Juns Guilt

“Listen to me for once,” I said forcefully to the small bakeneko. Despite my frequent refusal to help the kid, they continued to follow me like a lost puppy. Kare, the young Bakeneko, was someone I chose to help when they happened to be injured, thanks to me. That was the only thing I wanted to do with this kid. However, ever since then, for an entire week, Kare kept following me. 

“I helped you out once, kid; now you need to go away.” Kare’s ears lowered, upset at my harsh words. The determined look never left their face, though, as they shook their head adamantly and clung to my arm.

“Let me go, or I am going to hurt you, kid.” Kare shook their head again, now whining as they seemed about to cry. 

“Fuck seriously, leave me alone, kid! I killed your parents; why would you stay with me.” The words themselves made me feel sick and full of guilt, but I held my stern look despite the horrible feelings rising. Kare shook their head again; this was seriously starting to get more than annoying at this point. 

Kare began to choke out trembling words, “you didn’t know Jun. You helped me when I was hurt.” Kare once again started crying uncontrollably. This always happened every time I mentioned the kid’s parents. My anger subsided and was replaced with just guilt and pity now.

I shook the bakeneko off my arm, making them fall on the ground as they wiped the tears that continued to fall from their eyes. I wished I had never met a survivor from that town; maybe then the pit in my stomach would have eventually disappeared. I turned around, only glancing back once before walking away from the weeping kid. I needed to get back to the cave to hide. Ever since the hunters found my sister, I could barely sleep paranoid that I would be the next dragon killed by those bastard humans.

By the time I got back, it was dark, hiding anyone and myself from clear view making the anxiety even worse. I retreated into the small opening of my cave and took a deep breath calming down. I wasn’t weak, but if my sister could be taken by surprise, then I could be as well. I couldn’t let my guard down, not for a second. I cut into the killed boar I managed to track and kill with my claws. The only good thing lately was that I could easily eat my favorite meat with how abundant the boar population was in the forest.

I spent a while savoring the food discarding the corpse outside quickly for the scavengers to finish picking at. It was nice and cold in the cave, but the unpleasant thoughts regarding Kare kept piling up the less I had to distract me. I spent the rest of the night awake using some of the blood from the boar as paint. Dipping my finger into the blood and pressed it against the cold stone wall. 

A faint light from the crack in the entrance illuminated my painting, a small cat. I sighed, dropping my hands to the floor; I can’t keep doing this anymore. With the thought in mind, I left the cave to go through my daily routine of getting water and some food for the night. Kare stood outside my cave, only a few feet away, staring intently at me as if on cue. I looked a bit harder and saw how small the kid was. 

“Fuck” I said to myself, turning left, hoping the bakeneko would not follow me today. No such luck, though, as I heard running steps approach behind me. Kare looked up at me with a forced smile. Instead of entertaining them today, though, I turned back around, acting as if I hadn’t noticed them. The bakeneko stayed silent the entire time, and when it was time for me to go home, Kare smiled and waved goodbye to me. The feeling of guilt kept getting stronger every time I saw them.

After that day, rather than talk or try to fruitlessly convince the bakeneko to leave me alone, I stayed silent. However, the kid began to speak more and more as the days went by, seeming genuinely happy for reasons unknown to me. They never talked about their parents, just about how they spent the day before; no matter how boring or uneventful it was, they always spoke cheerfully. 

It was the same start to my day consistently as I spent my days listlessly eating and sleeping. However, Kare seemed significantly less cheerful this time. I felt a slight bit of worry come over me hearing their quiet and anxious-ridden voice.

“Jun, I saw some hunters last night; they were scary.” The words triggered my anger and paranoia leaving me speechless as I desperately held back the emotions that threatened to burst out any second. 

“I hid in the tree as a cat, so they didn’t see me, but I saw a dead body on one of their horses. It made me feel bad.” I stopped walking and stood frozen as my balled-up fists trembled.

“Where were they?” I tried to keep calm, but my voice was low with quiet growls every breath. I turned to see Kare with their arms crossed and backed up, a little intimidated by me.

“I don’t know.” Their tail flicked side to side as they anxiously looked around, avoiding eye contact.

“Are you lying to me?” Any concern I had for the kid was gone as I desperately wanted to know where the bastards were camping out. 

Kare shook their head and backed up a little more. “I am not lying!” It was clear that they were or they were just anxious. Based on where Kare often said they slept at night, I could guess the general area the hunters were in. Hopefully, they hadn’t gone too far; I thought as I walked past Kare leaving them shaking and calling out to me.

I walked to the dense overgrowth of Vio fruit trees and searched around until I found a campfire that seemed to be extinguished recently. It smelled like blood, dragons blood. I had to kill these bastards no matter what this time.

I spent the rest of the day until night following the scent of the dragons’ blood until I saw a lit fire a distance away. I didn’t precisely have stealth on my side thanks to my large build and long tail and wings but being cautious was pointless. I stepped carefully closer, avoiding making as much sound as possible, and began to overhear the sound of triumphant men speaking.

