Ham Toss

It was a Saturday afternoon and a week before Christmas. My dad was in full Christmas mode. Lights had been strung on our trees since the day after Thanksgiving. We had just gotten  our second Christmas tree that morning because we had had our first for so long it died. We were not religious at all, but my dad still put my mom’s Nativity scene on our mantle. It was our sixth Christmas without my mom, but I still wasn’t used to her not running into our rooms at 6 am and forcing us to come downstairs with her. She would make us hot chocolate and a big breakfast of eggs, english muffins, and maple syrup sausages. 

She died from a car crash. Not immediately though. She was in a coma for 5 days. The doctors said she was going to wake up, that she was very stable, and the medicine they had her on was working, and she did wake up. We got to see her and everything. She had to spend one more night in the hospital, and before we left, she said she was scared to go to sleep. The doctors put her on a sleeping medication and we stayed until she was sleeping soundly. She never woke up. That moment when she woke up from the coma was like the eye of a storm. Except going into the storm we were hopeful everything would turn out, but when we left the eye, and my mom was gone, we realized there was no way out. 

My dad called me downstairs. He was listening to Billy Joel’s “Everybody Has a Dream” which was genuinely the worst song he wrote, but my dad still loved it. 

“What do you want?” I asked as he told Alexa to turn down the music. I called out to Alexa too. 

“Alexa stop this song, and play New York State of Mind.” It blared from the speakers. And my dad play slapped me but he was grinning too. “Now this is Billy Joel.” 

“Ok, ok shut up.” He laughed. “I need you to mop up here. I'm going with Lana to grab some last minute food and decor before the fam comes over.”

“Ok, and please never say fam again.” 

Lana. My step mom. They had only gotten married a month ago, and were still very much in the honeymoon phase. Lana was great. I loved her, but she was very dramatic, and tried to act cool and be young for her 48 year old self. I'm pretty sure she had 15 people coming over for Christmas dinner. Some from SoulCycle. five were staying with us all week. The only person coming from my side of the family was my grandma, Yaya. She was coming all the way from Greece, and staying with us for a whole month. Lana was like spiked eggnog. Super creamy and yummy with a little (a lot of) zing.

Lana came down the stairs in her faux leather jacket, platform Doc Martens, skinny jeans and a sparkly turtleneck.

“Lana, we’re going to Home Goods and Whole Foods, not the prom.” My dad joked.

“Hon! I might see someone I know.” Lana replied in all seriousness. That was Lana for you.

While I was mopping up, I got a text from the big family group chat with everyone who was going to be at dinner. My step-aunt Greta texted, 

Boarding now! Can’t wait for the ham toss!

Everyone was already texting back and agreeing with her. What the heck is a “ham toss” is what I wanted to say, but I didn’t want to look dumb. I texted my dad instead. 

Are we having ham for Christmas dinner?   I thought we always had mom's duck recipe.

He texted back,

Was planning on it. Lana doesn’t like duck. Plus I think the ham toss is some weird         tradition they have. Why don’t you make it for you and your brother?

Duck was our tradition. I texted back that it was fine, and there wouldn’t be any oven space anyway, but I was still bummed. 

I decided to get in higher spirits. I would finally put together the Christmas morning scavenger hunt we did every year. I had been putting it off for so long, but surprisingly my dad hadn’t nagged me about it like he usually does. It took me hours, but I was so excited for Lana’s family to play on Christmas morning. My dad had come up with the tradition when me and my brother were little. He and my mom would make a huge scavenger hunt for Christmas morning and only after we finished it could we open presents. Lana and my dad barged through the door right as I was finishing.

“Dad! I finished the scavenger hunt!” I yelled.

“What scavenger hunt?” Lana asked as I walked into the kitchen.

“Dad, you didn’t tell her? It’s the Christmas tradition that we do every year. I thought you knew about it” 

“We weren't going to do it this year because you and your brother are too old, and Lana’s family is mostly adults” My dad said with his head stuffed in the refrigerator. That was the last straw for me. I got so angry. 

“Now that Lana’s here, we're forgetting about all of mom’s traditions!” I yelled. Note: Lana was still very much in the room. She looked shocked. My dad, did too. He walked over to me and patted my shoulder.

“Well of course things are going to change around here, but it’s not like we're forgetting about mom! We are still getting takeout from Flavio’s on Christmas Eve, we are still going to have a Christmas movie marathon, and the same breakfast mom made.” Lana looked shocked, still, but she was now sitting with us at the kitchen island. 

“We're making new traditions and memories but we're keeping yours too, don’t worry.” Lana said.

“Okay, can we do the scavenger hunt then?” I was still mad I had done the whole thing, and we weren't even planning on doing it.

“Of course! You’re never too old for a scavenger hunt.” Lana replied, looking genuinely excited. There was one thing I was still confused about, though.

“Now what the hell is a ham toss?”