Strangers

“I can't think of marrying anyone else. I will stay unmarried forever then. Leave me alone.” This was my grandfather yelling at his favorite aunt. 

“Don't talk like that, dear. Your dad can’t take it. I will ask your uncle to speak with him. I’ll speak with your mom too. One of you should come down. If both of you stay where you are, there is no end to this. Don't be adamant,” she tried to reason her brother’s point of view to her nephew. 

“She's not an alien. Mathalapuram is just here. Just one and a half miles from here. Why is he this adamant for that? Let’s see. If a 45 year old man is so stubborn, a 20 year old young man, how stubborn will I be? I don't want you to speak with him for me. I'll take care of my problem. Leave it to me. Thank you.”

“No, dear. What’s he saying? Isn't there a single girl in this entire village that you like? Nobody in this family has ever married anyone from outside. He wouldn’t mind a girl from a different caste. But he won’t allow one outside of our village. We have never done that. They are different people. Their thinking, language, behaviour - everything is different from ours. I don’t think it will work, dear.”

The discussion went on like this for hours. 

But finally my grandfather came down like this: “Okay, leave it. I will marry a local girl as you all wish and die like a frog in a well. Happy?”

***

“Let him study. Who said no for that? But I can’t let him go to Madurai for that. Nobody in this family has ever gone out of this village for anything,” my grandfather was spoiling my dad’s plans. He couldn’t marry a girl of his choice from just a mile and a half away. How would he allow his son to go 50 miles away?

“No, dear. Your dad isn’t pleased with it. I don’t think it’s the best thing to do either. Think about it. Any problem, we are here for you. If you go there, who is there? Even if you fall sick for a day, there is nobody to take care of you.” This is his mom, my grandmother, doing her part.

“Mom! You’ve gone mad too? Don’t talk like him. Have some sense. Do you know how far people go to realize their dreams? Just three years. Madurai is just here. You make it so difficult! Just because his dad didn’t allow him to marry a girl a mile and a half away, he is doing all this to me.”

This is how my dad got what he wanted. He finally went to Madurai, which is just 50 miles away from our place, after relentless fighting with his dad and mom. As soon as he came back from Madurai after his education, he opened this discussion with his dad.

It was around 6:30 p.m. My grandfather was eating his dinner. My dad went to him and said, “Dad, there is a girl from Kovilpatti, who studied with me. Our caste only…”

My grandfather didn't take his eyes off the food, suddenly raised his voice and said, “This is why I said no upfront. No, that's not going to happen. I knew, first you would want to go there to study, then you would come back and say you fell in love with someone from some godforsaken place. I knew this was coming. That’s why I tried to nip it in the bud.”

“I am not talking about another planet. She's just here - Kovilpatti. If we start after breakfast we'll reach for lunch. So close.”

“No, nobody in this family has ever married anyone outside this village. Max, I can allow you to go up to 10 miles from here. Not more than that. I'm okay with even a murderer but she has to be a local. I have found a girl in Nagalapuram. Good family. Just keep quiet and marry her. I'm not interested in talking about this anymore. That's it. Over.”

My dad could make it to Madurai for his studies after persistent fighting. But he couldn’t succeed when it came to marrying a girl of his choice. He couldn’t go beyond 10 miles. He married the same girl that was found by my grandfather. Yes, that Nagalapuram girl. That’s how I was born.”

***

It’s my turn now.

“Dad, Bangalore is the best place for computer jobs. All my friends are going there. That’s why I am saying.” I begged my dad for his green signal to move to Bangalore along with my friends.

“What? Bangalore, eh? Forget it. You will get killed when there are cauvery riots. We didn’t give birth to you to get killed in a faraway place. You can go anywhere in Tamil Nadu, but nowhere outside of Tamil Nadu.” I just listened to my dad and stayed there.

One by one, all my friends settled in a good job in Bangalore. My friend Saravanan, who came for the Pongal holidays in January, came all the way from Kovilpatti and spent a day and a night in my village to convince my dad and mom. 

“Saravana, we're sending him just because of your assurances. You are responsible if anything happens,” my mom scared the guy who came to help me. 

Next Sunday, I boarded a bus to Bangalore with Savananan.

I went in January and got a job in May. I became a total Bangalore boy after that. Though I called myself a Bangalorean, I mixed with only Tamil friends there. I stayed with only Tamil friends. Even in the workplace, I used to mix with only Tamil friends. Next, I would talk with tamil-speaking Malayalis, Kannadigas, and Telugus. But I would never speak with others.

