Bourbon Balls

      It was nearing wintertime and every winter my great great grandmother would make bourbon balls and I had to deliver them to the neighbors. It was like an eleventh commandment I had to follow.

I desperately wanted to make them myself and deliver them to the neighbors during this crazy time. Only problem was she had passed when I was twelve…and I could not exactly remember how to make them. I had been having memory lapses lately and not the good kind. I think it might have been the weather or something

She had written down the recipe, but I couldn’t read her handwriting. I knew how to write cursive but I couldn’t read cursive.

Maybe if I did what I remember her doing when she made them, it might help.

After grabbing the ingredients that Mom had gotten me, I looked through my computer for clips from the Price is Right when Bob Barker was the host of it.

She always had Bob Barker on the TV in the kitchen when she made them.

After trying-and failing-to make the bourbon balls to that, I thought maybe listening to hymns could help.

“Sweetheart do you need help?” Mom called from the living room

“No.” I called back.

“All right, I’m going to the grocery.”

“All right, stay as long as you need”

I regretted it.

Sighing, I remembered suddenly that she used to boil the bourbon to make it less alcoholic. It wasn’t the Rebecca Ruth bourbon balls. This were child friendly or virgin bourbon balls.

While that was distilling, I worked on melting the chocolate.

But I couldn’t find the pot she did it in. Looking up, I smiled figuring out how to do it.

The microwave!

I should’ve looked up how long you put in the microwave for. I punched in 30 seconds

The chocolate melted all right, and burned

I felt tears burn in the corner of my eyes and I shook my head. No, I couldn’t cry! Not yet and not over this!

I took a deep breath and counted backwards from ten. It didn’t work so I tried to think of my favorite moments from Steel Magnolias. That did not work.

Then the alcohol burned on the bottom of the pot. I growled grabbing the pot and nearly slammed it into the sink.

I ran water into the pot listening to the hiss of the water cooling it off.

I took another deep breath, like my therapist had said to do. In through the nose and out through the mouth.

Hot tears began slipping out of my eyes. If someone was coming in, like my biological mother,I was going to snap.

Looking up at the window above the sink, I saw it had started snowing outside. Snow may seem like a nuisance and not very beautiful to some people, but to me it was always peaceful and lovely.

“Silent night. Holy night.” I started singing grabbing another pan and added butter and confectioners sugar.

“All is calm. All is bright”

I slowly poured in the bourbon

“Round yon virgin mother and child”

I took the mixture off the heat, let it cool off for a few minutes before placing it in the fridge to cool and set

“Holy infant so tender and mild”

I got out what could only be described as a fondue pot. 

“Sleep in heavenly peace. Sleep in heavenly peace”

I plugged it in letting it start to warm up and I poured water into it letting it start to simmer

“Silent night, Holy night”

Once it was warmed up, I grabbed the baking chocolate and cutting board.

“Shepherds quake,”

I began chopping the chocolate slowly

“At the sight.”

I scrapped the chocolate into the pot

“Glories stream from heaven afar”

I began stirring and folding the chocolate over each other

“Heavenly host sing,”

Once the chocolate was melted , I gently unplugged the pot and went to check the bourbon mix.

“A-le-lu-a”

It was ready and gently set both pots next to each other.

I continued singing Silent night as I grabbed a baking sheet and lined it with wax paper.  I rolled the bourbon mixture into balls.

I then began dipping it into the chocolate. If it wasn’t covered all the way, I took a spoon and gently poured it over it.

After they were all dipped and covered, I set them on the baking sheet. After I finished that I put them in the fridge so they could harden overnight.

           When I got them out the next day, they felt like hers. They looked exactly like hers. But when I tasted them, they tasted off. Like something was missing

“What did I do wrong now?” I groaned to myself.

I racked my brain over and over trying to remember. Then I had it. She had always added a secret ingredient when she was making these. But what was it?

I searched and searched the kitchen and could not see anything that could even faintly resemble an ingredient that could go in the kitchen. I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes again.

How could I have been so stupid and think I could make her signature holiday treat?

To calm down and stop myself form crying, I opened my iTunes app and began listening to music.

The first song to come on was a love song

Augh why?

That is when I remembered! She was always poured on love from the jar on the kitchen counter.  

Now I knew this can of ‘love’ wasn’t real. However, when I was little and watching her make these and shake this jar over them, it seemed so real.

I scooped it up and began shaking a vigorous amount of love onto there humming gently.  I tasted one and a smile that had not been on my face in quite a while, I could feel spread on my face.

They were made, looked, felt, and tasted just like my grandmothers!  I couldn’t believe it

Finally something in 2020 went right!