Family always Forgives

          Pawin had always lived with his Mum since he could remember. He only had the faintest memory of hid Dad; he remembered his Dad put him on his shoulders and carried him around. He believed his Dad must have loved him. Yet, when he asked Mum about Dad, she’d simply reply that since Dad had left the house, he’d never attempted to contact Pawin since, and they only had each other.

           However curious was Pawin, since he only got the same answer, he stopped asking about Dad. Because to be honest, he was fine as he was. His Mum, though she worked very hard to earn money to support both of them, never failed to attend his special events, like his music performance. Besides, she was so kind and always listened to his explanations for his mistakes, before she scolded him like other Mums did. Who couldn’t love a Mum like this? No wonder Pawin was so close to her. He always had dinner with Mum if he could, for dinnner, to his family, was a special time when they could tell what each of them had done during the day, their problems and how they could fight through it. Mum’s cooking was also the best. Who could miss such scrumptious Kra Pao Rice, Thai Green curry and so on? But Kra Pao Rice was his favourite, and when his Mum knew that, she’d often cook that for him, and he never get tired of it.

           Though Pawin excelled at many things, his real passion was music. His main music instrument was guitar. But his family was poor, so he couldn’t afford to take extra classes. He could only practise with his teacher at school, and practise at home with his old guitar for which he had saved money.

           Still, the fee for music college, even in the country, was quite out of reach. He once told his Mum about his worry.

           ‘I’m afraid we wouldn’t be able to afford my college, Mum’, said Pawin gloomily. ‘The fee at Mahidol University’s school of music was almost a hundred thousand. It’ll be too much burden for you. Maybe, I’ll try something else like linguistics. I’m pretty sure my English and French are quite decent, and we can afford that.’

           ‘Don’t you worry about that, dear’, his Mum gently touched his hand and smiled. ‘Just do your best in what your love. If music is your passion, go for it. About the fee, I’ll see what I can do. Don’t your worry about it.’

           But Pawin was worried, and he knew deep down his Mum was worried too. Though Mum had always been supportive in whatever he did, and he loved her for that, still, he didn’t want to burden her any further. Suddenly, he was thinking about his Dad. If only he were here, Mum would be less burdened about paying for his college fee. Pawin quickly brushed it off. Tht was impossible. He couldn’t contact his Dad, for he was God Knows Where. Well, the only chance was a scholarship, perhaps.

           Determined to get a scholarship from a music college, he did whatever he could: he asked his music instructor at school about scholarship news, attended music colleges’ open houses to learn about any scholarship or subsidy, and browsed through the website to find out about scholarship. But he couldn’t find much relevant information, and started to feel hopeless.  But one day, hope came in a form of news from his music teacher Mr. Wattana. He handed Pawin an application for a scholarship to one of the famous music schools in New Zealand.

           ‘But, sir… this is’, Pawin stammered with excitement.

           ‘I decided to send you, for you’re the most determined’, said Mr. Wattana calmly. ‘The audition would be held on the 12^th next month in Bangkok. So, pactise your guitar well, and come to my office anytime. Oh! Don’t forget to brush up your English.’

           Pawin’s bliss for this opportunity couldn’t be compared to his Mum’s. She was as excited as though he’d got the scholarship already. Still, Pawin, who was a hardworking person, practised both his guitar by himself and with his Mr. Wattana, as well as brushing up his English for the interview yet to come.

           The big day finally came. The audition was held in a grand audithorium in the centre of Bangkok. However prepared had he been, Pawin was still nervous as his name was called, and he entered the hall with his guitar. In front of him sat four stern-looking judges, who kept noting something down constantly. They only glanced at him a bit, told him to introduce himself and start playing. Breathing deeply, Pawin sat on a stool, and played the guitar, thinking of his dear Mum. The song, though simple, delivered such a sweet and heart-warming love very well. From time to time, the judges would look up from the notes and listened to his playing like in a trance. Pawin tried his best, and he was finally relieved when it was over. Some of the judges even smiled at him.

           ‘Congratulations, Pawin!’ shouted Mr. Wattana a few months later. ‘The result was announced! You got the scholarship. You don’t need to worry about the fee or the cost of living! Congratulations again!’

