Kindred Connection

“This is where we are having Thanksgiving?! Are you kidding me?!” screeched Tessa.

It was as if someone had her drink a cup of dark coffee with five tablespoons of mustard in it. Her face was contorted in horror and abhorrence to the situation presented in front of her. Why can’t we just have Thanksgiving at home? Or maybe Conrad should just have Thanksgiving here with Jenny? Then Mom and I can have Thanksgiving like we usually do with Grandma and Grandpa. 

Tessa knew,of course, that this wasn’t going to happen. Her mother was trying to push everyone to get along and be one big happy family. But, Tessa just couldn’t. Conrad tries too hard and she had barely spoken with Jenny before she got sick. Even at the wedding a month earlier, Tessa and Jenny had monosyllabic conversations consisting of “Hi.”, “How are you?”, “Good.”,  “Cool.”, and “Bye.” 

What had her mother expected her to do? She had only met Jenny about five times before this. Conrad shared custody of Jenny with his ex-wife. However, Jenny’s biological mother had been arrested a few weeks after Conrad’s and Tessa’s mother’s wedding ceremony. Conrad was awarded guardianship of Jenny and moved in with him while her mother served her six months in prison. 

Both twelve-year-old girls had reluctantly sat by each other in boxy, orange dresses during the service. Tessa’s mother had been so full of joy as she exchanged vows and rings with Conrad. Tessa had wanted so badly to be happy for her mother, but everything in her was a whirlpool of chagrin and numbness. 

Then later that night at the reception, Jenny collapsed during a dance with Conrad. The atmosphere of merriment quickly dissolved into confusion and terror. Tessa had frozen into a glacier as she stared at the chaos occurring around her. Red and blue flashed in her mind and memories of five years ago repeated over and over. Her mother and Conrad were on the ground screaming Jenny’s name in desperation. Tessa tried to push herself to help, but she just couldn’t. Whenever she glanced over at Jenny, she saw her father instead.

The celebration was cut short as Tessa’s mom and Conrad climbed into the ambulance with Jenny. Tessa was left alone with her grandmother and grandfather that night. She had waited nervously for her mother and Conrad to call her or grandparents to at least say what was happening or make sure that Tessa was ok. But, the call never came and her grandparents ended up playing phone tag with their daughter. Finally, her mother and Conrad had picked up and Tessa had thrown up all over grandmother’s rug when she had heard the news.

Jenny’s heart had stopped three times that night. The first time was in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Luckily, they were able to use the paddles to jump start her heart again. But, then it had ceased to function two more times in the emergency room and Jenny’s hospital room after she had been admitted for testing. Tessa’s mother and Conrad had been so consumed with Jenny and forgotten about everything else. 

Then the doctors had sat her mother and stepfather down to inform them about the terrible results of the tests. Jenny had been born with a congenital heart condition where there were problems with the valves in her heart not working correctly. They weren’t exactly sure why Jenny hadn’t had problems with this beforehand, but one of the doctors thought maybe it was stressed induced. The young girl had just got through a lot of life altering situations and hadn’t really expressed any emotion as to how she felt about it. It was possible that she had been locking her feelings away just like Tessa had been doing also. 

Tessa’s mother and Conrad had been devastated to learn that the damage to Jenny’s heart was too severe and she would need a heart transplant in order to survive. Jenny was put on the donor wait list and had been in the hospital ever since the wedding night. 

Now Tessa gazed warily at the brick building in front of her and felt the same familiar nausea rearing its ugly head in her stomach. I hate hospitals. Mom knows that. Why are we here? Yes, she felt bad for Jenny, but Conrad could stay here with her. Her mom and her didn’t need to be here too. This place only made her think of the fact that she returned to her home and her father did not.

Tessa’s mother chided Tessa in a disapproving voice,”Yes, we are all having Thanksgiving here. Your grandma and grandpa are already here. We will all be together to give thanks and be a family.”

Tessa wanted to round her eyes, but she was barely keeping the contents of her stomach in her. Conrad must have noticed, but he glanced back at Tessa and inquired in a concerned tone,” Hey, Tessa, are you feeling OK? Maggie, maybe this isn’t a good idea after all. She is looking pretty green back there.”

Tessa’s cheeks burned to match the stop sign at the end of the block and she looked down at the car’s carpet and mumbled,”I’m fine. I’ll be fine. Let’s just go.”

In a matter of seconds, it appeared that a whole conversation occurred silently between Tessa’s mother Maggie and Conrad. Her stepfather suggested patiently,” Maggie, could you check on Jenny and see if the dinner has been delivered to her room? I’ll stay with Tessa until she is feeling well enough to go in.”

Maggie gave her husband a look of gratitude and replied,” Ok, I’ll see if mom and dad have made it here too. Just don’t stay out here too long. It is a cold night.”

Tessa watched her mother grab her purse and get out of the car to walk through the hospital doors. She tried to make herself move her legs to follow her, but the only thing that she could do was pull up her knees and huddle on the backseat. Why did Conrad stay here? 

