Contest #187 winner 🏆

Mitzee’s Moment

Submitted into Contest #187 in response to: Set your story in a cat shelter.... view prompt

226 comments

Fiction

Mitzee was in prison for a crime he did not commit.


Well, OK, he probably had committed it once or twice. Who knew? Who kept count? But he was very sure that he had been incarcerated now because of something he didn’t do. He glared through the prison bars, plotting. He was Houdini, Al Capone, and Einstein rolled into one. There was nothing he couldn’t do… except break out of this prison, apparently.


If looks could kill, there would be no one left alive in this joint. If he could get out, he’d make each and every one of them sorry they were born. So he sat and glared, the unblinking, one eyed glare that unnerved his enemies. No one stayed before his cell for long. They moved on quickly, repulsed by his battered visage and death ray glare from his single working eye.


He looked around at his fellow inmates. Some lay resigned to their fate, their eyes blank with despair, others shivered and cried, wailing at their fate with terror. The two brothers in the cell on the end of the opposite row cried in fear. They were barely legal, mere babes, and he wondered what was their heinous crime? What had they done to be sent here to maximum security? Perhaps they were framed.


Directly across from him was Snow. Butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth, and she reclined like a queen surveying her subjects. She knew how to work the system, all the guards bent to her will, as she slowly batted her lashes in their direction, purring her delight to see them again. She was a master at manipulation, that one. He’d met her more than once or twice on the outside, and they’d even had a thing going for a while. She looked sweet and innocent, but she was tough as nails. They had worked one joint together in the old days. She was sleek and fast, in and out with her purloined goods. He had been the scout that time, surveying the joint, ready to set off the alarm or create a distraction. Snow had shared the loot, she was an alright sort. Just don’t get on her bad side, or she’d cut you without remorse.


A smaller visitor stopped before his cell, eyes wide with an emotion Mitzee could not name. Horror? Fright? Disgust? Pick one. He gave the small visitor his best one eyed glare and accompanied it with a snarling growl. The visitor moved on, just as he liked it. He enjoyed being alone. He really did. Less to worry about, less to factor into a daily plan, and Mitzee had a plan. Bath, eat, glare. It worked for him. There was nothing else to do. He was on the countdown to death-row, and he knew it. Not much point worrying about it, not much point wailing. Bath, eat, glare. Right until the end.


Snow obviously had other plans. She simpered in her cell as the small visitor passed, flirting shamelessly. She was a chameleon, good at becoming what she needed to be to survive. Mitzee was just too old for it, it took too much energy, but good for her. Snow’s antics entranced the small visitor and she wound herself sinuously into convoluted dance steps that were designed to hypnotise and mesmerise the audience. Captive became captor, and soon Snow was free. God, she was good! From her small, transportable travel cell, she crowed triumphantly. Off to minimum security prison for her. Mitzee wondered how long it would be before Snow busted out. He reckoned she’d be back here within a month, but it was unlikely he’d still be here to see her. He sent her his best ‘well f*ck off and to hell with you’ glare. She smiled like a cat who got the cream. Good to know they still understood one another, he thought.


The prison guards came and went, his cell was cleaned on a regular rotation and the litter was removed and replaced. If he didn’t dream of freedom, of following the butcher bird in the early morning dawn and pitting his wits against the noisy little bugger, he’d be happy, or at least content. But freedom was as long gone as his eye. This was it for him, and he knew it.


He watched as each inmate got their reprieve, their chance at freedom that was precariously perched in the hands of unsuspecting visitors, victims if you will. But no one came for Mitzee.


“I’m unlovable,” he thought to himself with a kind of twisted pride. “I have a face that only a mother could love, and I never knew my mother.”


“Mommy, look, this kitty’s only got one eye!”


Mitzee opened said eye and glared at the little visitor. She wore a patch over her half her face, and the eye that was visible stared into his cell with interest. He hissed and glared, showing all his teeth. The little visitor’s mouth opened wide, showing him all her teeth too. Mitzee was impressed. Some teeth were missing. This little visitor was a scrapper. Must have fought many battles to be so scarred and toothless.


“I want this one.”


“Honey, don’t you think you should have a good look around? This one’s quite old, and he looks quite beat up!”


