I Changed My Mind

“We’re running out of time.” the man whispered.

“I know.” I whispered back.

A choice that would change my life was being rushed by a man with no significance. Assinine if you’d ask me.

He scooched his body towards me and said, “now.”

“Fine, I pick the bird.” I said and pointed to it.

A shark, squid, moth, and a bird. They were all there. Representing the transformations that I would have to go through depending on the creature I picked.

“Step into the pod.” the man commanded.

Reluctantly, I placed myself into it. The inside was soft and smooth yet the outside was the toughest material on earth. Course circles and vines no one could break sheltered me from the outside world. There was a small diamond shape that showed me the skies of my city. Black fog always covered the sun but the pollution stained the clouds anyways. Purple and orange cluttered the clouds, making our home look like a paradise. I gave a smile to say farewell then closed my eyes, awaiting the glory I was made for.

When I awoke chains were draped over me as if I was a placeholder for their needs. A woman started pressing buttons off to the side. She glanced up at me then back down to the paper, then back up. Probably processing me for the transformation. 

The doors clashed together as a large man walked in, “where is he? Where's the man of the hour?”

He saw me and his smile widened to a grin. The small woman ran to him with her clipboard. She pointed to things on the paper and kept glancing back up at him to see if he understood. The man nodded, quite pleased with her. 

“Boy, state your name.” he demanded.

“Cain.” I said loudly.

“I’m not deaf son, no need to shout,” he stated, clearly offended. “Cain, I hear you are a part of the Rossetti family?”

“Yes sir.” I said proudly. 

“Well, now you’re a part of this family. To get started I want to go over some rules with you. First is that you will endure pain in this process and you are to not harm anyone in this facility. If you do, we will take you out of the transformation and place you in a facility until you are ready to return. Secondly if at any point you wish to return, ring the bell to your left and you will be brought out.”

To the left of me was a desk, not a bell.

“Oh wait, I don't care if you want to get out! You’re staying in. This is a process, not a choice. Now if you’re ready we will start to prepare you for the transformation.” 

She struggled to place the oxygen mask around me. She kept making noises that were very agitating. I wanted to scream at her and replace her with someone who actually knew what they were doing. They cleansed me with a soap that stunk like the large man. Next came the scientists with their toys. As soon as their eyes laid on me it was like Christmas morning. So many greedy smiles. They arranged a cold jelly on specific parts of my body. Followed by over fifteen needles they jabbed into me. I grunted every time, trying not to move.

“Alright, I think that's it. We’ll begin the process in five minutes. And Cain, try to relax.” he announced, giving me a wink at the end.

I took in the terrible air and held it for four seconds then out four seconds. My dad taught me when to be tough and when to be scared. And when I was scared he made me count to four and let it all out. Slowly my mind eased. Focusing on the greatness that awaited.

Fire made its way into my veins. Ruthless pain tore its way through me, chewing me up and not even having the decency to throw me out. My scream quieted the room. No one was doing anything. Not one single person decided to help. They all stood there watching my knees give out, sweat pouring like rain. I whined like a baby. Slobber dripped down my neck as I let out another shrill. But the pain turned on me. It was no longer painful, it was powerful. Surging through my eyes, feeling it on the tip of my fingers. The pain turned into my deepest desire, pleasure. Without realizing it, I had been laughing. It was like I snapped back into reality yet my body didn't follow. I was stuck inside a body that wasn't my own. Increasing, the power started to become too much. Soon I felt as if I was a whale. Too huge for this world. In the background, the sharp searing pain started to creep up. It was back. My whole body flexed into a C shape. My chin faced the metal ceiling. Just when I thought my body was going to be seven pieces instead of one, darkness concealed me.

Rushing water slapped me awake. A gasp came out of my mouth as I rushed to pick myself off the ground. We were prepared for the test, but it seemed like all of my training was for waste. I stood by a river that ran down into the ominous forest. The sky was hoarded by gems that shimmered with beauty. In the distance, beyond the forest, were huge rocks shaped like a bird. In the center was something that my eyes couldn't see. But its light beckoned out to my soul.

“Who are you?” a squeaky voice said.

Alarmed, I quickly turned around with my hand on my hip. Nothing was on my hip. I shook my head in disappointment. That's when I saw a little boy. He stood a solid two feet high with a mushroom stuck in his mouth. 

