How Are You?

Andre asked his three-year-old brother, Tony, “What game should we teach her first?”

“Uhm… Old Maid?”

The boys were talking about Melody, their soon to be born little sister.

“That might work. She’ll be little though. Maybe can’t hold cards for a while…”

Being five, Andre had more perspective.

Mrs. Daugherty, the boy’s sitter met their parents, Bud and Desiree, at the door.

She looked concerned. “How are you?”

Desiree looked down. “Not good…”

The boys yelled and ran to hug their parents. “Mommy! We missed you!”

Bud said, “Hey guys… Your mom’s tired. Time for bed. Brush your teeth. Okay?”

Shouting, they ran to their room.

Mrs. Daugherty embraced the young mother. “I’m so sorry… If there’s anything I can do…”

Bud handed her a check. “Thanks for stepping up on such a short notice.”

The sitter nodded. “Call me any time… Always available... Kids are fed.”

Sliding her hand along the wall, Desiree walked to their bedroom. Bud helped the sitter with her coat and secured the door behind her.

He tucked the boys into their beds and kissed them goodnight.

Tony asked, “Can I call her Cindy? I like ‘Cindy’ better.”

“Who?”

“The baby, Dad. Who else?”

“I think she’ll always be Melody, kid.”

The next morning, Bud got the kids up and dressed. He took a day off work, so Desiree could rest. He knew she hadn’t slept.

“Who wants pancakes?”

The boys cheered. Bud made stacks of fluffy cakes for the kids. They wolfed everything and asked for more.

When their cartoon show ended, he shut off the TV. The boys protested.

Bud held up his hand for silence. “Enough TV. There’s more to life than TV. This will be fun.”

“I’m bored. What’s there to do?”

Bud pointed to the kitchen table, covered with crayons, paper and pencils. “Let’s do some art.”

They ran to the table and began drawing.

Later that morning, their neighbor, Miriam rang the bell. Bud opened the door, and she handed him two casseroles.

“Made fresh this morning. Freeze one and warm the other.”

Bud took them and nodded. “Thanks, Miriam… Want to come in?”

“No. That’s okay. Desiree doesn’t need company right now.”

Desiree peeked around the door.

Miriam’s face lit up. “Desiree! Hi! I brought these for the family. How are you?”

Desiree stared. “Beat. And beat up.”

Miriam made a face. “Buck up, kid. You’re young. You’ll snap back… Well, don’t want to be a pest…”

Bud and Desiree waved as she moved down the walk. Bud balanced the casseroles and shut the door.

He found Desiree on the bed.

“Hungry?”

“Would you make some toast?”

“Sure. That all?”

“For now...” She looked at him. “Can’t eat casseroles. Think of something for dinner.”

All day, neighbors and friends delivered a variety of casseroles. Disposable tin pans jammed the refrigerator and freezer.

Everyone asked, “How are you?” Or “How is she?”

Thankfully, Bud was there to receive them. He told everyone Desiree was resting.

Dave, the Pastor from their church came by. He didn’t ask Desiree how she was. He knew. They sat for an hour. He said he would listen if she wanted to talk. She appreciated the silence.

Bud gave him two casseroles when he left.

Between visitors and keeping the kids occupied, Bud had his hands full. He didn’t know how Desiree managed it every day. He’d never appreciated TV so much.

Bud checked on Desiree, lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

He said, “You thinking about dinner?”

“How about a margarita pizza?”

“Cool. I’m going to the store. I’ll pick one up to go.”

“And beer?”

“You don’t like beer.”

“I feel like one. That a crime?”

“Not at all. Beer it is…”

Desiree said, “Tony said he likes the name Cindy better than Melody.”

Bud groaned. “They’re making you crazy. We need to explain things to them.”

“What can I tell them…? How do I tell them what I can’t admit to myself?”

“It’s beyond understanding…”

“I can’t say it. I can’t sleep. I haven’t even cried.”

Bud said, “It’s a shock. From nowhere…”

“The doctor said, in a few months I can try again.”

“We’ll take our time, babe…”

She couldn’t speak. He touched her hand.

“What?”

She whispered, “Is this ‘practice makes perfect’?”

“No…”

“Try, try again? Turn to another puzzle? A sandcastle at the beach?”

He shook his head and looked down.