The little visitor turned her head to glare at the older one who spoke. Mitzee was at once amazed and enchanted. The glare was awe-inspiring, and it obviously came naturally to her.


“Well, if you’re sure. How about we ask the staff about him?”


Soon Mitzee found himself in a room he had never been in before, but had seen other inmates enter—the meet and greet room. It was strange to be in such wide open spaces again and he crept slowly, stomach low to the floor, poised and ready to leap out of harm’s way at any given second. The little visitor sat cross-legged in the middle of the floor and beckoned with treats and soft noises. Treats! Mitzee had never seen or smelled treats, and, against his better nature, he was intrigued.


“He likes me.”


“It would seem so,” the prison attendant said in amazement. “I’ve never seen old Mitzee cuddle up to anyone before. He’s usually the spitting, hissing kind of cat. We thought to re-home him as a barn cat. Are you sure you want this one?”


The little visitor looked Mitzee in the eye, single eye to single eye. “He’s just like me. He knows how to feel different from everyone else.”


“If that’s what you want to believe, little visitor, who am I to disagree?” Mitzee thought to himself, but outwardly he purred.


For the first time in his life, Mitzee was bundled into the transportable travel cell. This was his big moment, the one he never thought to have. He was off to minimum security. The little visitor babbled about a new home, a bed, food and toys. It all sounded so good, so warm and loving to Mitzee. He yowled a long, “Goodbye suckers!” to the inmates still incarcerated as he was bundled out through the doors, before being settled into the back seat of a car.


He yawned as he watched the scenery flash past, and already he was planning his big escape. His single eye twinkled with glee.

February 26, 2023 00:49

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226 comments

Mary Bendickson
06:01 Mar 08, 2023

We had to leave our ferocious bob-tailed cat, Bob, in a fancy cat hotel once. It had walls of glass fronted mini rooms with all the comforts of home for the cats to lounge in and they got individual playtime in the big room a couple of times a day. The report we got from the staff when we returned after a week was Bob acted exactly like Mitzee except kept his back on display and wouldn't come out to play. He never let anyone touch him and hissed at anyone who tried. He was fairly young at the time and has had an attitude ever since.

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Michelle Oliver
06:59 Mar 08, 2023

Some cats have extra sass don’t they! Thanks for reading Mitzee’s story and I am glad you enjoyed it.

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Mary Bendickson
17:57 Mar 10, 2023

Congrats on a well deserved win!

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Michelle Oliver
01:19 Mar 11, 2023

Thank you!

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Tara Leigh Parks
15:15 Mar 07, 2023

This has a wonderful pulp fiction style to it, especially when read aloud. For instance: the joint line the description of the "prison" and "crimes" description of Snow Your narrative is tight and active which engaged me right off. Strong character development. This is a fun, unique piece with just enough sadness to remind readers about shelters in general though this shelter doesn't seem awful because at least they planned to re-home him as a barn cat. Last fall, I adopted a dog from a shelter and it's been a hard road. Jake's hard to h...

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Michelle Oliver
22:49 Mar 07, 2023

Thanks for reading it. I am glad you enjoyed the story. Adopting from shelters is a risk, in terms of the fact that the animal comes with issues, but we all have issues! Those of us who take the time to love these slightly “used and possibly abused” animals can reap such huge benefits. Good luck with your Jake and just keep loving him.

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Ren Sabo
18:32 Mar 06, 2023

Funny my cat growing up was Mitsy. Sweet write!

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Michelle Oliver
22:36 Mar 06, 2023

Hi Ren. I wanted a common cute cat name, but played around with the spelling in a deliberate attempt to make it seem as if he had a tough life… you know toughen the name a bit. Mitzi looked too hard, Mitsy too soft so I went with something in the middle. Also the different spelling hopefully suggested that he’d never been loved enough to get the correct spelling. The shelter had named him, and they probably had thousands of cats with the same name, so to differentiate, they had to get creative with spelling. Yeah, perhaps I overthink things...

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Stevie Burges
05:06 Mar 06, 2023

Loved it, loved it. I was totally sucked into Mitzee and his life; I felt for him. I loved that he and the little girl were so alike in so many ways - well-written and great observations. Not being the author, I am convinced that Mitzee stayed - that attitude of his never got any better - but he and his new little girl totally bonded - and there we go: 'and lived happily ever after'! Thanks so much for writing.