           Pawin could hardly contain his joy. He got a place to study now, and his Mum wouldn’t be burdened. How pleased was Mum when she learnt about that at dinner.

           ‘We must celebrate!’ Mum kissed his cheek, lovingly. ‘I always knew you could do it, dear. I’ll cook us a big meal! Dear! We don’t have enough ingredients…Never mind. I’ll just go to the market. I’ll invite Aunt Saraphee and Vandah to celebrate. You go get some fancy cloth in the store room. Here’s the key, dear! I’ll be back in a minute!’

           And off she went. Pawin felt so heavenly. He walked to the store room under the stairs, humming. He unlocked and opened the door. The stuffs in the room were so many and the pile was so unstable that as soon as the door was open, everything inside collapsed like an avalanche.

           ‘Oh, boy!’ He was taken aback. ‘How could Mum store all these stuffs in this tiny room. And where’s that fancy cloth she was talking about…Huh? What’s this?’

           As he was running through a pile of stuffs, looking for a fancy cloth, he ran into a pile of letters, tied in a string, addressed to him. Pawin stopped looking for the cloth; he sat down and started reading the letters. It turned out his Dad had been trying to contact him for many years, and even offered financial support. He had even attempted to contact him for the last time before he had moved abroad. And no more letters. Tears dropped from his eyes. All those years. All his Mum had done was lying to him. How could she have done that to him?

           ‘Sweetie. Aunt Saraphee said congratulations, and she’d be coming in half an hour…’ upon seeing what Pawin was reading, she dropped everything, trembling.

           ‘Mum…What’s all this?’ Pawin turned to Mum, with eyes full of disappointment and pain.

           ‘Pawin. I…I can explain.’

           ‘All these years,’ said Pawin, trying to contain his anger. ‘You’ve been lying to me about Dad! How could you do this to me?! Don’t you think I want to meet my Dad too?’

           ‘Pawin, please understand’, said Mum faintly as she walked and sat beside him. ‘When Dad left. I was so devastated. I had no one but you; you’re my whole world to me, and I’m not ready to lose you to anyone, even your Dad. I vowed to myself that I’d do everything in my power to make you happy without his help.’

           ‘You’re just selfish’, said Pawin bitterly. ‘Don’t you think I deserve to know about my Dad, too, even a bit?’

           ‘I’m so sorry…If I could, I’d do everything to change it. Please, this is your special day. At least, try to cheer up for me.’

           Mum went back to cooking and made the table all by herself. Pawin, though having loved his Mum so much, felt betrayed and felt forcing a happy face throughout the dinner with other guests was almost unbearable. That day passed. His Mum tried to avoid talking about what had happened yesterday, and treated him extra nice. But Pawin’s bang from learning that Mum had hidden the truth about Dad was so much that he couldn’t forgive her that easily.

           Till the day of his departure for college in New Zealand, Pawin had been cold to his Mum. That made her so miserable.

           ‘Good Bye, dear. Have a safe trip’, Mum tried to force her smile, and was about to kiss him, when Pawin turned away. ‘Pawin, please, we don’t have to part like this.’

           Pawin turned back, looked at her coldly, and walked towards the departure gate without replying.

           Studying in such a beautiful country like New Zealand was, to Pawin, like a dream come true, especially, when he got to study what he loved, like music. It’s true that it wasn’t always easy, for he had to repy on himself almost all the time. But so far, Pawin was perfectly happy except a small hole in his heart: he didn’t make up with his Mum. Pawin couldn’t lie to himself that he still loved Mum, and hated that they had parted in such a cold way. Still, his ego always stopped him from receiving her call or calling her back. He also couldn’t forgive her that she’d prevented him from meeting Dad. Now he’d never see him again.

           One day, after class, Pawin decided to wander in a different direction. He found a nice-looking Thai restaurant, so he decided to drop by. The restaurant was owned by a kind, middle-aged couple. Even better, the food was great, and it reminded him of home, of his Mum’s cooking.

           ‘You look familiar, young man’, the owener, whose name he learnt later was Mr. Anawat, talked to him one day. ‘It’s as if I’ve met you before.’

           ‘I don’t think so’, smiled Pawin. ‘I’ve never been to New Zealand before in my life.’

