Warm House, Cold hearts

Now 

It was once a fine room, however narrow it was. The blue-painted walls were decorated with frames of smiling faces, medals of achievements hanged like glinting golds next to a large grinning poster of a handsome young man with black spiked hair. The window that was once a hole to the outside world was now filled with rows of rusty ironed bars. The girl stared lazily at the window gazing at the sliver of snow on the stool. It looked like the inside of Mr. Tommy, her teddy friend. It made her mouth dry, so she swallowed. She leaned weakly on her door ignoring the distant rumble of voices outside the hall. Soon her mummy would fetch her in this room. She closed her eyes and curled, her hands hugging her bare legs. She tried to think of the words she would say to mummy. She needed to say the exact, perfect word, something that mummy enjoys hearing. A thud of heavy footsteps jolted her from reverie. She gasped, her knees buckling as she tried to stand and straighten the tangled curls of her hair. Mummy hated messy hair. She took a step backward as the floors beneath the door began to creak and the doorknob turned in a slow steady motion. The door slammed open, but it wasn't her mummy. 

Then 

It was her parent's 23rd wedding anniversary. Lisa sat on the table of their brightly lit kitchen watching as her mummy drifted from floor to floor humming a beautiful tune as she fetched a freshly baked pie from the oven. Lisa beamed at her mom; it was nice to see her happy. It made the whole room brighter with her loud booming laughter. She twirled on the kitchen floor her face blushed from the fancy wine she just drank. As she stopped, she stared at Lisa and embraced her in a wide satisfying hug. She kissed her hair and said, "Let's wait for your Dad, sweet bunny." Lisa giggled, she never liked that pet name "sweet bunny," it made her feel like a baby. She nodded on her mom's neck and inhaled her sweet cinnamon-like scent. "Okay mummy," she replied. Her mummy sauntered back to the oven and with her gloved hand, she pulled a glistening brown medium-sized turkey. She placed it amidst the table and sighed in satisfaction. "Well, how bout it sweet bunny? A nice big turkey for your dad, he will be delighted, don't you think?" Lisa nodded showing her wide-toothed grin. She pulled Mr. Tommy from his chair and hugged him tightly on her chest. "Now you better watch this food closely, before Mr. Tommy decided to take a lick at the turkey," Mummy said teasingly. This made Lisa giggle from her seat. She watched as her mom disappeared from the door.  

An hour after mummy emerged from the door wearing a lavish silk dress and a golden chain around her neck, Lisa sat with her lids heavy and her stomach rumbling with emptiness. Her mom paced frantically around the kitchen glancing at the old wall clock. Sweat began to moisten her make-up, and to Lisa it somehow made her mummy look old and tired. She could see the lines of her temple and the narrowing scowls of her eyes. It made Lisa afraid. She had never seen her mummy this tense. She grabbed Mr. Tommy to her chest and closed her eyes. A loud thud emerged from the room; Lisa peered at her mom who was now running barefoot to the living room. Lisa stood from her seat; she could hear her parents arguing in the living room. She walked slowly clutching Mr. Tommy on her chest. Floors creaked with her footsteps. She peered behind the door and saw mummy on her knees. Her eyes glistening as she rubbed her red swollen cheek with her fingers. Dad was standing beside the door. His eyes fierce and his face flushed with anger. He caught Lisa's gaze. His dad shook his head, walked, and slammed the door behind him. Lisa stared back at her mom. Mummy stood unsteadily on her feet, straightened her dress, and sauntered towards the master bedroom.  

That night Lisa woke up from the loud thudding of the walls. She opened the door of her narrow bedroom and saw her mummy who was still in her silk dress, thrashing the furniture of their living room. She screamed as she knocked the frames of their hanging photographs. Her brown hair tangled in a mess; her eyeliner stained the fine skin of her cheeks. Lisa felt her heart thud, tears blurred her eyes. She trudged towards her mom; her knees quivered with each step. “Mummy,” she shrieked tears streaming down her cheeks. “Mummy, stop please...” Lisa begged. Mummy peered at Lisa her chest rising ferociously. “Mom?” Lisa called. She saw the fury beneath mummy’s gaze. Lisa took a step back. Her mom stared at her with hatred and disgust. Lisa swallowed. Mummy plodded and it was just then that Lisa noticed the blood on her arms. She grabbed Lisa’s hair and chuckled on her ear; her breath smelled like gin. “This is all your fault you little shit!” She slapped Lisa’s face and shoved her against the wall. Lisa wailed, she took a step towards mummy and gripped in a tight embrace. Mummy pushed her aside. Lisa gasped. Mummy jabbed a finger on Lisa’s head and said, “You are a-a fucking mistake!” mummy said her voice slurred. She wobbled on her feet, slumped on the cushion, and passed out.  