Within a few months, I had some problems with the friends in the house where I stayed. Usual compatibility issues. I started looking for a shared accommodation. That also, I was checking with only Tamil friends. Prasanna, a Kannadiga boy in my office, couldn’t control himself from asking me, “Wouldn’t you stay with us? Kannadigas? Do you have a problem staying with only Kannadigas or anybody who can’t speak Tamil?”

I said with an apologetic smile, “Nothing like that. Coming to Bangalore itself was a big thing for me. It's easy to mix with people that speak like us, eat like us, and behave like us, right? That's why. Nothing else.” I never had thought people would observe me to this level of precision.

“I understand. Right now, I'm alone. If you are interested, you can come and stay with me for a month or so. If you like it, continue. Otherwise, you can go and join back your Tamil friends. Don't worry. I don't have a knife in my house. I won’t kill you. You will be safe there,” he laughed.

Something was still bothering me. I would have to speak in English all the time. Is it that? No, there was something more than that. 

I just asked myself this question: ‘Is it more difficult to stay with a known Kannadiga than an unknown Tamil? Was it no-problem-at-all when I stayed with Tamil friends?’

I helped convince myself. Next Saturday morning, I was at Prasanna's house with all my stuff. After that, until the day I boarded a flight to the United  States of Opportunities, I spent the rest of my life in Bangalore with Prasanna only. Thousands of days. He took me to his hometown. I took him to my village. It was like a dream life.

For Bangalore itself, I had to do so much convincing with mom and dad. You can imagine what kind of shock they would have had when I told them about my US plans. 

“Don’t forget you were born in a village that expects everyone to get back home before it gets dark every day. It’s non-negotiable here. We shouldn’t have allowed you to go to Bangalore. Had we done that we could have prevented all these. Why do you torture us like this? Kill us both and then you go wherever you want to go.” Mom created a big scene.

“I am not going to die there, mom. Just six months.” I am her son. I screamed, cried and begged too. 

Finally, I convinced them both with an assurance that I would be back in six months with a suitcase full of American dollars. My mom and dad came all the way from my village to see me off. Prasanna and my parents waved their hands in the Departure gate of Bangalore airport hoping that they would come back to receive me in the Arrival gate of the same airport after six months. I boarded a Qatar Airways flight to the US on a Friday night. 

The place I landed here on a Saturday evening is the Bay Area in California. It's good to be in a place where there are so many Indians. Wherever you go, you can find Indian faces. But my old habits had hardly died. I was mixing with only Tamils most of the time, and here and there a few Indians. Thanks to Prasanna. The fear of other Indians had died down. I was still not comfortable mixing with others. What if they took out their gun and shot me boom boom!

There was an African American young man in the next house. The first time I saw him in front of my house, he came to tell me something. I got so frightened, like seeing a ghost, came running into the house like lightning and slammed the door in his face. Next few days, I felt so disgusted with myself. I kept thinking I should somehow make up for this when I would meet him next.

‘That doesn't mean I should get close to him. I should keep everything within the limits. When you are in an unknown country, isn’t it better to be safe? Who knows what kind of person anyone is. Why risk?’

He didn't leave me either. Wherever he saw me he would chase me. Finally, we shook hands on a bright Summer evening and became friends. 

“Hi, I’m Mike. You?”

The first thing he asked me when we started speaking like friends was, “Why were you so scared of me the other day, man? And why did you run like that?” 

He looked deep into my eyes, making me inescapable from an answer.

“What if you took out a gun and shot me - boom?” I laughed.

He laughed like a child. I have to tell you this. His laughter sounds like it has an ability to cure deadly diseases. Then Mike became another Prasanna. California became another Karnataka. The same place that I thought I will never be able to like became my place for the rest of my life. This time, for the second time. 

Then I got married. When my wife came, we moved to a different house. The first Saturday Mike came to our house to help us with the movement. I had told my wife a lot about Mike. Even then, on the first day, just like how I did, she also behaved very strangely with him. One could see her fear on her face.

“Hey, why are you so scared of me? I don't have a gun.” He continued, “If I had one, I would have shot this fellow that day itself.” He laughed like a child - in his typical style. 

From that point, she lost all her fear for him.

***

My wife is on call with one of her well-wishers. Speaker mode.

“Hey, Is it the 9th month? How many more days? Will you be able to manage sitting there - thousands of miles away?”

“I am absolutely fine. I have Mike's wife. She's equivalent to 10 people. As long as she is there, I can plan even a dozen more kids. Even if I was in our place, surrounded by our own people, I wouldn't be this comfortable. Why should I be worried?”