           ‘I moved here with my wife only a few years ago’, explained Mr. Anawat ‘Before that, I used to live near Pinklao.’

           ‘Really? That was my home before I moved.’

           ‘I have a son, too, you know.’

           ‘With you wife?’

           ‘No. With my ex’, Mr. Anawat sounded sad. ‘He must be around your age now. Sorry, you must be tired of my talking.’

           ‘Not at all.’

           ‘Your meal’ s on the house. I bet studying abroad must be tough for ya.’

           Pawin went to Mr. Anawat’s restaurant more often. While he enjoyed the food, Mr. Anawat would come to talk to him from time to time. He even confessed with him about the burden in his heart.

           ‘I used to love Mum very much, you know. Sure, my life ain’t easy, for we’re quite poor, but my Mum’s always supportive for whatever I do. And she’s such a good listener. We’ve been so close until… until I found out she’s kept me from seeing my Dad. Now I’ll never see him again.’

           Mr. Anawat seemed to hesitate before he finally asked.

           ‘I’m sorry, Pawin, if it might confuse you. But what’s your surname?’

           ‘It’s Sooksaran. Why?’

           Mr. Anawat suddenly hugged him and said in a trembling voice.

           ‘Oh, I knew it’s you. My son! The name! The face! The same as my boy! Bless your soul, I finally found you!’

           Pawin was speechless. Father and son hugged each other after many years of separation. When they were calm from such a heartfelt discovery, his newly found Dad invited him to stay at his house to save his money. His stepmother, upon learning about him, was glad for Dad and treated him extra nice.

           ‘How’s your Mum?’ asked Dad, when they were both walking one day.

           ‘Why do you still care? She’s tried to keep me away from you. Aren’t you angry with her?’

           Dad shook his face.

           ‘Though it upset me sometimes, that she never let me see you. At least, I’m glad she raised you a smart, kind young man. I knew she loved you very much.’

           ‘Maybe she did’, Pawin hesitated. ‘Or maybe she was just selfish.’

           ‘We’re all humans, son. Even the most kind-hearted person can make mistakes. Think how many mistakes you must have made when you were young. Did your Mum shun you for that?’

           Pawin shook his head, though reluctantly.

           ‘Exactly. Your Mum only made one mistake, for loving you. Can’t you forgive her at all, son?’

           ‘I dunno’, Pawin’s ego faltered a bit. ‘Dad, why do you try to protect Mum so much after all that?’

           ‘Well, to be honest, my life is quite perfect. I have a happy peaceful life in New Zealand with my wife. And I finally found you. On the other hand, your Mum has only you. And I know she must be wretched, thinking that you still hate her. Please, son, call her and tell her you forgive her. At least, for me.’

           Pawin hesitated.

           ‘I’ll consider that.’

           Many months, Mum couldn’t eat or drink well. She became so skinny from devastation, thinking only of her dear son. How many calls had she made and he had never received it? All was her faults. Mum sobbed on the table. Every day, dinner was prepared for two, especially Pawin’s favourit Kra Pao rice, expecting Pawin’s arrival at any moment. These days she knew nothing of her son if he was doing fine or not.

           Suddenly, a bell rang. Mum wiped her tears and went to open the door. Imagine what a surprise when he found who was standing there.

           ‘I…it’s my college’s break. So I came back to stay home.’

           ‘Pawin…I…I’m sorry…I’

           Mum was stammering. Oh, tears were pouring from her eyes again. Pawin was distraught to see how much pain he had inflicted on her. He couldn’t bear it. He quickly hugged her. Oh, how skinny had Mum become.

           ‘No, Mum! I’m sorry, Mum. Even after everything you’ve done for me…Can you forgive me?’

           ‘Of course, sweetie’, said Mum readily, kissing his forehead. ‘I’m never angry with you. Can you forgive me too?’

           ‘Yes, Mum.’

           That dinner was so much more heartwarming than other dinners Pawin and Mum had had in years. Such a strange, pleasant feeling when Pawin finally forgave. He felt that as though the mountain in his heart had been lifted. And the rest was only pure joy. Best of all was the smile on Mum’s face. That was the best sight to behold.