"Yes, uh-huh, right over there ma'am, no sir, yes, okay, of course, right this way, will that be all? your total comes out to...." Holy crap I'm exhausted and Black Friday hasn't even officially started. I have to be here for just five more hours. Five more hours and then you can go back to your room, watch Netflix, eat some leftovers and fall asleep happy.
"You need the money, you need to eat and not starve." I try to tell myself to make me feel better about working in this piece of crap store, but Jesus Christ this is insane. There are about 1750 people in a room with a 1500 person occupancy, and for some reason, they are all after the same flat-screen TV and sweater. Do they even realize that if they come in at literally any time of the year it's the same price?
"Hey Mya, some kid dropped uh-" my boss, Carlos, turned to the direction of the splash zone, "he dropped something. Can you go clean it up?"
I feel nauseous just looking at it, what did this kid have? "Sure thing, I'll definitely do that without gagging."
"Atta' girl", he said to me with a smile that was cute and almost believable.
Going into the supply closet was like going into a whole new world, a peaceful one with no people and no chaos, I start to understand why Thanos wanted to get rid of everyone, a true chaotic good icon. I was almost tempted to stay in there forever, but alas, my dreams of dying in a supply closet due to the evergrowing mold were cut short by my desire to keep my job.
A few hours later I was assigned to the worst position of all, customer service. Just thinking about all the Karens and Johns demanding a special service just because there was a slight inconvenience makes me contemplate becoming homeless. Nevertheless, I'm here. My first complainer (as I like to call them) was a girl that couldn't have been older than 15, she simply asked for a refund, understandable. My second complainer was a man who swore that we stole $400 from his wallet after someone turned it in, had to call Carlos in for that. They just coming after that for small things, until my worst nightmare came along.
I could see her from a mile away, her short hair and large round sunglasses are extremely hard to miss, a Karen. Never in my life had I seen one so angry that you could tell her name, how many kids she has, what she drives or her salary. Yet here I was knowing that her name was Mary, with 4 kids, a Ford Expedition and a $120,000 salary. My face went pale, my heart was beating so hard that I thought I was having a heart attack. Boomers scare me.
"Hello ma'am how has your shopping experience been and how can we make it better?" I try not to let my voice crack as I talk, they can smell fear.
"Oh, now you want to help me huh after they gave me a hassle because I couldn't use the coupon that I got from THIS VERY STORE." Oh God, it's happening, Oh Lordy Lord. My palms get sweaty, my knees are weak and my arms are heavy, I can practically feel the vomit on my sweater already, it would probably be mom's spaghetti. I'm nervous but on the surface, I try to keep calm and ready because she'll drop bombs and for some reason, I keep forgetting what I wrote down in case this happens. I can feel the crowd yell so loud I try to open my mouth, but no words will come out I feel like I'm choking now. What if everyone's joking now? The clock is running out, times up you have to respond.
I finally snap back to reality, "I'm so sorry ma'am, may I see the coupon?" She hands me the coupon for 60% off of all kitchen appliances. " I see the problem, this coupon is expired." I should not have said that. I SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID THAT.
"What did you just tell me?" I feel my face reddening in embarrassment. "Uh- I said that this coupon is expired ma'am, I apologize." She takes her sunglasses (that she was wearing inside might I add) off and places them on her head.
" Oh, you better apologize because you are losing a paying customer! Unbelievable, unbelievable! My coupon is expired by 5 days and yet you won't accept it. Do you know how hard I work for my money and MY coupons? I bet I make 10 times more than you do at this trashy ass place and you feel like you have the right to disrespect me. That is the problem with your whole generation, all you do is talk shit, but when it's time to actually do something you're lazy and you will refuse. You are all just some sensitive little assho-" She was cut short by my boss. Thank the Lord.
"That's enough now ma'am leave now or I will have to call security."
She seemed to be even more insulted by this, " Who are you, I demand to speak to your manager!" I can't help but let out a small chuckle, wrong move. " Oh, so you think this is funny huh, you think this is some joke? I will report you to the manager, where is he?" I point to Carlos, who mediated the situation amazingly.
It's amazing how Karen's have no shame, they just keep talking smack. She did however just leave as soon as she realized she wasn't winning. I hope she knows that she is the reason I cry myself to sleep. Haha just kidding, I could care less.
Carlos looks to me almost proudly, "You did a good job taking care of her. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing."
"Thanks, I guess, are you down to get tacos after our shift is over?" Don't be nervous, don't be nervous
"Sure haha as long as you're buying."
"Then go back to sleep and starve." I may or may not be joking.
"I'm just kidding, it's a date." He winked and went on to do his bossly duties.
Holy shit, maybe the night shift isn't too bad.