Israel

I came here today to interview Israel Eichmann. If you know anything about genetic manipulation, you have certainly heard about Mr. Eichmann. He is not only a renowned geneticist, but a wrestling fan, and the only person I know who has spent the last twenty years attempting to organize a professional mud wrestling event. 

When I heard, what sounded like an absurd story about a man of science being involved with what appears on the surface to be a lark, possibly to distract from the intensity of having been a prominent member of a team responsible for cloning the first Shark to be intolerant of human flesh, I just had to investigate.

The study has its share of critics, being that it was financed by not only the Florida Board of tourism, but by the Australian Government itself.

I am here today with the permission of Mr. Eichmann’s attorney, to interview Mr. Eichmann, on what he perceives to be the potential good for the use of this ground breaking science, to perhaps resolve the obesity, addiction, and even jealousy problems which are said to be an inhibiting cause of spousal reconciliation.

“Mr. Eichmann, I would very much like to ask you, what has been your driving force in promoting what’s being called…”

“Look, I appreciate the notoriety, and the honor of being nominated for the Nobel Prize in Genetic Manipulation, but…”

“Yes, Mr. Eichmann, but…would you mind terribly if I called you Israel? Mr. Eichmann seems so formal, and I was asked to see if I couldn’t get you to talk about your personal reasons for being so dedicated to…”

“Yes, I’m sure you are. But I have become terribly disillusioned with the entire effort to genetically manufacture one of God’s creations to benefit basically one of our primary species, man, and…”

“Yes, but don’t you see, politics is something we’ve all had our fill of. What people are interested in now, is that science once again has found its footing and is beginning to be trusted…”

“All I want, all I’ve ever wanted was to be left alone. That is why today I tendered my…”

“Yes, but people are interested in your desire for change. They want to know if you have a favorite color. And if so, what it is? You see you may live a life devoted to science, but you must also know that most people really don’t care one way or the other, unless it affects them directly. They just want to know if they can count on your newest breakthrough to allow them to have a child with the eye color of their choosing. Or the hair of Albert Einstein, or the even the regal presence of the Queen of England. So you see, I understand your dedication towards science, but people want to know, should I be so blunt, what is in it for them?”

It doesn’t seem to matter where I go, what I have to say on the subject, all anyone wants to hear is, will it make my children better looking. Can you prevent them from having Dumbo ears, or a Mahatma Gandhi nose. The selfishness has become nearly an epidemic. It is always me, me, me, never us, us, us. I believe what we need to do, before it is too late, is to…

“Mr. Eichmann, Israel, do you have children? And if you do, have they benefited, or been exposed to any of your research? People want to know how far we are away from having perfect people, who have had the hate and prejudice bred out of them. They just want to know that your efforts will result in a better…”

“Like I was attempting to say, I’m tired. Sixty years I’ve devoted to this project and all I can say is I just want to re…”

“That’s wonderful that you want to slip off into the sunset, but what about me, us. What about those who have problems, the color of their skin, the way they believe other people should act, but don’t. How people can become more accepting of one another so that we can all agree on everything, except possibly religion. But that is minor, in comparison to all of us believing the same truth about things. Take democracy for instance. Do you believe as things stand now, that people have enough general knowledge of how things work to be allowed to vote…”

Listening to this interviewer is enough to make me want to…

“So, wouldn’t you agree that if we in the future were all made in the likeness of what is good and just, that the world would be a better place? Just think no more wars, no more fighting, no more…”

Yes that is what the future has become for some. Goodness is always used to promote the inclusive nature of the everyman, or woman.  But no one asks, is it a realistic, or even a good thing to do. If we were all the same then what would life be? What would it matter if we made a mistake, everyone would agree not to allow it to happen again. It would be like living in a time and place similar to heaven, or Hollywood. But for now I would be content to…

“I’ve kept you long enough. I am running out of time. I would however appreciate your telling our audience, what you perceive to be the most challenging aspects of the twenty-first century, and how we will adapt to them by using genetic modification to improve human acceptance, of everything being the same. No more worrying about what you looked like. What you did for a living. What you thought, or who you prayed to. It would be the same for everyone. So please tell us how this new breakthrough in science will change our lives by accommodating nothing but goodness into our daily…”

The only reason I agreed to this interview was to inform everyone, including my fellow genetic explorers, that I have had enough. Enough of everything. What I see on the horizon, is yes, no more disease, no more ugly people, unless whoever decides what beautiful is, differs from what is currently beautiful, and changes the genetic equation. I see nothing that will change the human conundrum. I see nothing to eradicate all of the vices that appear in all humans, greed, gluttony, lust, lying…

“You must have something to say. After all you are being nominated for the Nobel Prize, which affords you the opportunity to plant the seeds of change in peoples minds, and hopefully convince them that science is neither the truth or a lie to live by, but merely a suggestion as to how we should behave, if we wish the species to continue. So, please tell us…”

“OK, just let me say one thing about the purpose of the genetically engineered program. It does not fix stupidity, self-righteousness, apathy, or any of a thousand problems that stem from being human. But it is all we have; therefore I would say…”

“I’m sorry, but we are out of time. Thank you for your interesting, if not informative outlook on what we can expect from your scientific research. Thank you, and I hope we will…”

“I quit!”

“Of curse you do, but isn’t it possible that by programming all the ills out of future generations, that life will become self-deprecating. The only way to stand out, might be...? Will it not result in a communal form of selfishness that will destroy all mankind?”