“Who are you?” I replied.

The little boy scrunched his brows and sternly placed his hands on his hips, “who am I? I am Grover. Your guide through this process. Do I need to ask again?”

“Oh, my name is–”

“Cain, so nice to meet you.” an elegant voice called from the shadows. 

The brush danced as she came into the golden light. Dressed in black and decorated with gold. Her beauty outshined the sensory. 

“Meira! Stop distracting my human!” the boy whined.

“Stop being so clammy with the humans and maybe we wouldn't have this problem, now would we?” she barked back.

He stuck his tongue at her then continued to blabber in my face, “this way.”

The forest was a lot darker than I thought it would be. The sun was out, I had felt it. But the light did not touch the woods. Nothing did. Death was everywhere. No life, no plants, flowers, or animals. It was strange.

Eventually, the golden warmth of the sun made it's way back to us. And with it was a path, clean and alluring. When my foot reached the blooming grass music erupted. Trickling down into my spine. I shook to the melody while Meira and Grover walked, untouched by it. I brushed it off quickly as soon as I noticed they were far ahead. I focused on the ground to ensure I didn't bust my head open. So when I looked up, tears almost built up. 

“I know, it's gorgeous.” Meira gawked. 

Shapes of all kinds formed in stone built like a mountain. A triangle floated above a diamond and next to that was a circle with many cracks and bruises. There was a long way ahead of us but at least the view was good. 

Rocks kept hopping into my shoe. I would quickly bend down to pick them out and then scramble to my guides. But this time when I glanced back up to see where they were, Meira grabbed my chin and lifted it up.

“We’re here.” she excitedly said.

I noticed Grover was jumping up and down. I thought he was going to kill himself if he kept jumping. There were sharp rocks that could cut deep with only one mistake. But beyond that, there was a stunning oval building. Its light emerald green bedazzled the sky. Once we arrived there I noticed that the air smelled cleaner, fresh even. As if we had entered a whole new world. There were birds of all species flying around in the building. Some of them perched on the golden branches that touched the sky. And the others eventually flew to their leader. A woman sat on a throne, covered with color. It was molded like a bird, with wings coming out of the sides and expanding to the ceiling. 

“Cain, so nice to see you. Would you like to come closer? We must have a word.” her brittle voice announced. 

I nodded and came up to the throne. She lifted her hand when I was about five feet from her. She leaned in, as if she was going to whisper something in my ear. But instead, she grabbed my head with both hands. Immediately I felt that sharp searing pain come back to me. I started to scream in horrible pain. Shouting, “let me go.” 

The woman let go and said, “are you not the brave man who has come to take our dearest friend home?”

“What? No, I’m here to transform into Lux. The master of light–”

“Soul and power, yes I know.” the woman cut in. “I was the first. And now you are going to take the place of Cadoc.”

“Who’s he?”

“He is in Lux. Now, do you want to get started or are we going to continue to waste time?”

I moved towards her as she placed her bitterly cold hands on my face. Searing pain flooded back in, leaving no room for comfort. My brows touched each other in hopes of finding glory after suffering. I tuned the pain out and when I did, I saw a little girl. Her hair still was growing in. She wore white with a pink bow in the middle of her dress. She giggled the most amusing sound then motioned me to her. I took her hand. All of a sudden I saw my home. It seemed different. There was no smoke in the sky, no graves on the sides of the road, there were sky-high buildings with letters on it. But the girl tugged on my arm before I could read the words. She led me to the sea. For the first time, I saw it for what it really was. Dead fish and waste filled the sea in my memory, but this time there was nothing but clear blue water. I had always wanted to see it, but my father never let me. A quiet tear traveled its way down my face. 

“You don’t see it.” the girl said.

I gave her a confused expression and said, “yes I do. It’s the sea.”

“No, look closer.” she demanded.

Reluctantly I gazed back out to the sea. Searching for something I may have not noticed. Nothing really caught my eye until I started to turn back. That's when I saw something. A flash of light. My head followed it as it passed the glare of the sun. And when it did my eyes widened as I turned my back to it. Instantly my mind was set free from the sanity holding it captive. But a few slaps to the face and a motivational pep talk worked the trick. The girl pulled on my pants. I had forgotten she was there. Immediately I pulled her away from the sea and bent down to her level.