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Michelle Oliver
05:23 Mar 06, 2023

I think you could be right. Even this author doesn’t know if he stays with his new family, but I’m hoping he knows what’s good for him! Thanks for reading it

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Irene Duchess
03:24 Mar 06, 2023

did Mitzee ever escape? or did he learn to like his new life? :)

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Michelle Oliver
03:40 Mar 06, 2023

I don’t know, I bet he tried to escape a few times. Hard to teach an old dog(cat) new tricks, so to speak. I’m hoping he just got fat and comfortable in his new life.

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Irene Duchess
04:02 Mar 06, 2023

it is hard to teach an old animal. lol

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02:56 Mar 06, 2023

I loved this story! I was sucked in from the very start, and I instantly fell in love with the character. Very well done! I loved this line: "If looks could kill, there would be no one left alive in this joint."

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Michelle Oliver
03:03 Mar 06, 2023

Thank you for reading and responding. I enjoyed writing this lovely little scamp of a Tom cat.

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Marty B
02:12 Mar 06, 2023

I like all the prison analogies this prompt unleashed. What did the cat do to deserve such punishment, he doesn't even know! To me it sounds like profiling the one-eyed rough looking cat. I hope he breaks free of his most recent half-way. Can't trust those little kids- Free the inmates!

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Michelle Oliver
03:06 Mar 06, 2023

Mitzee agrees with you! Thanks for reading.

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LEVI WOOD
20:51 Mar 05, 2023

I just read the story a second time and regret nothing. I LOVE THIS.

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Nathaniel Miller
04:32 Mar 05, 2023

Really great take on the prompt, Michelle! Fascinating to see a cat shelter equated with a maximum security prison. A different perspective and one that feels realistic, thought-out. Well done. I thought Mitzee's character was nicely developed, too; equating him with all the geniuses - criminal and not - in the beginning was a masterful touch. Also, as a bit of a grammar nut myself, I'd like to thank you for crafting a story where all the technical parts work. No grammar errors I caught; I know grammar is such a small part of a story but i...

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Michelle Oliver
05:06 Mar 05, 2023

Hi Nathaniel. Mitzee was a great character to write, so I am glad that you enjoyed him. As far as grammar goes, I do understand being a grammar nut. I do try, and sometimes I get it wrong, so I’m happy to have eagle eyes looking for those errors. Sometimes the errors are stylistic and intentional in order to show character, other times they are a result of poor typing skills and an auto correct gone mad. Thanks for reading.

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Nathaniel Miller
00:52 Mar 11, 2023

Many congrats on the win!

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Michelle Oliver
00:54 Mar 11, 2023

Thanks!

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Valerie Shand
22:34 Mar 04, 2023

I find myself wishing Mitzee would give this little girl and the chance for a happy, forever home a try, so I found your ending very sad. I hope his plans for a big escape come to nothing because he is loved and cared for enough to change his plans.

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Michelle Oliver
22:38 Mar 04, 2023

Yes let’s hope he knows what’s good for him! Thanks for taking the time to read the story.

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Zack Powell
22:21 Mar 04, 2023

What a fun direction to take this prompt! Equating a cat shelter to a maximum security prison? Writing the strays animals as inmates? Yeah, I really enjoy this setup. It's a clever bait-and-switch, too. Had I not seen the prompt beforehand, like if this had been in a short story collection or an anthology or something, I would've thought this was a completely different kind of narrative. And yet, there are a lot of clues that let you know the what/when/where of the situation, which is why this story succeeds. It's not being gimmicky for the...

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Michelle Oliver
22:30 Mar 04, 2023

Thank you for your feedback. I enjoyed writing about this tough Tom cat. As always your reviews are so thoughtful and deep. I’m glad the prison narrative didn’t come across as gimmicky. The line you picked was one of my favourite too. The idea that the child ad the cat were both missing something and perhaps they could connect through that .

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Zack Powell
17:05 Mar 10, 2023

Michelle! Huge congrats on the win! Wishing you many more. You're on fire with these stories. Keep it up!

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Michelle Oliver
01:11 Mar 11, 2023

Thank you!

