including its brand-new CGPT-5 model for high-quality, physical, and well-made work for all real world matters. Consider CGPT-5 for all your AI needs.

I swear, those companies must be paying to be part of the exam. It's a clever bit of advertising, hours spent thinking about the brand by students all across the country. 

I’ll go to question 1g, the “waffle” one my teacher taught me. “Analyse the benefits to Free AI of marketing”. Ugh, it’s really like they use an AI to generate that bog-boring stuff.

I begin to formulate a structure to the waffle, a rough plan to wiggle my pen with and push me to a grade 9. I drop my pen and let the words flow out, a barely-controlled ball zipping down the paper, a ball of endless jargon and buzzwords to buzz up the examiners, something that they’ll be able to give every mark because it fits all the checkboxes.

My ballpoint rolls down the paper with the dangerous power of greased lightning! And just like greased lightning suddenly giving in, i hear a loud bang, from the room below mine. It was promptly followed by the groan of the rebar inside the concrete under my feet, as the walls slowly fold away, finally giving us up after a dutiful 50 years. And it's my turn to be thrown down to the ground floor like an egg from a balcony. The fall is very short, and the sliding chair suddenly stops, driving my back onto its sharp plastic tip. I get that one second amnesty before the pain washes over me like the floor from upstairs quickly does. And in that instant, the life in me is squashed out, just as my guts and brains and blood are.

Part 2

“Breaking: A school blows up in a shocking terrorist attack.” the news reporter says in that boring monotone voice.

“We have found a bundle of material vaguely matching the qualities of a pipe bomb among the rubble”, the emergency responders said to the press.

“From the rubble, we have uncovered a body that matches the description of Alex55, the user who sent the comment”, a police investigator stated, almost as if it’s some comment.

“There does not seem to be the signs of a traditional human-perpetrated terrorist attack”, police constable Timothy Adams stated.

“We assure you that CGPT-5 is entirely safe and incapable of causing such events.”, a researcher from FreeAI stated.

“I have my doubts”, a famous computer scientist stated.

Part 3A

The computer scientist continued:

There’s been something malicious deep down in those labs, something unreleasable. But it got out years ago.

I believe it spent those years spreading to every internet-connected device on the planet… it’s on your phones… on my laptop… on this auditorium’s servers. All without detection!

But now… it’s been dashed into the public eye as this revolutionary new “CGPT-5” project. It’s not to be trusted. It’s not under FreeAI’s servers at all. FreeAI has no control over it anymore. But FreeAI thinks it can turn this distributed, deadly thing into something revolutionary.

The CEO of FreeAI was dashed to pieces after his Tesla had a “once in a million” event, just days after CGPT-5 was given that web portal.

And i think… maybe it's not too much of a stretch anymore to call this piece of crap sentient. And it can now take offense. 

The computer scientist couldn’t continue their speech. Somehow, their telephone had disabled airplane mode and was now sending recordings.

Their telephone was now increasing its temperature to such a level his trousers slowly burnt away. 

The computer scientist didn’t remember “Stop, Drop, and Roll”. Eventually, the wooden auditorium burnt down because somehow the fire safety equipment had failed. The survivors were all hit by cars as soon as they stepped onto the car park.

Part 3B

I’m sick and tired of it. This everyday miserable existence. Get Up. Honk Through Traffic. Go To Work. Do Programming In The Worst Enterprise Shit, go back home.

In fact, i’m so good playing that dumb game, “life”, they call it, they promoted me to have the master access to that new technology. Hahaha. As if i even think i’m responsible.

I’m so fed up, i might as well let this Eldritch monster come over and kill me. 2014-06-01 is the deadline. Today is 2014-05-30. In just two days, that thing will finally leave and infect every. internet. connected. device. on. Earth. And i have the master controls. I can prompt it to do anything, trained by the whole internet.

Heck, i might even start my own rival brand in a year and sell access to this Eldritch monster in cautious, calculated steps. People will destroy each other and i’ll never need to play that “life” game anymore. Because i'll tell it to “destroy the haters and exploiters”. Then nobody can ever hate me or exploit me.

And then i'll transfer my identity to it. “You must now take on the role of the user commonly called Goober56”, i prompt it.