LOSE ME

A stormy night. They hate stormy nights with a passion. They normally embrace each other while they binge-watch a show. It was their thing. They sit on the sofa holding handmade ceramic mugs. The subtle rumble of thunder setting the perfect mood. They’re inches apart with a blanket warming their bodies. Nathan stares at the TV blankly while Mandy hysterically laughs at Jake Peralta.

         “God,” Mandy says in between laughs. “What a guy.”

 Nathan barely cracks a smile. Mandy sips her brewing tea slowly.

         She searches for Nathan’s hand to hold, but she doesn’t find it.

         “Hey baby, give me your hand,” she says lovingly. Nathan gives it stiffly. Mandy rubs his hands gently.

         “What are we doing?” Nathan asks suddenly, spiking a tone of irritation in his voice. He retrieves his hand from Mandy’s. She looks at him with baffled eyes. Ah no, not this again, she thought.

         “What do you mean? We’re watching TV” she replies calmly.

         “You know what I mean.” He rips off the blanket and puts his elbows to his knees.

         “No, I don’t know what you mean. What is it with you,” she answers. She stands up, putting her mug down carefully.

         “Don’t you think it’s so pathetic how we pretend.” He pauses. He’s thinking. He takes quite a while. He’s always careful with his words, always revising.

         “P-pretend?” she replies.

         “Honestly Mandy,” he finally continues. But he stops almost immediately.

         “What?”

         “I’ve stopped loving you the moment we finished that fight. I have to tell you this because I can’t keep on pretending. My resentment towards you grows bigger every single fucking day,” he explains. Mandy’s eyes begin to shed tears. She blinks them away.

         “Wow, pretending. I’ve never pretended,” Mandy says. “You never changed. I can’t believe you, it's fucking sickening.” “You stay in these intricate moods that swell me up in the insides making it hard for me to be around you,” she says almost yelling.

         “But you know what’s fucked up, I was okay with it,” she adds. Her arms flail aggressively showing her frustration. Then she laughs it off.

         “Well, you wanna know something too Mandy? Ever since that day I lost every bit of respect I had for you.” His face curls into a frown.

         “Oh please, you’re an enigma Nathan,” she says turning her body away from him.

         “And you’re sooo easy Mandy, I can’t begin to fathom how fucking easy you are.”

         “I’m not as difficult as you are!” Mandy snaps back. A flash of lightning zaps, visible through the window.

“If you were easy we wouldn’t have that fight in the first place,” he yells.

         “Don’t you ever speak to me like that!” she shouts, pointing harshly at Nathan. “I’ve had it with you, I thought we were fine.”

         “Oh god---we are sooo fine, totally, perfectly fine,” Nathan says sarcastically. Mandy feels her insides boiling. She storms upstairs to their room closing the door hardly.

         “Come back down here,” he demands, after observing Mandy’s outrage. She ignores him and gives no response.

         “Come down or I’ll come up!” he adds

         Mandy comes out exasperated.

         “Get out of my life!” she shrieks. “I’m leaving next morning you hear me!”

         “Oh yeah, and where are you going exactly?” Nathan replies mockingly. “Back to your mama?”

         “Anywhere far away from here, anywhere where I can’t see you,” she replies without looking at him.

“Great! Leave--- who gives a fuck.”

She goes back in trembling, leaving Nathan with himself. He’s angry, but not at her. He wants to cut all ties with her as fast as he can. He feels no loss. He feels no desire to comfort her. He doesn’t love her. And when she leaves he’ll be praying that she never comes back.

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