Marietta’s pages

Marietta’s pages.

4 days to my 20th birthday

I woke up at 6:30 today because my pillow felt uncomfortable, didn’t go back to sleep again. Lay on my bed staring at the ceiling for 15 minutes. Grandma had Alzheimer’s and I didn’t tell my sister.

Didn’t have breakfast today. Wore a black shirt and blue jeans , made sure I had all that I had packed all I needed to go for my one hour daily walk. I hated leaving something behind, it disturbed me in ways I couldn’t explain . Watered the plants, locked all the doors then checked again and again and again.

Walked to the shop nearby, didn’t step on any cracks, stepped on one then went back to start the journey again.

Grandma forgot who I was.

Apart from my sister I have no one else

No one else but my diary, the one my sister gave to me right before she traveled for school.

She’s free now, going out with her friends, being happy. She doesn’t look back. She loves us yes, but ever since the death of my parents, she’s been the parent and its been a burden she’s carried for too long. I’m the parent now.

3 days to my 20th birthday

Hayley is my sister. Hayley and Marietta. Two peas in a pod. Our parents used to dress us up the same, I remembered this little fact as I washed my face three times. As always.

She left five years ago. I fell apart. The diary helped me rebuild myself.

I poured my soul into the book. It had my daily routine, my menu, my weekly plans, monthly schedules, yearly goal. The book was my life and it still is. Without it, I wouldn’t know how to live.

“ Marietta, baby girl” she said to me on the day she left “You must do your best to live!”

She smiled then, adjusted her fedora over her raven curls and left.

I’m doing exactly what she said I should do. The diary is helping me to live.

2 days to my 20th birthday

I only started really writing in the book when I noticed Grandma couldn’t remember some things. It got worse, so I had to keep all her information down somewhere and soon, for some scary moments, she couldn’t even remember who I was or even who she was.

I knew that Hayley might have forgotten who I was, if Grandma was able to forget then why not Hayley. Was I even still existing?

I cleaned the kitchen today because it was cleaning day. Two drops of bleach in the bucket, five cups of powdered soap.

… Or was it three cups? The diary was right next to me on the counter.

It was four cups, my bad. Who knows what would have happened if I had used five cups?

I remembered Summer and Trisha today. They were my closest friends. After Hayley left, I stopped hanging out with them. I didn’t have much time. I always had to rush back home to take care of Grandma and write an update of my day in my diary. And then we graduated.

I do miss them sometimes.

1 day to Marietta’s 20th birthday.

Marietta woke up at 6:30 am and lay in bed looking up at the ceiling. After about 15 minutes of staring, she sat up with a heavy sigh and climbed out of bed.

She stood in front of the mirror, stretched and yawned. She turned her head this way and that, observing her self in the mirror. Large black curls, a bit pale, freckles.

She reached out her hand towards her bedside desk to grab the well worn brown leather bound book that had kept her sanity intact for the past few years.

Her hand passed through air.

She turned sharply.

The book was not there.

She paused, eyes wide open.

She blinked hard, rubbing her eyes furiously.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no”, she muttered as she started pacing.

If the book wasn’t on the desk then there was nowhere else that it could be.

Everything had its place and she never switched it up!!

What was she going to do?!

Time was going..um… .. She woke up at 6, no 6:30. She did her stretches… she took her diary.

No she didn’t take it. It was lost.

Next she had to…

She had to…….

She screamed. Marietta Markey, one day to her 20th birthday had a complete breakdown right in front of her dressing mirror.

Amidst the tears and screaming, she heard a sound from the living room.

She froze. She was on high alert. Nobody ever came to see her.

Still quivering, she picked herself up from the floor and made her way to the kitchen. Soon, the sharpest knife was in her hand, the intruder wouldn’t know what hit him.

She moved cautiously to the front door, opened it.

.

.

.

“Hayley? “

“Marietta!!!? “

The two sisters stared at each other. Both in shock

“What are you doing here? “

Hayley shook her head, her curls had now been chopped into a severe bob but she looked good. She always did.

“Well I came to check on the old house before I went to pick you up. I didn’t know I’d see you here. Now can you put the knife away. ”

Hayley walked cautiously into the house as Marietta stood, shocked still, close to the door. Hayley still spoke “… your friends Summer and Trisha, yeah I invited them too.. “

Marietta turned sharply “What! “

“Yes, baby sis, for your partyyy. Tomorrow is your birthday remember? “

Marietta stopped short. Was tomorrow her birthday? She couldn’t remember actually.

Hayley paused as her phone rang, piercing the awkward strained silence with an odd tune.

“Excuse me, let me take this call”

Hayley stepped outside.

Her voice was too loud to be classified as a whisper. “Yes she’s worse than I expected. It looks like she’s living alone…. Yes… in the old house…. Yes, birthday……. Need all the help I can get. Thanks girls. “

Hayley Markey brushed off invisible lint from her coat and went back inside to see Marietta staring daggers at her.

“What was all that about Lee? “

Hayley scoffed lightly “Oh we’ve reached nicknames now. Okay ree, tell me why you’re staying here by yourself and telling people you live with Grandma when she died 2 years ago. I am so surprised and mad at you. Every time I called you, you lied to me. You lied to me and told me you were working somewhere, schooling. I didn’t know you were rotting in this place. “

Marietta raised her eyebrows . “Well you’re one to talk. You left me. “

The older sister stood up abruptly.

“I HAD SCHOOL! “ she softened, looked away almost guiltily “You know how much of a break I needed, taking care of Grandma shattered me….but not more than you Marietta. Look at you now. Unable to live because of a missing book. “

Marietta paused, her insults forgotten. “How do you know my book is… “

“Hey Hayley, I’ve got Marietta’s book…. “

“Shut up, Trisha! “

And with that introduction, Summer and Trisha stepped in. A tall bohemian beauty and a petite redhead who was currently holding onto the diary. Marietta’s soul.

Her last resolve crumbled “You two were in on it too? “

She fell to her knees as silent tears coursed down her face. Hayley stepped forward “I have been a horrible sister once, I will not do it again. When I found out what you were doing to yourself, the isolation, I had to help you. I had to get my sister back. I tasked Trisha to steal your book. She knew your routine from school and she took it when you went shopping .”

“I didn’t want to forget like grandma. I wanted to live life to the full but still put everything down so that if I forgot who I was, the book would remind me. ”

Marietta could barely speak. Her shoulders were wracked with heavy sobs.

Autumn knelt “No, Ari, we remember you because of who you are and what you’ve shown us. This isn’t you. You’re a sarcastic organizer.”

Trisha squatted, throwing a cheeky smile Marietta’s way “You’re a boy crazy foodie. “

Hayley caressed her little sisters hair “When I said I wanted you to live memorably, I didn’t mean live through a book. I want you to make experiences not just for some five lines in your diary. I want you to live. “

Marietta raised her teary eyes to meet that of the three pairs right before her. Her sisters, brown and determined, Autumn’s, blue and hopeful, Trisha’s, green and bright. Marietta smiled a watery smile, as she leaned into the embrace of her older sister.

My 20th birthday

I woke up at 6:30 today. Filled with a bit of trepidation and excitement. I lay in bed for ten minutes today, for the other five minutes, I was seated. I looked at my diary.

Of course I didn’t expect everything to change over night, I had built these habits over repeated action over months.

Hayley said I’d talk to a therapist.

I protested.

We made a negotiation.

But that’s for another day. Today I am going out with Summer, Hayley and Trisha and I shall not be taking my diary.

It’s a slow uncomfortable process but I’ve decided to take my life back from my obsessive actions.

I’ve decided to live.