Collateral Damage

The car is going to kill me. I don't have time to jump out of the way. But then I didn't expect it to come from above.

When the gas tank explodes two stories above, the blast throws me nearly twenty feet. A mailbox stops my bouncing. Flat on my back, I see the battle raging above. Awesome Man and another alien robot are in another battle to the death.

***

Awesome Man. The city's self-proclaimed superhero. No one knows where he came from, but since he arrived, life in this city certainly hasn't been dull.

Let’s flashback to that first day.

I was walking to work after stopping at my favorite coffee shop. Three rapid "pops" echoed off the office towers around me. A rush of panicked people ran past as four police cars circled the front doors of the National City Associated Bank. Guns drawn; the officers took their positions.

The bank doors blew open and three men ran out shooting. In the instant before the police could return their fire, a man costumed in brilliant blue and green landed on the sidewalk, blocking their way.

"Halt, villains. Give yourselves up and you will not be harmed."

They answered with more gunfire. Each bullet ricocheted away, leaving him unharmed. One of those bullets deflected into my left arm. The last thing I remembered was a police officer bending over me, telling me to be calm and that Awesome Man had saved the day. Then he called for an ambulance.

Pain woke me. I was in the hospital, my arm bandaged and in a sling. Becky was sitting next to me, holding my good hand.

"What happened?"

"A bit of bad luck," she said. "There was a bank robbery. You got caught in the crossfire. It's just a flesh wound. The doctor said you'll be fine."

"It still hurts like hell. There was a man. In a cape."

"He's the one that stopped the robbery. Everyone’s talking about him. He calls himself Awesome Man."

That weekend, Becky and I decided to have a quiet picnic in the park on the city's edge. As we spread our blanket on a grassy knoll, a massive metallic corkscrew tore through the center from below. As the earth rose skyward, we were pitched to the side, tumbling down the newly formed mountain of rocky debris. A large cylindrical ship now stood where our blanket once had been. A panel slid open and an army of uniformed molemen marched out, blasting anything in their way.

Awesome Man swooped in. He pulled a towering maple from the ground, tossing it at the marauding molemen. A beam of lightning emanated from the ship, cutting the tree in half. I pulled Becky to cover behind a boulder.

A fearsome battle raged. Eventually, there was silence. It took me a few moments to gather my courage and poke my head out from behind our hiding place. All that remained of the cylindrical ship was a steaming pool of liquefied metal.

Becky was fine, but my ankle looked bad. As Awesome Man flew away, Becky helped me limp back to the parking lot. At one end lay half a maple tree. As we approached, I realized it was our car under that twisted mass of leaves and branches.

X-rays at the hospital showed a hairline fracture in my foot. The doctors told me to take it easy and gave me a walking cast.

Things were quiet for a few days after that. My ankle still hurt, but I decided to walk to the bank to make a payment on the car we no longer had. People suddenly stopped and cheered as they pointed to the sky. Awesome Man flew overhead, weaving among the office buildings. I pulled my wounded arm closer to my chest and limped away.

Once my arm healed, Becky reserved a fishing trip for me, thinking it would help me relax. That morning, the sky was clear, and the water was calm. Everything was perfect, that is until a giant octopus attacked the city's docks. Awesome Man easily knocked the malicious mollusk out and threw it back into the water. The monstrous wave caused by gigantic creature swamped the fishing boat and casually tossed me overboard. I only survived because the fishing line hooked the seat of my pants. Unfortunately, it was not only my pants that had been hooked.

Back at the hospital, the doctors stitched me up.

Without a car and unable to sit, I had to stand and take the elevated train into work for the next few days. A news bulletin popped up on my phone. Someone calling himself Dr. Darkness had threatened to blow up the city's infrastructure. When the mayor declared the city would not negotiate with terrorists, Central Station exploded. Four trains, mine included, were rushing there to their last stop. Awesome Man saved three.

As I laid once again in my hospital bed, it all finally made sense. Every time Awesome Man showed up, I got badly injured. The Universe had it in for me. And Awesome Man was the tool to finish me off.

***

That brings us back to the current battle raging above us.

The alien robot now holds a school bus filled with terrified children in its mechanical tentacles while aiming an energy blaster at the city's hero. Awesome Man grabs a satellite dish from a nearby office tower, deflecting the energy beam. Instead of diverting it out into space, the blue death ray shatters the storefront next to me. I’m showered in glass shards and broken bricks. An unfortunate customer runs from the store, his clothes engulfed in flames.

Defeated, the robot drops the school bus and flies away. I follow the bus's path, realizing this time it would finally mean the end for Becky and me.

At the last minute, the bus just a few feet over my head, Awesome Man catches it and sets it gently on the pavement. The children cheer. The crowd cheers.

Awesome Man holds out his hand to help me up. "You’re welcome, citizen. It's a pleasure to have saved you."

It is then I realize he has no idea who I am. He never did, he couldn’t care less. I’m just collateral damage, something that, regrettably, has to be accepted for the good he always does. Anger rises in me like a psychopathic flame. I decide to change that. I cling tight to his hand, pull him close as if to whisper some trite expression of gratitude, and kick him in the balls. Of course, he doesn't feel a thing. His smile vanishes as he crushes every bone in my hand.

It’s been said that every superhero needs a nemesis, the bad to their good, the yin to their yang, the villain that gives them purpose. Awesome Man just shook hands with his.