“Just one more in this area, then it is all clear. Damn, I wish these dragons here weren’t so weak.” I felt my nails dig into my palm as I listened to the cruel words they spoke. 

“Listen, the sooner I can go home, the happier I am.” 

“No, no, what you want is to be able to show Kai how well we did. Maybe we will be promoted from simple hunter to an actual fighter on the front lines with the three dragons we got here.”

That was all I needed to know; this was definitely the hunter that killed my sister. I stopped holding back my emotions, and in an instant, I was fully transformed into a dragon nearly as tall as the trees in the forest now. The three boisterous men now screamed, looking up with terrified expressions. The feeling of satisfaction came from seeing how scared these men were of a creature they said was weak moments ago. 

Two of them ran to grab their crossbows by the fire, while the third one pulled out a sword and held a defensive stance. I took a step forward, making the ground shake around me a little. I wanted to savor this moment, the moment that the life left their bodies. I raised my front legs and swiped at them. The one holding the sword was more agile as they jumped back, nearly avoiding my claws. While the other two got hit, sending them flying and falling to the ground.

A prickling sensation came from my front leg I used to swipe with. It was the swordsman attempting to attack me. The blade was not strong enough to pierce my scales, and I raised my foot, knocking them back a bit. It was just sad; the only reason they could kill my sister was because of dirty, unhanded tricks. In a real fight with a dragon, they were just pitiful. The two I hit earlier hadn’t risen and stayed on the ground, not making a sound. The swordsman began to attempt to retreat, however, running deeper into the woods.

It was pitch black, with the tall and thick trees preventing the moonlight from illuminating the ground. When fully transformed, though, it was pointless to hide from me. With a deep breath, I lowered my head and released a freezing breath that froze everything in solid ice in front of me. The small patch of the forest now frozen held the swordsman in it. I looked back toward the camp area where the two men still lay unconscious or dead. 

I transformed back into my humanoid form and felt the chill in the air now. I walked into the camp and looked at the damage done. The corpse of the dragon was left undamaged by me. However, it had multiple stab wounds and some wounds caused by arrows from when they were killed. It was painful to look at “I got them for you guys.” I said, hoping my words brought the unknown dragon and my sister some peace in their death. 

Now looking toward the two bowmen, I stepped closer to one of them. He was bent impossibly; I must have broken his spine. I lifted their head to see the face of the bastard. Their face was covered in blood; a sudden pain pierced my back. 

It wasn’t painful at all “who the hell?” I turned around to see who shot, and the other man I thought was unconscious stood on wobbly legs holding the crossbow with unsteady hands. I stood and charged with a loud growl baring my teeth, grabbed their neck, and bit deeply into their shoulder, making them cry out in pain. As my sharp teeth sunk into the humans’ skin, I tasted iron, hating the taste, but my anger fueled me on.

Everything was black as I clawed and crushed the small human in my hands. The only sound I heard was a trembling voice calling out my name. It sounds familiar. The voice became more apparent as I found myself suddenly feeling weak. I fell to my knees as my entire body began to burn up, and I felt dizzy. 

“Fuck...I” before I could say anymore I suddenly felt cold and everything went dark as I felt my conscience leave me. When I opened my eyes, it was white; everything around me was bright white, making me shield my eyes. A voice shook me to my core as I uncovered my eyes.

“Why Jun?” It was my sister’s sweet voice. She stood looking as healthy as I always saw her. The familiar ice blue eyes looked at me with a sad smile. Hot tears escaped my eyes before I could even tell why and I reached out.

“Sister, your alive,” I said, trembling as I cried. She shook her head and looked at me with a sad face. Why? Why did she seem so sorry if she was alive?

“You couldn’t save me when it mattered, brother. Your weak, what will these men’s death do now? Nothing, you let me die!” Her words were harsh, filled with malice and pain. My chest hurt; I couldn’t stand it. I wanted to die. I couldn’t save her, and I just hurt innocent townspeople in my anger. I sunk to the floor, burying my head in my hands, crying as I begged to hear her usual kind and reassuring words. 

Suddenly I felt like I really was sinking as my body slowly lowered into the white floor. I was suffocating; I couldn’t breathe. “I’m sorry!” I repeated until I suddenly felt a slight impact on my cheek. The world around me was normal again; I was staring up at the light blue sky. I coughed the heavy feeling in my chest, making it hard to breathe as I tried to catch my fast and unsteady breaths.

“Jun! It’s okay. Please wake up!” The familiar voice pleaded. Kare? I turned and saw the bakeneko kneeled by my side, holding back tears as they held a bloody cloth in their hand. I felt my breathing steady as the kid’s voice brought me back to reality. My face was wet as I wiped at my cheeks, finding tears.

“Your okay!” Kare hugged me tightly, now crying onto my chest. I found myself feeling a sense of comfort and brought my hands to the bakeneko’s head and patted their head silently as I finally gave in to my desire to just relax after so long of feeling lost and angry.