She murmured slowly,” You don’t have to stay here, Conrad. You should go see your daughter.”

Conrad gave her a bittersweet smile. She knew that he wanted her to call him “Dad”, but she couldn’t do it. Not yet at least.

“Maggie will check on her for us. Right now I want to make sure that my other daughter is also ok.”

Tessa tensed up. It had always felt strange every time that Conrad had said something like this. She begged,”Please don’t call me that. I’m not your daughter.”

Her stepfather sighed. “I guess you are right. Maybe not by blood. But, I still love you all the same, Tessa.”

Tessa didn’t know what to say. She knew that she called for Conrad. But did she love him? She didn’t know. Also, what about her own father?

Both of them sat in silence for about three minutes before Conrad spoke again. “You are thinking about your dad aren’t you?”

Tessa didn’t meet his eyes, but nodded into her knees. Conrad knew everything about what happened with Tessa’s father. The months of remission and the years of relapse. All of the surgeries and medications that changed his appearance so drastically that there were times that Tessa couldn’t even recognize him. 

Then there was her last goodbye with her father where she hadn’t realized it would be their final farewell. It had been a day like any other where Tessa had woken up early and shared a breakfast with her father before going to school. They hugged and kissed each other and her father reminded her to get her book bag and the bus was coming soon. Tessa had left in the house in a rush, but still said goodbye and see you later to her father. Later that afternoon, he had passed away in his sleep.

Tessa had always regretted how she had said goodbye, but not that she loved her father. Had she known? She would never know.

Tessa was jolted back to reality with Conrad’s soft voice asking her,” Have I ever told you about my mom and dad?”

Tessa blinked and thought about his question. Yes, he had talked about his parents several times to her and she had met them at the wedding. She said quietly,”Yeah, I mean I have met them in person.”

She wondered what this had to do with anything.

Then Conrad told her almost secretly,” Well, they aren’t actually my real parents.”

Tessa’s eyes shot up and stared at Conrad in shock,”Wait, what are you talking about?”

Conrad grinned because he knew that he had Tessa’s attention. “My biological parents died when I was extremely young. I think I was either one or two years old at the time.”

Tessa pressed him for more details. Conrad had never told her this information before. “What happened to them if you don’t mind me asking?”

Conrad shut his eyes and seemed to be blinking back tears. “I was told that it was an accident. Something started their house on fire and they both perished in it because they were trying to get me out of the house to safety.”

Tessa’s mouth hung open in disbelief and sadness. “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry to hear. “

Conrad waved his hand at her. “It’s ok. This is something that I have been dealing with all my life.”

Tessa still felt guilty. Shouldn’t she even ask him more questions? She didn’t have to, because Conrad continued to explain his story to her. 

“My adoptive parents are actually my father’s best friends and neighbors. They had known each other over twenty years and were there the night of the fire as well. My father broke through a burning door in order to take me from my mother’s arms before a beam fell on her.” Conrad recalled as he looked off into the distance.

Tessa put her hand to her mouth and really didn’t know what to say to Conrad. He was adopted. His parents weren’t really his parents either. He was actually more like her than she originally thought.

Tessa asked lightly,”Does mom know about this?”

Conrad shook his head. “To be honest, I haven’t really talked about this with many people aside from you and Jenny.”

Tessa cocked her head at him in confusion. “How come?”

Conrad was silent for some seconds while he mused and then replied to Jenny “Well, to be honest, after a while, I realized these people are my mom and dad and always have been. We don’t need to be related by blood in order for me to love them.”

Tessa inwardly agreed with these reasons as well. She had said these things to herself too. But, still, what about her father?

Conrad admitted,”But, also, I never forgot my real parents either. My adoptive parents would show me pictures, videos, and tell her stories about them as I grew up. I know that they weren’t really there, but I still felt a connection to them anyhow.”

Tessa found herself talking without realizing it. “I know that my dad isn’t really gone either. But, what about if I start to forget him? What if I can’t remember his voice or what he looked like? What if I wake up someday and I don’t even recall what his name was?”

Conrad reached across the seat and put a comforting hand on Tessa’s shaking ones. “You won’t, You can write your memories of him down. You can learn his favorite songs and watch his favorite movies. As long as you try, he will live on through you.”

Tears began to well up in Tessa’s eyes as she understood what Conrad was telling her. She could still keep her old memories of father while sharing them with others. 

Suddenly, she unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the car door. Conrad blinked his eyes in confusion and inquired,”Are you ok? Where are you going?”

Tessa responded with purpose,”Let’s not keep Jenny, mom, grandma, and grandpa waiting. We have dinner to share with each other. I want to spend as much time with my family as possible.”

Tessa yanked open Conrad’s door and took him by the hand,”Also, I want to create memories with my new father and sister. We can’t do that unless everyone is there. We are all family now, after all."