I walked down the stairs and saw my mom with a luggage in her hand. " Mamma? Where are you going?" I asked.
My mother turned so fast. She looked like she just saw a zombie. I walked up to her and hugged her. Her eyes watered. She hugged me back but hesitated to say anything.
" Get out of here Brooke! We are over! Get out of my life!" My father yelled, throwing empty bottles at her.
My mother looked scared, she kissed my forehead and opened the door. She looked back at my father, who was sleeping on the couch. She sighed and whispered in my ear," Do not let him take over you. If he hurts you, call the number that is written on your pillow. I love you so much Emily."
She stepped out of the house and waved goodbye. The door closed. I walked to my father and asked when we are eating for dinner. He didn't answer me, I tapped his shoulder and asked again. My father grabbed me by the ear and yelled," You can starve I am going out."
She ran to her room and cried. She wondered what she did wrong, all she did was ask for food.
Emily sat up, awaking from her nightmare. Well it wasn't really a nightmare, because that was what happened the night her mother left. Emily missed her mother, and after all the years her father abused her, she never called the number. She knew it would be her mother's number.
" Emily, get up now. I don't have time for you," he said, eagerly.
Emily got out of her bed and put on a black hoodie and jeans. She brushed her hair and put it in a bun. She walked down the stairs to the dining room. She ate toast and eggs. Her father was trying not to drink. He asked Emily what she wanted for her birthday was for her dad to stop drinking.
" I have some exciting news," her father said, trying to be nice.
Emily turned her head and looked at him. She chewed her toast and eggs. The yolks of the eggs ran down her throat. She closed her eyes. She hadn't had eggs since her mother, and that was about 13 years ago.
" I got a promotion in work, but it requires us to move to Indiana. I started looking for houses and I bought one in a small city called Warsaw. The house has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms," he said, joyfully.
Emily looked at her father, angrily. She was mad, he had no right to just make her move like that. " Dad?! You can't make me move with you. I don't want to," she yelled.
Emily stomped up the stairs and yelled," I wish you never made mom leave!"
She slammed her door and bursted into tears. Her face was flooding with tears. There was a small knock on the door. " Go away Dad," she said, through her tears.
" Sweetie, we need to talk. You need to go with me. It will open up lots of new opportunities for you," he said.
" Get away from me Dad!" she yelled.
Emily sat in her room and cried for hours. She missed her mother more and more every second. Her dog barked at her door. She opened it up and let him in.
What do I tell Levi? What do I tell Cassie, Lydia, and Bridget? I can't just leave them. I will tell him tonight that I am not going to Indiana.
Emily had made her decision. She wanted to stay, she would live with her friends and find a job. She waited for her body to calm down before she would tell him.
She sat at the table sitting across from her father. He smiled and said," What would you like do drink?"
Emily sighed and said," Orange Juice."
Her father nodded and grabbed the orange juice. He poured her a drink and handed it to her.
" I am making Chicken, they are in the oven," he said.
She nodded and said," Dad, I have decided I am not going to Indiana with you. I want to stay here, with my friends."
Her father nodded and said," If that is your final choice. Then I support whatever you choose."
She scrunched her eyebrow. She didn't believe a word her father was telling her. She sipped her Orange Juice down fast. She gasped, because she drank too much Orange Juice.
She started to feel tired and dizzy. " Dad, I don't feel very good. My head is," Emily said.
Her eyes closed and she passed out.
I woke up on a cloud. I rubbed my head and looked around. Nobody was anywhere to be seen. " Hello? Is anyone there? Where am I?" I yelled. I heard a faint voice and saw an outline of a woman.
The woman walked towards me and I realized who it was. " Mom? What are you doing here?" I asked.
My mother smiled at me and hugged me. The faint smell of roses tickled my nose. " How have you been? You haven't called so I assume good?" she said kindly.
I shook my head and said," No, he wants me to move with him to Indiana. He has been abusing me for the past 13 years. I was just too scared to call you."
My mother rubbed my cheek and said," You should've called me. Now your father is waiting for you. You should wake up now."
I hugged her one last time and inhaled the scent of roses.
Emily woke up on a couch in a weird place. " Oh, I can't believe you are okay. I was worried sick," her father said.
" Where are we? This is not our house nor a hospital. Where are we?" she asked.
