NONYE'S PARANOIA

NONYE’S PARANOIA

Nonye turned and woke up with a start, shivering and soaked in sweat. She was panting and looked around wildly. There was nothing different. She was all alone in her room. Everywhere else was quiet except for the ticking of the clock and the barking of some dogs in the distant night. She fell back on the bed and wiped her brow, then heaved a sigh of relief. So it was all a dream. 

Sixteen-year old Nonye had been having nightmares since she was chosen to represent her school in the regional singing contest. Nonye was a very good singer, a natural. While alone, she would sing her heart out and was a beauty both to behold and listen to. While with a few friends or with her music teacher, she would also be relaxed and express herself freely. Everyone knew she had a gift. She also had a good trainer and excelled in her lessons. She was being primed to be a singing diva. She had all it takes. Her voice could arrest even a stone-hearted person. She was beautiful, elegant, intelligent, gifted and graceful. She had all the makings of a star, except for one thing; she was afraid of crowds. Afraid wasn’t even a suitable word. She was paranoid. Once she stood before a crowd and looked at the sea of heads, she would break out into cold sweat and forget her lines. However, if alone or with a small group, she was a star and, could outshine any celebrity. She was a diva in her space.

 It had once happened that her school head, Mrs. Uzozie, aware of her abilities but unaware of her failing, had called her up impromptu for a short performance. It was an inter-school event and she had needed someone to sing the school anthem. It was a truly embarrassing moment. While walking to the stage to take the microphone, Nonye had actually stumbled and only just regained her balance. When she eventually held the microphone and stood facing the crowd, she had broken out in cold sweat and her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. When she eventually managed to open her mouth, her voice came out hoarse and croaking. She stuttered and her head went blank. She couldn’t remember anything anymore. She opened her mouth and tried again. Failed. Tried yet again and failed again. She could only get out a few lines. The anchor of the event finally took the microphone from her and made a light joke to cover the embarrassing moment. Almost everyone had been shocked as only very few knew of her paranoia. She had run back home that day, crying. Thankfully, it was a Friday event and she had had the whole weekend to regain her composure. 

Since after the incident, the school authorities had been careful not to call her up again for any such performance. Yet, she was clearly the best in the school. The person closest to her in ranking was Udomma. Udo was only about half as good as Nonye, maybe a little bit more, but she had stage grace. She was a beauty to behold on stage. Her carriage on stage made up for what she lacked in talent and skill. She was equally a beautiful girl. Nonye didn’t seem to care as long as no one required her to face a crowd of people.

For this particular event, knowing Nonye’s shortcoming, Udomma had been chosen and prepared for it. They wanted to avoid the embarrassment that Nonye would cause. However, three days to the event, Udo had fallen seriously ill and was in hospital. The possibility of her recovering fully to participate in the contest was close to none. She may not even be able to make it to the event, let alone perform. The school administrative team had sat to consider the issue and think of a possible solution. One clear possibility was to pull out of the contest. It was going to be a big disappointment, but there seemed no way out. However, at the final moment, Nonye’s teacher had spoken out. How long would Nonye continue to hide? How long were they going to indulge her idiosyncrasy? How long would it be before Nonye broke out of her limitations and showcased herself to the world? When would Nonye rise and become the star she was meant to be? Nonye was clearly the best performer. Isn’t it high time she stepped out and broke whatever was holding her back? Why should they cancel and pull out of the event when they had a star like Nonye?

It was a real defining moment as they all considered it and knew it was the truth. At least, this won’t be so impromptu. She had three full days to prepare. She already knew the pieces to be performed and knew all the lines. All that was needed was to prepare her for the actual performance, so as to avoid the embarrassment of the previous incident. It was necessary to prime her so she could shine forth and show all she was endowed with, the result of all the training she had received. The decision was taken. Nonye would perform.

There was no time to waste. They called her immediately and broke the news. She went deathly white and swayed, almost to faint. They had to get her into a chair, but there was no changing their minds. Nonye would represent the school. 

That was two days ago. The performance was now tomorrow. However, since the news was broken, Nonye had been having both loss of appetite and insomnia. If she did manage to sleep, she would have nightmares, like she just did now. The school had taken her through counseling and self-affirmation sessions, yet nothing seemed to help. She even began to make mistakes when singing alone, mistakes she was not used to making. Whenever she remembered she would perform in public, her mind would fail her and she would begin to make mistakes. 

The school authorities had to come together again. They had to reconsider their initial decision. The event was tomorrow. Could they still cancel and pull out of the event? Nonye didn’t seem to be getting better. If anything, she was worse. Even her teacher that had had faith in her was now plagued with doubt. They discussed again. Should they feature Nonye or not? The head teacher took the decision to go ahead with Nonye. She was a talent that shouldn’t be allowed to waste. And so, with trepidation, they decided to go ahead and waited for tomorrow. 

