The hollow

 This field felt like home. These trees felt like home. Even those damn bumblebees felt comforting as I swatted them away from my legs and arms. The sight and smells of blue and green and gold and sandalwood perfume take me back. They take me back to you. To cool grass beneath my feet, standing knee-deep until my legs burned with red. In the thicket, I wait for you. You said you’d be here by ten. But now it’s half-past three. Still, I wait for you. I doze off under the shade of a live oak. Still, I wait for you. At four, I see your face behind the trees. You emerge windless, in the constant state of undress that you always appeared in. A true hippie-child. A wild soul with an even wilder mind. Woolf trots along beside your heels, nipping at the low-flying butterflies and bees. He barks your arrival and I reach down to pet his spotted head. “Good morning, my dear.” “Good afternoon, I think,” I reply. You were late, as you always were. I knew you too well, yet, I still expected change. I expected an impromptu meeting to be punctual. But, you lived in a world and schedule of your own. Time wasn't your friend. It was hard to tell time around you. The magnetic draw of your soul destroyed all time and space. How long had I known you now? It felt like an eternity. You had entered my life as quickly as you left it. A thunderstorm upon the horizon leaving nothing but destruction and faint tinges of sandalwood and rose in your path. Right here on this hill was our spot. We explored the world around and inside us. This was your perch on the old live oak where you talked about our future, oh! The things we saw beyond those mountains and this familiar green valley. The plans that we made were wilder than any fairytale I'd ever heard. You’d sail away with me. We’d become nuns. We’d go exploring across the great blue sea. We’d pick up stray animals and kids and settle down to read tarot cards in some big city. We’d sell flowers at the market to pay for our wild ideas. Talk politics at all hours of the day and night. Become local nuisances and run protests and radical ideas on local campuses. We became our ideals. We lived like Stevie, drank like Ozzy, and partied like Elton. We spouted wild child ideals across the four corners of our town until we became the rainbow duo. Until we grew too big for here. Until the feeling of money in my hand and your touch against mine created a fire that melted my heart and my senses. Until it became all I could think about. I’d dream more than I’d work. Until my daydreams became my reality. Until I lost myself in the fantasy of it all and forgot that you were the one who started it. And then you were gone. As quickly as you came into my life, you left it. So I was back. Don't ask me why...I don't know. Until Alec had left, I truly hadn't thought of you. But he had left and I was here. I take off my shoes to feel the familiar grass underneath me. It still smelled like sandalwood and rose- as if your presence had never truly left this place- the hollow. I'd come back for healing. The hollow and its coffee shops and rainy nights seemed the perfect place to heal. Caffeine and rain and flowers are all you need for a broken heart. The bugs covered my arms and legs in bites. Not that I could see my feet anymore they were covered by what you used to so fondly call my mosquito bites. They had swelled in the past few months giving me no warning that shoes were a thing of the past. And the bite that Alec had left on my life- his little girl unwillingly along for the move back to The Hollow. I'd become exactly who you said I'd be- a wife, an expectant mother, and a drone in the world. I wore shoes and makeup, I ate food from a grocery store and I paid my rent. I was the people we made fun of. I lose my train of thought and my balance and tumble over a tree root. Arms catch me and you appear in front of me. You, truly you. A dirty, messy feminine shape. A familiar face, a curved smile, and bright brown eyes. Your thick curly hair brushes against my face and I can feel my small intake of breath and a rush of blood as sandalwood makes its way to my nose. A smile spreads across your eyes and mouth and skin, illuminating the high cheekbones and large defined nose of your beautiful face. " We meet again." You say. I pull my hands to your face to touch. Is it really you? From beneath your legs, a little girl peeks. Afro as big as her head and eyes as bright as yours. She was yours, and she was just as beautiful as you had always been and would always be. Your eyes scan me up and down and pull me into a tight hug. "I can't believe it's you." You say. I breathe in the smell of you and smile. "We've made your dream happen," I say while looking at our two children. I run my fingers over the new lines on your face, what I had last seen as a child was now a woman. A fuller, taller figure with wiser, kinder eyes. I don't need to see to find your lips and I lean into the darkness and your warmth, knowing you'd always be there to hold onto. Then, the universe is back in balance as it once was- as it always will be, two women becoming one standing on a hill in a hollow somewhere.