Lisa stared at mummy’s face. She had been sleeping like a cow. She nudged her gently on the legs. Mummy gasped. She sat on the cushion rubbing her eyes with her blood-stained arms. She squinted at Lisa. Lisa felt her heart leaped. She beamed in excitement. Mummy scanned Lisa’s face; she scowled. She cursed silently and shoved her aside. Lisa felt her heart sank. For a second she thought a night's sleep will help her regain her mummy back. Mummy plodded towards her bedroom. Lisa trailed behind her, eyes brimming with tears. “Mom, are you okay?” she asked. Mummy ignored her and slammed the door behind her.

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It was noon when Lisa woke up, tucked in her narrow bed. Arrays of bright light filtered through her curtained window. She had been trapped in this room for days, it already smelled like urine and sweat. She searched for Mr. Tommy gazing around the room for any signs of his fur but remembered that her mummy ripped him in front of her. She gasped at the memory and felt her body shivered as mummy screamed behind the door. Lisa clutched her blanket and curled to the corner of the room. She heard the door creaked and saw the wiry frame of her mummy gaping at her. She had been like this since daddy left. Her hair that was once curled in a neat bun was now tangled and dry. The lines were deeper on her temples. She stared at Lisa; her teeth bared. Lisa closed her eyes anticipating a blow from mummy’s bony hands. Instead, she heard her mum muttered, “Daddy’s coming tonight, behave yourself sweet bunny,” she turned and sauntered across the living room, a bottle of gin clasped in her one hand. Lisa breathed. She felt tears streaming down her cheeks. Daddy, her daddy would come home. Lisa felt a sliver of hope, she closed her eyes and began to mutter a silent prayer.  

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Mummy stared at the mirror for like hours. She tried on different dresses until she found what she was looking for. It was a red dress, and its fabric looks rather flimsy and revealing but it looked good on mummy. She curled her hair and painted her lips red. She called Lisa and asked her to zip her dress. Lisa obeyed with delight. A knock emerged from the front door. Mummy turned and asked Lisa, “How do I look?” She stretched her hands and Lisa beamed. The door opened and daddy was there wearing a denim trouser and a gray sleeve shirt. Mummy embraced him but daddy only nodded and sat on the cushion. Mummy paused, her eyes on the floor. She closed the door carefully and sat next to daddy. Daddy was sweating, Lisa had just noticed it now. He was gazing frantically around the room while rubbing his palm on his trouser. He glanced at Lisa but paid her no heed. Instead, he stared at mummy and told her that he was going to leave. He pulled a folded parchment from his pocket and handed it over to mummy. He said it was divorce papers and he already signed them. Mummy stared at him in disbelief. Lisa saw mummy’s eyes glisten as she scanned the papers. Daddy shrugged and shook his head. Mummy tossed the papers on daddy’s face. Daddy stood and cursed at mummy. Mummy grabbed the bottle of gin on the table and drank. Daddy slammed the paper on the table tramped outside the room. Lisa ran towards daddy. She clasped his hip in a tight embrace and asked him to stay. He shook his head and pushed Lisa away. He walked briskly towards his car without glancing at Lisa and drove. Lisa stood crestfallen at the now empty driveway. The sudden flicker of hope she felt a moment ago, dissipated as the image of her father’s car disappeared on the dim-lit road. The cold began to sip on her skin and as she looked back at the house she once considered a home, she felt herself shivered with foreboding. She glanced at the window lit houses of the neighbors whom she barely knew. Lisa closed her eyes and imagined herself at a dinner table with her dad laughing by her side and her mom singing playfully behind the oven. She clasped at this little memory like water between her palms. Lisa felt an echoing ache on her chest and knew that somehow, everything she had and was before, is gone. She strolled back at their house and as she made it to the door, she swallowed. Mummy would not be delighted.  

