Bittersweet

Six days.

Six more days, and I would be free. My chest tightened at the thought. I was anxious at the idea of leaving my parents (specifically my mom), but we all knew my upcoming move was the start of an exciting adventure for me. I’d been accepted to my dream university – University of California, Berkeley – to pursue a degree in electrical engineering, which also meant moving across the country from everything I’d ever known. It was a bittersweet feeling to know I’d soon be moving on from this shit town. In fact, I could almost taste –

Nope. That was blood. I raised my hand to my lip and pulled back. Yep, my lip was busted again. I’d have to clean that up before my parents woke up. I rolled out of bed slowly, wincing as I stood on sore legs and slowly made my way to assess the damage.

I lost last night; that much was evident as I looked at myself in the mirror and felt around for new injuries. I hated losing. I was too old and had been practicing too long to be losing like this. I lifted my shirt and noticed a few bruises, but it seemed my lip got the worst of it.

After cleaning myself up, I walked down the hall and into the kitchen, the smell of freshly-cooked bacon leading my way. Never in my life had my parents cooked this much, but I suppose they wanted me to get my fill of home cooking before I was resigned to a life of ramen and cereal.

“Good morning!” My mom’s face brightened as I entered the room. I smiled softly as I noticed her puffed eyes but chose not to comment. She’d been crying again.

My dad gently laid a hand on her shoulder. “We’re just gonna miss you, bud,” he sighed.

“I know. Me too.” I grabbed a plate and started loading it with eggs. “What’s the plan today?” We had been cramming each day full of activities. I liked to think it was just to keep my parents’ minds busy, but truth is I’m almost just as upset as they are. A lump formed in my throat that I forced myself to swallow.  

“We thought we’d go see a movie, or we can have a movie marathon here,” my dad replied. “The hurricane is hitting the coast as we speak so anything outdoors is not happening this week.”

I mulled it over for half a second. There wasn’t anything in theaters I desperately wanted to see. “Lord of the Rings?” I grinned.

The doorbell rang, and I hit pause before jumping up to run to the door. We were in the middle of the Two Towers. “Pizza’s here!” I announced as I grabbed the boxes from the delivery guy and handed him a generous tip.

My parents met me at the kitchen table and we all sat down to eat. I sighed as I bit in to my first slice. Sausage and mushrooms – my favorite.

“I think I might take a nap after this,” my mom announced.

I raised an eyebrow at her. “We can watch something else if you want.”

She laughed. “No, it’s not that. I’m just tired, and I know you probably want to spend some time with your friends before you leave.”

I sighed. “I already told you Mom, I’m the only one who hasn’t left for college yet.” I paused for a beat. “Except Mark, and I don’t like that guy. I can just work on packing my things, and we can watch the rest of the movie later.”

My mom’s mood visibly changed after I mentioned packing, though she didn’t say anything. She just smiled and kissed my forehead. “Wake me if I’m not up by dinner,” she said before heading to the master bedroom to lay down.

My dad frowned after her, then looked at me and forced a smile. “We’re both excited for you. We’re just going to miss you, like I said.”

“I know.”

We both pushed back from the table, and he went to the living room while I cleaned up the kitchen. He turned on the TV and flipped to the Golf channel, and by the time I was back in my room, I could hear him snoring on the couch.

Mom popped her head into my room around four o’clock. “I guess your father is still asleep. Want to help me with dinner? I’m thinking fajitas.”

“Sure!” I jumped up and followed her to the kitchen. We washed our hands and started pulling out what we needed from the refrigerator and pantry.

With a loud bang, the front door slammed against the entry wall. “WHERE ARE YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH?”

We both jumped in shock. We weren’t expecting that – not this early. I grabbed my mom’s wrist and quickly pulled her with me into the bathroom. We swung the door shut and locked it. Footsteps echoed down the hallway as my dad made his way to us. He started pounding on the door.

“COME OUT AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN! YOU THINK YOU CAN FUCKING HIDE FROM ME? I MADE YOU!” He kept pounding. My mom started crying and I put my arms around her. I hadn’t even noticed him leave the house. Where did he go?

“Shh, mom. It’s okay,” I gently reassured her. We had made it into the bathroom in time. I wasn’t so lucky last night. Now, we just had to wait out the night…or at least until he sobered up. I looked down into her scared eyes and made the final call on a decision I had been sitting on for days. “I can’t leave you here, Mom. He’s worse than ever.”

She looked at me with a furrowed brow. “Caden, stop. You’re going. It’s your dream school!”

“Come with me then. California is nice.”

“You know I can’t,” she laughed slightly, then sighed. “I can’t leave your father.”

“Mom. He beats you every night!”

“Only the nights he drinks,” she interjected.

“Mom –”

“Caden, drop it. I’m fine.” She grabbed either side of my face and looked at me pointedly. “I love him, and I’m not leaving. I don’t want you to stay either.”

“But – “

“No.”

I sighed and closed my eyes. “I just don’t understand.”

She sighed and smiled. “I know.”

I noticed then that the pounding on the door hadn’t ceased. It was amazing how much we’d learned to tune out over the last few years. “- WILL KICK DOWN THIS DOOR YOU SON OF A BITCH! I HATE YOU BOTH, YOU KNOW THAT?” Mom’s breath caught, and she started to cry again. I had always heard that drunk words were sober thoughts, but apparently she didn’t seem to think that was the case.

We waited huddled in the bathroom for over three hours. Finally, we could hear my dad stumbling down the hall and into the bedroom, and I let out a long breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding. Mom squeezed me a little tighter before letting go, and we helped each other to our feet.

The next morning, I once again woke to the smell of freshly-cooked bacon wafting into my bedroom. I could hear my mom giggling at something my dad said, followed by the sounds of them kissing and then more laughter. I rolled over with a sigh and faced the wall.

Five days.

Five more days, and I would be free.