Desiree stared off. “This was my Melody. I knew her. We talked.” She dabbed her eyes. “I can’t ‘try again...’ She’s gone.”

“I know…”

They sat in silence. Bud held her hand. Desiree moved against her pillows.

“You need rest. I’ll do the shopping. Pizza coming up. Need anything else?”

He showed her his list. She nodded.

“Can you take them with you?”

“Sure… You’ll be alright?”

“Need some peace, babe. Some space…”

“Anything…”

He kissed her. “Love you…”

After selecting a few magazines and a book, Desiree returned to their room. She hoped to sleep but wanted to, at least, try something productive. The week had been awful.

Bud herded the kids to the car and secured their safety belts. Pulling into traffic, he turned on the radio and got the boys to sing along. There was more laughing than singing.

At the store, Bud placed Tony into the cart. He maneuvered with his arms extended to avoid the boy’s kicking feet.

Andre ran ahead. He knew Bud’s rule. Stop at all intersections – sidewalks, streets and store aisles.

Checking off the list didn’t take long. But the boys wanted to explore the baby section.

Bud said, “We’re good with that, kids. Melody doesn’t need a thing…”

He turned down the next aisle toward checkout and stopped too late.

Toys…

Desiree sat on her bed and arranged things so she could sit and read or just sit. She switched on the bedside light. With a flash, the bulb went dark.

‘Always something…’ she sighed.

She retrieved a fresh bulb from the shelf down the basement staircase. Returning to the lamp, she unscrewed the dead bulb and, avoiding a shock, replaced it. Hearing the metal squeak, she tightened the new bulb until it flickered to life.

Desiree cradled the burned-out bulb in her palm and walked it out to the recycle bin. Holding the cool glass orb, a profound sadness welled up. She couldn’t suppress it any longer. Leaning against the wall and clutching the bulb, she wept in sorrow. She feared it would never stop.

When her tears subsided, she placed the bulb gently on some rags and, exhausted, returned to her room.

Desiree awoke to the commotion after the kitchen door slammed. The boys chattered nonstop.

Bud called out, “We’re home! Pizza!”

Desiree made her way out to greet them.

Stowing groceries, Bud looked up and asked, “How are you?”

Suppressing her frustration, Desiree held her hands up to her face. “I wish people would please stop asking me that. I feel like crap. Okay?”

Andre said, “Oooh! Mommy said a poopy word.”

Giggling, Tony said, “Daddy bought us a game, Mommy. Melody can play too.”

He pulled the box from a shopping bag and held it up.

She took it from the boy. “Go, wash up for dinner, guys.”

The boys ran out.

Desiree shook the package in Bud’s direction and threw it to the floor.

“Are you kidding?”

Bud didn’t get it. “It’s a diversion. Something besides TV.”

“Earth to Bud… What are you thinking?”

“Wait, this isn’t about the toy. What’s going on?”

Her kick sent the box spinning. It came to a rest. Its zany colors demanded attention.

“Bud…‘Baby Bowling’?”

His defensiveness changed to abject horror.

“What…? Oh no. No…! I’m so sorry, Des.”

“The boys can’t read. But you can. What…?”

“They handed it to me. Didn’t think.” He jammed the package into the shopping bag. “It’s gone. Won’t see it again.”

Mumbling, “Can’t believe I did that…” He ran the bag out to the trash.

Desiree stood, helpless in the face of the emotional and physical onslaught. She knew what she had to do.

Bud found her cuddling with Andre and Tony in their room.

When he entered, she squeezed them and kissed the tops of their heads. He sat on the bed with them.

She said, “Guys, I need to tell you about Melody.”

Andre said, “When will she get here?”

Tony said, “You’re not fat anymore…”

“That’s what I need to tell you. Your sister, Melody, won’t be living with us… She’s in heaven now.”

“Oh…”

They looked sad and snuggled against their mother.

Tony said, “I miss her. I want to be with Melody. Can I go to heaven too?”

She hugged her sons and looked at Bud with shining eyes.

“Someday, kiddo. Not yet. I want you here with me. I need you. Don’t rush off. Okay?”

“Okay, Mommy…”

Holding them close, she kissed them again. Bud dried his eyes and gave her his handkerchief.

She squeezed his hand, and he looked up.

Desiree said, “How are you?”

Seeing her mischievous look, he hugged her. Laughing together felt good.