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The room was flooded with strained emotions. The candelabra that once hang brightly and imposing amidst the linen curtained walls glistened with somber light. Mummy stood facing the window. Her face obscured by the thick strands of brown hair. Lisa wanted to hug her mom and let her know that she’ll always be there and that she loves her. Instead, she sauntered carefully towards her bedroom knowing that her mom wouldn't be delighted to see the clone of her own face. As she grabbed the knob, mummy said, “Your daddy want’s divorce.” Lisa halted but offered no response. She knew her mummy too well to open her mouth. “You know what that means, huh sweet bunny?” Mummy asked, she sounded like she was smiling. “It means, you’re alone.” Lisa swallowed. She twisted the knob and entered her bedroom. She pulled on the lock and with a sharp intake of breath, she slumped on the floor and cried.  

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Now

The first snow of the month brought distant memories to Lisa while she laid teeth chattering on the floor. Her mom had deprived her of bed and even blankets. She hugged her knees on the cold floor, stomach rumbling with hunger while she shivered clasping the thin fabric of her nightgown. The arrays of bright light that once filtered through her curtained window was now blocked with ironed bars. Lisa winced, the pain from her right limb that her mom once stabbed with a poker still echoed with pain. Lisa promised to be a good girl so that her mom wouldn’t jab the poker at her again. She combed her hair, washed the dishes, and scrubbed the floor so mummy wouldn’t be mad when she comes back. Mummy made her say phrases like “I am a mistake” or “I don’t matter” every time she becomes giddy from gin. One time, Lisa was in her room when mummy burst in and slapped her on the face saying that she did not scrub the floor right. She dragged Lisa, clutching the dry pony of her hair, and pushed her towards the floor. She sprayed a bowl of salt and commanded Lisa to kneel till her knees bleed while she gulped her gin on the cushion. Lisa begged, but mummy threatened to stab her with the poker. All those times Lisa prayed for her mummy to come back. She sometimes glanced at mummy and hope to see the once bright smile on her face. She cried every day seeing no response to her prayers until she felt numb and all she wished was that her mummy would kill her one day. She waited for that day to arrive. Lisa no longer cared. She thought that maybe her mummy was right, she was a mistake and that she needed to die. Her mummy once told her that if she can change a portion of her past, it would be that she would have proceeded to Lisa's abortion. It pained Lisa knowing that her mummy had changed. But what wounded her the most was that knowing that mummy never wanted her. Lisa stared blankly at the window, not knowing what to feel anymore. The floors creaked and she jolted. She tried to summon the last of her strength as she leaned and grabbed the cold bars of her window while she stood unsteadily to her feet. The door slammed open. Lisa closed her eyes tightly expecting a blow. She waited but nothing came. She opened her eyes slowly and saw a man in a blue uniform staring at her in disbelief. “Are you okay kid?” he asked. He gazed around the room and squinted at the image before him. He glanced back at Lisa; sympathy written on his withered face. He took a closer step and tried to hold Lisa’s shoulder. Lisa jerked and moved an inch closer to the window. The man hesitated. He looked at Lisa, shook his head, and took a step back. “No harm kid, everything's safe now you are safe now,” he said, his voice deep but not unkind. “Safe?” Lisa mumbled. She scanned the man’s face, searching for a hole of his sincerity but found none. She glanced at the clouded window and asked. “Mummy?” The man sighed and replied, “She’s taken to someplace new, somewhere far from you, she won’t be bothering you anymore.” Lisa felt her eyes blurred. She took a wary step towards the door, past the cop, and saw their thrashed living room for the first time in days. She stood there weakly her hand leaning on the wall. Everything about this room was her. Was mummy. The cop put a thick blanket on Lisa's shoulder and said, "You look cold to the bones kid," and added, "You hungry?" Lisa nodded. They sauntered towards the door. Ice-covered the front porch. Lisa hesitated. The man look and smiled at her reassuringly. Lisa breathe, for the first time in months, she finally felt free.

End