Diaries Are a Girl's Best Friend

Dear Diary,

Growing up I had best friends in elementary and middle school...high school, not so much. Now that I am in my adult life, only a couple of years away from 30, I've realized that best friends don't necessarily have to be people, they can also be journals. I mean who better to hold your secrets better than a journal! So, I've decided to take up journaling. While having a best friend to talk to and hang out with are great, sometimes you just need to vent and may not feel comfortable telling even your best friend. Some things you take to the grave, ya know? Well, now couldn't have been a better time to take up journaling because I have something major to get off my chest, and I think I may have to take this one to the

grave!

The thing is, my now, best friend, Brandy, has been my bestie for many years now, she's practically my sister. We grew up in the same neighborhood, so our families are really close! We even have monthly family dinners where both of our families meet up at either my parents or her parents’ house and we all sit down like one big family and have dinner! Our family dinner this month is in a couple of days. I'm not really looking forward to this dinner because I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant! You would think this is exciting news! To an extent it is! I wasn’t even sure if I could get pregnant and now, I am! Brandy and I used to talk about the day we both would get pregnant at the same time and have our babies grow up together. Although she will be excited to learn that she will be an aunt, she will never forgive me when she finds out who the father is. I'm not even sure if I have enough courage to tell her. I haven't seen Brandy in about a year due to both of us leading busy lives in adulthood, but the last time I spoke to her, she said she was bringing her new fiancé to dinner this month.

The fiancé part is supposed to be a surprise for everyone at the dinner, but she always tells me before she announces something big to the family. As exciting as the news is of Brandy having someone special in her life, the guilt of something else I've done devours me from within.

A while ago, I went out with some co-workers and met this guy. We had a one-night stand and that was the end of it...or so I thought. When I recently spoke with Brandy and she told me about her new beau, she sent me a picture of him and ironically it is my one-night stand guy! Thing is, he could potentially be the father of my child.

But that is only half of the grueling truth. The other half is, I've been seeing someone else, someone who could also potentially be the father of my child. I'm not completely sure what I should do. I mean, I've wanted to have a child for the longest time, and I don't want to give up my chance, especially since I'm so close to 30! But I'm afraid of my entire life being blown up.

Around the same time, I went out and had my one-night stand, I slept with someone else, the other guy I've kind of been seeing. We had a fight earlier that day and I decided to go out with co-workers to take my mind off the disagreement. I'm ashamed to say that the guy I've been seeing is married and we've been having an affair for the past 6 months. The affair took me by surprise, I never thought I’d be the one to mess around with a married man. Not only would my parents be disappointed in me, Brandy would too. She takes commitment and marriage very seriously. I just know she will look at me and treat me different if I told her I was messing around with a married man. But in this case, the repercussions of my actions may take its toll and I’m not sure what will happen.

Now, I have to break the news to two different men, who of which has the potential to shatter my relationships with the people I am closest to, in my life. I'm torn between putting it all on the table at the family dinner or just getting an abortion.

Oh no. I just got a text from Brandy as I am writing this very moment. Remember how I told you, she always tells me big surprises that she will be announcing at the family dinner? Well, now it seems our younger aspirations are coming true…she’s pregnant too. This can’t be happening. This is not how it is supposed to go. I feel dizzy and my stomach is turning. Should I tell her I am pregnant too? No, I need to keep this under wraps until I know for sure what I am going to do. How could I have been so stupid and reckless? Everyone is going to hate me! If I keep the baby, I feel like my life will fall apart and I won’t have all of the people there I would like to be there to support me. But if I don’t keep the baby, I will be giving up what could be my only chance to have a baby. Either way, I have a lot to think about and not much time to come to a conclusion on what I want to do. But I need to come up with an answer fast because come the night of the family dinner, they both will know, and Brandy will not only be losing a close friend, but she could also lose her fiancé and possibly, even her father.

This is why I've opted to turn to journaling. I haven't really been able to keep best friends because somehow, someway I always end up with their men, shattering the foundation of the friendship. But I'm confident this friendship with you will last.

Signing off,

Your new best friend