Today I Will Wake Up

“Goal setting is so important, it helps to break the impossible tasks into possibilities. Write them down, have a plan, have a goal. Tick things off the list as you go. You will be surprised at how much you can achieve,” said my therapist to me.

“I know.” And I did know, I just never did it. But I will today.

Today I will:

1) wake up and I will get out of bed. I will do it without groaning or moaning. Nothing will hurt. I will be refreshed and rejuvenated. I will have energy to face the day. It will be a great day.

2) get dressed and I will look in the mirror and I will recognise the person looking back at me. She will be someone I know and love. Her hair will be brushed and face clean of makeup. Her teeth will be white and her eyes bright.

3) eat healthily all day. But first I will drink coffee, lots of coffee, strong and black and I will need two spoons of sugar. And maybe two whole cups of coffee just to start the day right. Then I will eat a cooked breakfast with eggs and tomatoes.

4) not drink wine from a tumbler, so the kids won’t know that I’m not drinking apple juice. I will drink water instead, and I will enjoy it. I will have it with ice and I will suck on those ice cubes, let them crunch up in my mouth and trickle down my throat.

5) take the kids to school and have them there on time, in their uniform, with their lunch packed. It will be a healthy lunch… fruits and salad with wholemeal bread for sandwiches. They might have yoghurt too, with a little ice pack to keep things fresh.

6) go shopping for groceries and I will not pass the liquor shop. Today I will spend every cent I have on fresh produce that makes good nutritious meals for growing children. I will not buy chocolate and chips, or coke and cream buns. I will look at the healthy eating pyramid and make sure that there is something from each of the food groups in my pantry and fridge.

7) clean the house from top to bottom. I will wash and dry all the dirty dishes, putting them away in the cupboards. I will wash the dirty clothes and peg them out to dry. The dirty bathroom and toilet will be scrubbed until it shines. I will clean out the fridge so that there is room for all the meals that I will make. I will sweep all the floors and take out the rubbish.

8) smile and enjoy my life. I will call up a friend and ask them over for coffee, or a freshly made low-fat, high-fibre baked treat that I will take out of the oven just as they arrive, so the house smells warm and inviting.

9) pick the kids up from school and take them to the playground where they can run and laugh, and I will laugh as I watch them. Then I will take them home to complete their homework, helping them with their math and spelling and reading. I will listen to their stories and ask them about their day as I prepare the evening meal.

10) read the children a story before bed then tuck them in with a goodnight kiss.

11) cleanse my face and apply night cream. I will brush and floss my teeth.

12) be grateful. I have a good life.

But first I must wake up and get out of bed. That’s the first challenge. Take it one step at a time. That’s what she said to do. Break it down into manageable steps.

Today I:

1) could barely open my eyes and the sunlight was like an arrow to my eyeballs as I staggered to the bathroom, bladder bursting.

2) frightened myself as I looked in the mirror. Who let the wild banshee in? She’s bloodshot and bedraggled, with bad breath.

3) had a pounding headache and willed it away with the last of the wine in a tumbler, so the kids wouldn’t know it wasn’t apple juice.

4) tossed down some painkillers with water straight from the tap. (After the wine. Even I know not to mix medicine and alcohol.)

5) lost the car keys, so the kids had to walk to school. The fresh air would do them good. I had nothing in the cupboard for lunch, so I pressed a few coins into their hand along with a nut bar that I found in the back of the pantry.

6) felt guilty for not having food for the kids’ lunches so I went to the shops. I still couldn’t find the keys, so I had to walk. Thankfully, it cleared my head a little, but it made me thirsty. I didn’t make it past the bottle shop.

7) put the wine into the fridge, it’s nicer cold. The fridge needed cleaning; it was growing something gross, and the bottles couldn’t fit in the shelves. I tossed everything in the bin. That was when I found the car keys in the vegetable crisper. Who put them there?

8) smiled because I found the keys. The kids wouldn’t have to walk home. I celebrated with a cold drink, and I even put it in a nice glass. The kids weren’t there to know it wasn’t apple juice.

9) drove to the school to pick the kids up. Not sure how I missed the turn, but the streets didn’t look the same as they used to. I got lost and tried to turn around. The car didn’t like it.

10) finally found the right road. It took me a little longer, but I got there not too long after school finished. My kids were the last ones, and they looked at me with those eyes that said too much, yet they spoke not a word as they hopped in.

11) didn’t make it home, neither did the kids. I never got to read them a bedtime story.