Icing on the cake

Time heals all wounds, which is a true statement. But also I think you just get stronger to handle some wounds. 

Emotions are one of those wounds that do not go away unless you feel them out and learn to handle them, hence why I say you get stronger. Because you learn to deal with them better. 

They also say the truth hurts but lies are worse. That is also defiantly true. 

I had a partner once who would do nothing but lie to me. I saw the good in him and hoped he would change. 

I was wrong. He even lied about dying, he told me everything was okay, that he was healthy. This was a few years ago I am over it all now, but at the time it really left a wound. 

So to me he passed suddenly. Just disappeared out of the blue. I don't even know what he died from. To be honest I didn't want to know. It would've just been another lie breaching the surface. 

I wallowed in it for almost a year. Questioning everything and everyone if he was really dead. But after that initial year it finally hit me. People don't just fake their death, he was really gone. 

Some people say it was for the best, he wasn't healthy for me. I still thought otherwise, I mean no one deserves to just die it’s not fair. No matter the wrong they do there is always a chance for hope that they can change and do better. 

But that is just me, everyone has a right to their opinions. I think I still miss him. I could only imagine if he were to just walk through my door again saying it was just another lie to add to the list. I would be so mad, but also thankful.

It’s weird that I think he is lying and hiding away, I guess I never got over the lies so I don’t trust the truth anymore  

I haven’t tried to find another partner. I almost feel like it would be offensive to him. Maybe I should try change that then I won’t dwell on this. Maybe the universe is sending me a sign to get back into the game. I chuckle a bit to myself coming to that realization.

I reach across from me to my phone and opened up the app store. 

My friend met her fiancé on Tinder, a start would be trying that I suppose. 

After waiting for it to download I make an account and start setting up my profile. 

“Damn this is actually more difficult than it seems.” I muttered to myself. 

What photos am I even supposed to use? And how many? I don’t even want to think about the bio aspect of it right now. I pause from my thoughts noticing how they changed and how I feel a bit of nervous excitement bubbling up within me. I grin and release the stress about choosing photos and bio writing. “This can just be a game. Nothing serious, just some fun to distract myself... and maybe find someone special.” 

The idea of judging people by their chosen photos and well thought about description of their good traits is a bit odd to me but I can understand we live in new era where online is the new ‘thing’ it’s just odd to me. 

Nevertheless I was quite enjoying laughing at peoples whacky pictures and cheeky bios. 

After a few weeks past of being ghosted, asked for pictures or explicit activities, dead end chats, and decent conversations I finally find a gem of a man to go on a date with me. 

So I put on a classy but not to fancy as it is only a dinner date. I played around with my hair in the mirror as I thought to myself how much relief but also anxiety I have right now. I take a deep breath and proceed to walk out the house and head to the date. 

As I waited outside of the restaurant I quickly pulled out my phone to swipe through my dates photos again so I could recognize him better when I see him. A ding from my phone caught my attention. My date messaged me saying he is running a bit late and apologised for the inconvenience. I praised the gods to that. It now gives me time to settle down. The past few weeks have been really good for me. I stopped dwelling on the past and worrying so much about things I shouldn’t be worried about. 

I felt my peace flood my body. 

Until I locked eyes with a stranger across the street. For a moment I believed it was my date and waved him over smiling wildly. But as I continued to focus my attention on him, my heart skipped a beat. Any peace in my body floated away as chaos started to overwhelm me. Thoughts started to rush back leaving me breathless. I started to sweat and shake, not believing who I saw. 

I watched him twist his head side to side to look for oncoming traffic trying to cross the street. 

This made my panic elevate to fear and even more disbelief. 

There was no one way possible that the man who was declared dead was standing across the street from me. But as he was crossing the street inching closer to me and becoming more familiar. I truly couldn’t help but believe it had to be him. Then he stood only an arms reach away from me.

 His smell, his features, everything.... there was no doubt it was him. 

“Heya!” He said proudly with a smug but also awkward look on his face, knowing the situation was questionable. 

His voice, his eyes, his facial expressions. 

“This tops the cake “ I unconsciously blurted out, feeling all the emotions of distrust, hurt, belief, relief. It felt like every emotion was brewing inside me at once. 

“Out of all the lies!” I then yelled, tears welling in my eyes. 

He started to shuffle awkwardly waiting for a screaming match and flying fists.

But instead I just fell to the ground sobbing. “This... this.. just isn’t true... this is just another lie.” I sobbed. 

He knelt down in front of me and put his hand on my shoulder for comfort. “I’m sorry.” He muttered genuinely before disappearing back into the street. 

I heard my name get called out. Still on the ground I looked up to see my Tinder date looking over me concerned. “Hey are you okay?” he asked crouching to my level. 

I looked around me unaware that the ghost or real ex partner had gone. “Uh... y..yeah, just saw a ghost.” I studded as he helped me to my feet. “Oh!?” He chuckled. “Didn’t know you believed in that sorta thing. You’re not one of those psychics that can read my mind right?” He joked. 

The date was quiet on my end, I couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. If it was a ghost, well figment of my imagination, or real. Thankfully my date was a talker. He didn’t even notice my silent thinking he just happily talked away about all his achievements.

By the end of the night, my date crossed the sober line and needed a cab home and I finally stopped myself thinking of what happened before the date. He began somewhat sleazy trying to convince me to spend the rest of the night with him, he even threw in a breakfast to attempt to sweeten the deal. I declined his many pleads. He finally gave up and came in for a hug goodnight. As he held me I felt his hands try to wonder up my dress. Before I could even react to it a fist came from the side of me and planted itself straight into his nose. Knocking him to the ground. 

“Sorry... I wasn’t stalking you I swear.” I hear a familiar voice say while leading me away from the scene. I was more calm now, my brain was honestly over thinking anymore so I just accepted the present for what it was. I glanced back at my date and gave my ex a relieved smile. “Thanks.” I muttered. 

After briskly walking a few blocks away we ended up sitting at a dimly lit park. Gently swinging on the swing I sat silently staring at my ex who was feeling obliviously awkward. 

“So you’re not a ghost.” I finally stated. “No, don’t think I could’ve knocked someone out if I was.” He joked back. “Look I know there’s a lot to explain and apologize for, but it is late and I'm sure you’re exhausted. So I’ll take you home and go back to mine. From there....”

“I missed you.” I interrupted. “And I don’t care...” 

His face turned down, loosing the light in his eyes and I could see the weight piling onto him. 

“Just don’t leave again.” I said as I got up from the swing. He was lost for a split moment. Throwing his despair to the side we left together. 

Somehow I got what subconsciously hoped for. After a long story, lots of apologizes, some time and proof of change. Things worked out for us in the end.