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Jennifer Brown
15:57 Mar 04, 2023

I really loved this one. Mitzee is a gem and I love him. The way he's already trying to plan his escape at the end. Though surely once he's being spoiled and pampered he'll forget those plans.

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Michelle Oliver
22:36 Mar 04, 2023

Let’s hope Mitzee stays put, it really will be better for his health! Thanks for reading and I am glad you like the story

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21:12 Mar 03, 2023

Wow. That's all I can say. This is such a great story, I can't believe it!. Great Story:)

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Michelle Oliver
22:31 Mar 03, 2023

Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

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Sophia Gavasheli
17:47 Mar 02, 2023

Oh, this was cute! I love how Mitzee thinks that he's in a prison (which, he is) but from a human perspective, it's funny because we don't see cat shelters as prisons. I feel like Snow and Mitzee really spring off the page as characters, and their escapades were particularly entertaining. And of course, the heartwarming moment where Mitzee and a human bond (sort of). Maybe he'll grow to like her and won't try to escape... My favorite lines: - "If looks could kill, there would be no one left alive in this joint." - "Butter wouldn’t melt in ...

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Michelle Oliver
21:58 Mar 02, 2023

Thanks for reading it and I’m glad you enjoyed the characters. They were definitely little scamps.

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Kerry Batchelder
03:30 Feb 28, 2023

I really enjoyed your story. Great description and what an element of surprise at the end. I love the last sentence which fully describes Mittzee’s outlook on being held captive.

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Michelle Oliver
10:59 Feb 28, 2023

Thanks Kerry, I had fun with Mitzee. I’m happy you enjoyed it.

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Shirley Medhurst
14:29 Feb 27, 2023

I loved your story. Great main character with vivid voice & astute observations. I especially liked this bit: "she wound herself sinuously into convoluted dance steps that were designed to hypnotise and mesmerise the audience. Captive became captor, and soon Snow was free."

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Michelle Oliver
11:00 Feb 28, 2023

Thanks Shirley, I’m glad you enjoyed it.

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Kevin V
18:52 Feb 26, 2023

I really liked this a lot, Michelle. Very clever. I'm no authority on cats by any means, but I've seen them on TV and Mitzee is very believable as a hard-bitten (literally, I suppose) tomcat from the streets who's spent a fair share of his time doing...well...time. Loved the use of the little girl as a kindred soul drawn to him because of their mutual different-ness (does that pass for a word). Lighthearted and a bit touching. Thank you for a fun read. A contender for this prompt I bet!

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Michelle Oliver
22:19 Feb 26, 2023

Thanks KV. I had lots of fun with this set of prompts. Glad you enjoyed the story

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Calm Shark
18:40 Feb 26, 2023

Hi Michelle! After reading your other story, I was surprised to see this one. I loved the nice ending here. It saddens me to see animals in shelters due to how imprisoned they are and are deprived of the outside world a bit, but I loved how MItzee met his match!(Hope the other cats get owners as well.)

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Michelle Oliver
22:21 Feb 26, 2023

Yeah, two for one this week! I don’t even know which one is my favourite! Thanks for giving them both a read and taking the time to leave a comment. Hopefully Mitzee stays put with this owner, but somehow, I think not.

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Calm Shark
22:52 Feb 26, 2023

Honestly, I've been lazy reading other people's stories so I'm trying to read as many stories as I can since I love reading what other people have written. Gives me inspiration:)

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LEVI WOOD
20:46 Mar 05, 2023

In that case...#PleaSeREadmYStorY

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20:48 Aug 31, 2023

https://taplink.cc/tgotery <3 goo ::>>

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Abhishek Todmal
10:47 May 02, 2023

Hey, Michelle! This was a lovely, sweet, and very well-written read, if I may say so :) I'm not versed in the ways of our feline fellow-creatures, though sense they are much more cunning than their seemingly inherent lazy spines would betray them of. I'm sure Mitzee ought have made the 'escape', though can't help but feel that the warmth of a home would appeal to him in due-course, not least the unsubtle, outward affections of his kind patron :) Well done, and I wish you the very best moving onwards too!

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Michelle Oliver
14:10 May 02, 2023

Thank you for taking the time to read it, and I am happy that you enjoyed the story.

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