Holding tight and letting go on Chinquapin Creek

Rose stood in the cold water of the Chinquapin Creek in the shade of many ancient oaks. Looking at the picturesque dawning orange reflecting through the four windowed cupolae, the weather greened cast iron pelican carefully placed in the center, the ache in her heart turned to tears in her eyes.

As the morning was beginning to share the vibrant colors of the magnolia flowers, Rose’s mind let her imagine each petal floating wildly around her as if it were a snow globe-type spectacle. Her life felt like this most of the time since her father’s accident at Heard Island. Now on that hot June morning, the arrival of her sixteenth birthday less than twenty-four hours away had left Rose feeling a new type of pain deep in her heart.

Thinking back to her tenth birthday, the last festive occasion they had here on Chinquapin Creek. Olivia played the sound of silence on her harp as the morning light began to break. Everyone joined in singing out the words creating a magical welcoming to the day. Mom handed out necklaces of Crocus, Lily of the Valley, and Bluebells that added an aromatically sweet perfume to the fog fresh blossoming greenery around them.

Her father and Mr. Callaway were busy making a feast of fried chicken and sweet milk waffles with fresh warm maple syrup in the official grill corner they had set up two days before. Rose smiled at the thought of hearing the two of them singing out that morning. All the families there to celebrate the most important day of the year to Rose’s family. Now, as she stood looking at the silent bareness, Joe’s once bright blue truck parked in the grilling corner sinking into the soft ground.

Beth’s car was already gone for an early morning visit alone with dad at the Moonglow center. Eight days ago, the doctors had informed them that Joe’s days on earth were coming to an end, and Rose’s mom wanted to hold on to every moment she could. While Rose herself felt like he was already gone, she was seeing the shell of the man he once was.

Miss Amelia, who had been counseling Rose since they returned from Australia, told Rose it was okay that she felt the way she did. Even though there were times like now when she still had a hard time accepting the situation, the lingering anger was natural. The immense sadness of not having the moments of joy in her father’s arms, the longing for the adventurous daddy she had once known left her with a wild emptiness.

On the 14^th of June, Doctor Lucas ask for a moment to talk, informing them of his view of Joe’s decline. Rose felt like shouting, “let him go, he’s already gone!” But the look on her mother’s face made Rose’s words impossible to come out. It was almost the same fear combined with the more profound sadness of the day they got the call.

Ethan Taylor’s voice was like an echo forever replaying in her ears. She had handed the phone to her mom only to see her turn ghostly white, dropping to the floor. How quickly the young eleven-year-old Rose had to act like an adult. She took in all the information her mom would need from Ethan to get to her father in Australia how her mom had stopped—frozen with fear while Rose had mustered all the strength she could for her.

How suddenly as Ethan walked them into the hospital, it was like a switch was flipped. She saw more strength come from her at that moment than she’d ever seen, how the two of them stood on one side of her father’s bed as Doctor Ryan explained what he knew.

For some reason, Joe had been found under the water unconscious. They had been down there for about twenty minutes when Leonid, one of the other scientists, spotted him and pulled him to the ship. The coast guard airlifted him to Prince Of Wales Hospital. Enzo, the head of equipment operations, had gone over Joe’s gear and had gotten word to the hospital that he couldn’t find any malfunctions.

Blood tests and scans had been done and sounded like a blur of a foreign language to Rose until they said the word stroke. Even though she knew the word, she had a hard time understanding why her father was in the state he was in for the last five years. She had heard the doctors and nurses filling her mom and herself with hopes of a full recovery. Explaining how he most likely would not be able to go back to sea diving but how many people who have the type of stroke he had could relearn to talk, walk, even drive again.

As Rose turned to see her mom’s favorite patch of Daffodils, the delicate, vibrant yellow flowers that only lasted a couple of weeks made Rose think of the hopes they were filled with when they came home from Australia. She remembered walking through the sage garden as her mom talked with high hopes of dad crossing the bridge beginning his recovery. How she looked forward to walking and talking with him again.

She remembered the first meeting with Miss Amelia and was angry at her mom for having such high hopes. Even though Rose didn’t honestly believe her father was going to stay in the state he was in, she described her mother as having her head in the clouds.

They had flown home in early September. As they tried to bring some brightness to that first summer solstice and Rose’s birthday, everything around her felt so dark and disorientating. Miss Amelia hed let her know from the very beginning her feelings were normal. That she would go through an array of emotions every time there was a change.

As the waters of Chinquapin Creek lapped at her feet, the emotions flooded out of her eyes, giving everything she tried to focus on a blurring appearance. Beth would be home soon, and they would have a so-called typical morning breakfast, then they would be off. Rose would spend an hour with Miss Amelia then join her mother at Joe’s bedside.

On the morning of Rose’s birthday and the summer solstice, Rose pulled her covers tight over her head as she heard the predawn song of the early morning birds. Yesterday she had had such a deep longing for what once was, but today all she wanted to do was turn the world off.

Laying in her bed, doing her best not to want for the enjoyment she once had for this day, she began to hear a familiar sound. Olivia was playing I’ll Fly Away on her harp. Each note lifted her spirit as the words interpreted her hopes for her father.

Some bright morning, when his day did come, she had dreams there would be something special about it. To that home on God’s celestial shore, Rose imagined a great volcanic cloud. When it exploded, it spread infinite amounts of joy all over heavens people and the people still on earth. In the morning when I die, Hallelujah bye and bye I’ll fly away gave her the sense of familiar angels coming and lifting up her dad’s soul, taking him on a glorious journey to that sacred space.

Rose let the words flow in her heart as they pulled her to the window, where she could see that first tiny glimpse of sunrise orange breaking through the final piece of the night. When the shadows of this life have gone, Rose thought of her mom and how she needed to tell Joe it was okay if he was ready to go. Part of her wondered if her mom could let him go or was he hanging on for her?

Like a bird from these prison walls, Joes’ body appeared prison-like to Rose, and all she wanted even longed for in some sense was that he gained freedom from his body. Oh, how glad and happy when we meet made Rose remember her grandparents how sad her dad had been when they left their earthly bodies. She pictured a joyous reunion with the three of them doing a Canadian folk dance as they greeted one another.

Hearing her mom’s voice rising with the sun, "no more cold iron shackles on my feet," she realized her mom was ready to let him fly away too. It was then Rose joined in singing to the heavens the prayerful song she’d come to love. "Just a few more weary days, and then I’ll fly away." Rose silently asked God with those words to take her father home to a land where joys never end.  

As the song came to an end, Rose went rushing out to the creek into her mother’s arms. A great love mish moshed with a great sadness that somehow filled them both with joy for the dawning of a new day. That was the moment it felt like the air had been filled with fresh new magic.