“You saw it before me. And you didn't scream or yell or run away. Why?” I gently asked.

She gave me a smile showing all her missing teeth, “because I’ve seen them for many years. Guiding transfers through. But you are the only one I’ve seen that reaction with. Not a lot of people have the guts to look at that. But you’re different.”

It was the way her smile reached from ear to ear. It bothered me why she wasn't disgusted by the bodies. People floated in the water like buoys out in the ocean. She treated them like that anyways. Her hand lifted to my waist, waiting for me to take hold of it. I refused to take her hand, stepping back into the tall grass. Her innocent smile flipped upside down. She started to cry and fell to her knees. My body lunged at her but my conscience stepped in just in time to step back again. Just as I thought that this was the end, a creature picked me up like prey with its talons and carried me to safety.

“What was that?” I asked the man.

“That was Mercator.” 

I opened my mouth to more questions but he spoke before I could.

“The bodies are all of those who have fallen for her tricks. She loves to play games.”

“And how do I know you aren't a game?” 

He chuckled at me for a moment before speaking again, “the way to Lux is down in that sea.”

I felt my brows raise as I gave him a puzzling look, “that one? The one you just pulled me away from?”

My head dropped to my hands. I noticed my shaky knees, they buckled as I tried to stand. I slapped myself to get the nerves out. Nothing scares a Rossetti. I thought. I took a deep breath and let it out, my journey was about to begin. 

Nausea consumed my stomach as I stood before the sea. Frozen corpses stared back at me. I continued to take off my shoes and socks, leaving my pants where they were. 

“You’re taking too long, go. Now!” he shouted.

Fear struck me like a clock, ringing through my body. I dove in. Ice cold water made my brain freeze. I guess it was a good thing though because once I got warm and my brain thawed, I was out in the middle of it. I glanced back to the man, he motioned down. I knew what he meant, I just didn't want to do it. I grabbed the air and forced it down my mouth and dove deeper. Darkness swallowed me whole, nothing was around for miles, or at least I couldn't see it. A flash of red caught my eye through the gazing light. Then the water around me played with my foot, then my back. Something was around me. Suddenly the creature took me down to the bottom. In panic, I tried to get away. Scratching the creature then punching at it, nothing worked. The thing shoved me into a cave. I started to lose air, my chest caved in as it longed for a breath again. My wish came true as I gulped the damp air. I coughed a tad bit and attempted to stand but my body gave up. I saw it. All of the colors imaginable consumed its wings, but its body was as black as night.

“You’ve come to take my place, Cain.” Lux said.

“Yes, I–I–oh uh–y-y”

“Come and take it, but only if you’re ready.” it said.

I stepped up to Lux, ready for my transition. But something caught my eye. Behind Lux was a wall of drawings. I looked up to one of the greatest beings in the whole world and walked away. There was a family with three children, happiness grew to their favor. The next drawing was of them again, but this time one of the children was gone. The one after it was the same until there was only one person left. It was the mother. I followed the stick figures into another part of the cave. Like a butterfly in its infant stage, the woman separated herself from the world. Until she found peace within tragedy. I couldn't make out the rest of the drawing, the darkness covered it. Lux stood behind me, reading the same thing I was. It brushed its wing out and a small light started to appear. I marveled at his glory. He motioned to the painting. It was him. It then dawned on me, the woman at the throne said she was the first. This was her story. 

Humility and honor, that’s what I was supposed to be striving for. Like a switch, my mind molded to the idea. 

“Strength doesn't come from fear, it comes from the deepest parts of who we are. Find that and you will become him.”

“I closed my eyes to find that small strain in me that wanted to be like my father and his name’s work. Then I shattered it. My skin tingled as I felt a warmth in my soul. Like two stars in the sky that stare at the earth, I opened my eyes to see the smallest little creature. I bent down to see what it was and when I got closer I realized who it was. Cadoc. I lifted my arm to see the most elegant wing. I was now the most powerful being in all of the world. But it wasn't the power or glory that felt good. The maturity and growth made a smile appear on my face. 

I flew above the mountains and soared above the dark trees. I tilted my head towards Grover and Meira. I looked down at the river that mocked me, now it bowed to me. Lux pulled me out of the paradise I was in and brought reality into picture. I danced in the clouded sky overlooking the world's turmoil.