The more Nonye thought about the event, the more frightened she became. She withdrew from her friends and began to spend time alone. As she was waking alone during their normal school break that day and thought of the events of the next day, fear filled her once more. To express her sorrow, she began to sing within her. She kept walking. Slowly, the song began to flow from her belly to her lips. She sang quietly at first, but as her mind went back to the source of her sorrow, she began to increase in volume. She needed the release. She let it flow. She gradually grew louder. As she sang, she began to move gracefully. Then she got lost in her world as she moved to the music. Slowly, her sorrow dissipated as peace and joy flooded within her. Her face radiated. She was at her best. She got lost in her world. 

This went on for about ten minutes. When she was done, she looked around her to find herself surrounded by a crowd of people. It was as though the whole school had gathered to watch her perform. She looked further up and saw the head teacher watching her quietly from the front of her office. She covered her face, ran into the toilet and locked the door. She washed her face as her heart pounded. What had come over her? Her heart raced. She wasn’t going to face anyone in the school again today. She finally sneaked out of the toilet. Classes had resumed. She sneaked to the back of the class when the teacher wasn’t looking, picked her bag and raced home. Her classmates watched her with a mixture of emotions. Some watched her with amusement, some with pity, some with envy and some with mere curiosity. However, none said anything to her or tried to stop her. She had never done something like that before. So they let her be. 

She got home to meet her mother in the sitting room, who was surprised to see her daughter home so early. Before she could ask her anything, Nonye had run into her room and locked the door. It took repeated knocking from her mum before she managed to open the door. However, she ran back to the bed and hid her face in the pillow and began to sob. All her mother’s questions got no response and she was beginning to get worried. The she remembered the performance of the next day. Nonye had always been afraid of crowds and they had thought she would out grow it with age. However, here at sixteen, she seemed even worse. She knew this was no time for rebuke, so she gently asked,

‘Is it about the performance tomorrow?’

Nonye nodded, and that was the only response she gave. Having understood the situation now, her mother began to comfort, soothe and encourage her. Slowly, the sob ceased and Nonye fell asleep. 

Meanwhile, back in school; the teachers had been thrilled with Nonye’s performance. Their hopes went high again. If only she could replicate this tomorrow, they were sure of bringing the trophy home. Later in the day they looked for her, but surprisingly, she had disappeared. They didn’t know what to make of it. They called her home repeatedly but no one picked. That was the time Nonye and her mum were in the room. They got worried again. Nonye’s attitude was really becoming a pain. What sort of girl was this? She just left without telling anyone. Would she even show up tomorrow? It was too late now to cancel. They could only hope. However, the unease and uncertainty was evident in them all. Her music teacher, Miss Adaeze later went to her home to confirm she was home and would be attending the event the next day. At least, that confirmation was enough at the moment.

After her mum left, Nonye woke up from her sleep and discovered she had had no nightmare. It was a positive change. She decided to go through with it. What did others have that she didn’t have? They always told her she was the best. So why the fear? It was tomorrow. She didn’t know if she could really do it, but she knew she would do it. That night however, as she slept, she had another nightmare.

Morning dawned. It was the d-day. There was no escaping it. Miss Adaeze picked her up in her car as they drove to the venue of the event. However, she still kept to herself and apart from the greetings, only gave monosyllabic answers to questions. She was like that all through the protocols that preceded the event and even as the performance started. All efforts to make her relax didn’t seem to have any effect. No one could read her expression. They all resigned themselves to whatever would happen. 

Nonye sat with the programme of events in her hands and followed it as they went from item to item. As it got nearer and nearer her turn, she began to grow pale and began to shiver. Watching her, finally, Miss Adaeze felt she had had enough. She was cancelling. She got up to tell the organizers that they weren’t going to perform anymore when the announcement came;

‘And now, we call to the stage, from the Divine Heights School, Chinonyerem Ugochukwu.’

It was too late. Miss Adaeze looked back at Nonye as she rose to her feet. She silently offered up a prayer to God. Slowly, Nonye got up as the audience began to applaud. She swayed, stumbled and regained her balance. She slowly walked to the stage. Her steps were awkward. She finally got to the stage, took the microphone and moved to the centre. She closed her eyes ad just stood there. For a full minute, nothing happened. People began to look at one another, and slowly, they began to murmur. The hall was becoming noisy. 

Then Nonye closed her eyes, slowly she lifted the microphone to her lips and she began. Suddenly, the hall went quiet in awe…