Her father stood up and rubbed his neck. " We might've moved to Indiana when you were asleep. It is a very nice town though. Get dressed, we will be driving around the town.
" We are going to a place called Rua for lunch," he said, joyfully.
She gasped and said," You drugged me! You wanted me to move out here so you put a sleepy drug in my Orange Juice and brought me here while I was sleeping."
She ran out of the house, as fast as she could. She didn't slow down, until her father was out of sight behind her. She had no money, no place to go, and no friends.
" Ma'am, are you okay? Do you need shelter?" a small voice asked.
I turned to see a woman in scrubs. She had blonde hair and blue eyes. " Yes, please ma'am," I said.
She brought me into her car and drove me to a house. It was a pretty nice-sized house. " I am Emily by the way. I am an Orphan," she lied.
" Oh, sweetie. I am so sorry. You can stay with us as long as you would like," she said.
I smiled and mouthed the words, thank you. She nodded and we walked in the front door. " Go to the top then turn left and your room is the first door," she said.
" Thank you so much," I said.
I walked up the stairs and turned right. I opened the first door and saw a blonde haired girl and some guy, making out. " Excuse me, but who are you? Why are you in my room?" she asked, rudely.
" Your mom told me to come up here," she said.
" The guest room is on the left, you idiot. Now get away from me, I have business to do," she said, laughing and kissing the boy.
I closed the door and walked to the other room and sighed.
~~~~~~ 2 months later ~~~~~~
I have been living with Melanie for 2 months now, and she hates me. Tonight, her mother told us we needed to bond and so we have to sleep in the same room.
Melanie sat down in her PJ's and texted someone. " What are you doing Melanie, your mom said bonding. Not texting Eric all night," I said sternly.
She rolled her eyes and put the phone down. We talked about gossip and tea for two hours.
I didn't normally like hanging out with Emily, because she was such a pest. But today, when we were talking about gossip. She actually was being pretty cool. I wanted to keep hanging out with her.
Was she becoming my friend? Did I want to be her friend? I think I do.
To be Continued...
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Hey, Ella! This is a wonderful start to a story. I like how you capitalized food names like Chicken and Orange Juice. Your editing is getting tighter, I can already tell you've been getting some good feedback from other authors. That being said, I have some feedback myself. :) 1.) You can definitely flesh out some parts of this story, like when the girl goes to live with a new family, or when the friendship between her and the other girl is kind of branching out. 2.) When using numbers, the only times you don't spell them out are using ca...
Thank you so much for the feedback. I will do all of these things and try to improve at them. I'm glad you liked my story.
Your 'plotline' was interesting. But some things were twists that made the whole story shift, like when she moves in with the woman in scrubs. I wasn't sure if this was a sub-plot, or not. ~~~~* the dreaded feedback (dun-dun dun-daaaah) several grammar issues took away from the flow. Point of view change in the 1st series of paragraphs.
Okay, thank you so much for all of the feedback. I will work on my grammar. Have an amazing day! :)
Thanks! I will make sure to read all of your stories and review them.
Really? You don't have to! But I would appreciate it, of course. :)
No problem, I try to read anyone who comments' stories, but sometimes I'm busy. But I will read as many as possible. :)
I do like the story. It's very heart grabbing. (If that makes sense) Constructive Critscism: (don't have to read) There were parts that didn't make too much sense. Maybe read back on your writing (out loud) to see if it makes sense/is something a person would say or do. I also noticed some errors in grammar / punctuation, which only bothered me because I'm also a writer. It's hard to miss.. So, please don't take the offensively. It was intriguing because of the way you lined it up. I hope this makes sense and helps you. I also wish...
Thank you so much for the feedback. I do struggle quite a bit with grammar because I am young. But I will try my best and I will read my story back to myself allowed. Have an amazing day and if you want, I will read all of your stories.
Grammar is definitely something I struggle with the .most. Well, specifically commas. I have received some of the same advice I gave as I have continued to grow in my writing, and it's useful to know. If you get the time, I'd love for you to read my story.
I will definitely read your story and review it.
I really liked this story... the emotional development was great.
Thank you so much. Have a great night! : )
You're most welcome... Bonne nuit! I would really appreciate it if you'd review my other stories too... Thanks!!
Good night, I will review them tomorrow. Have a great night.
Please review my other stories if you get the time!