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Fiction Funny

Riley was thrilled about her college acceptance until she heard her parents' idea of a solution to her student housing needs.

“Stay with Grandma? You must be kidding.”

“No, we are not,” said her mother firmly. “You’re going to be in the same town as her. Her husband recently died, so she could use some company. The Lord knows our budget’s tight enough that we can use the free accommodation. It’s a win-win situation.”

Riley had sulked for a week but finally gave in. Her dad was in the military, and they had moved frequently, including overseas. Contact with her grandmother had consisted of birthday and Christmas cards. Riley had to admit there was usually a generous amount of money tucked inside for which she laboriously wrote thank you notes throughout her childhood. She knew that her grandparents had divorced when her father was very young, and her grandmother had remarried more than once. Details were sketchy and her parents always changed the subject when she inquired, so Riley eventually gave up asking. She imagined her grandmother as a fussy old lady who would constantly complain about the younger generation and began to dread the start of her classes.

Her father having been moved to a new post yet again, she traveled on her own to her grandmother’s house, by train and then cab. She was puzzled as the cab traversed the city through the suburbs to ever more elegant neighborhoods. She held out the paper with the address to the driver as he pulled up in front of a mansion.

“Are you sure we are in the right place?”

“We are indeed, miss.”

Riley looked down at her sweatshirt and torn jeans.

“I hope they allow me in the front door,” she said.

The driver chuckled as he helped her with her luggage, which consisted of one of her dad’s old kitbags and a backpack.

“Good luck, miss,” he called as he pulled away.

Riley waved and turned to ring the doorbell. After what seemed like a very long time, the door opened, and her grandmother stood there beaming. Her perfectly coiffed hair was now snow white, but otherwise she seemed to have hardly aged from the photographs Riley had seen.

“You are such a grown-up young lady that you will have to call me Pearl. I’d feel ancient if you called me Grandma. Come on in.”

Riley smiled nervously.

“I’ll show you up to your room in a moment, but it’s cocktail time, dear,” Pearl said, showing Riley into an elegantly furnished drawing room. “What’ll you have?”

“Ginger ale, thanks. I don’t drink much.”

“Got to keep a clear head for all that studying. I understand. Don’t let me be a bad influence,” Pearl said, her eyes twinkling. “

“I am very sorry for your loss,” Riley said awkwardly.

Pearl paused to dab at her eyes with a lace handkerchief.

“Poor, dear Mort. I miss him, but he was a lot older than me, so his passing was not a surprise. I am rattling around like a pea in a bucket in this big house by myself. It will be so nice to have some company and you must feel free to invite friends over.”

Riley began to relax. This beautiful home was certainly more comfortable than student accommodation. Pearl showed her around the luxurious guest apartment. Riley, used to army accommodation and cheap rentals, gaped. She felt her feet sink into the carpet and surreptitiously kicked her shoes off. She swore to herself that she would never forget to use a coaster.

“This is beautiful, Gra…I mean, Pearl. Thank you very much.”

“You thought you were coming to stay with someone who was one step away from the nursing home, didn’t you?” Pearl said, with a sly smile.

Riley looked sheepish.

“Can’t blame you,” Pearl said cheerfully. “I’d have felt the same way in your place. You seem like a responsible young lady. We won’t cramp each other’s style.”

Slightly puzzled, Riley smiled and nodded.

Everything went well at first. She enjoyed her classes and began to make friends. Her grandmother’s house was far enough away from the university that she never bumped into other students and she easily deflected questions about where she lived. Early in the semester, she locked gazes across the classroom with a handsome young man and her heart fluttered. She glanced at him long enough to see that he had thick, auburn hair and warm brown eyes. Irritated with herself, she averted her gaze. She had despised the girls in high school who spent their time twittering over guys with all the ensuing drama and cliques. Between that and a high school romance which had seriously dented her self-confidence, she had vowed that there would be no romantic distractions in her life. Fortunately for her peace of mind, he seemed to be shy and never tried to approach.

 She settled comfortably into her grandmother's house. Her room overlooked the garden. It was a peaceful environment in which to study until Pearl resumed her social life.

"Mort would have want me to go on," she declared.

“Mom, it’s unbelievable,” Riley wailed on a phone call to her mother. “She told me she likes to have her friends over for a game of bridge or her book club. The girls, as she calls them, arrive. They’re all her age. I was expecting them to be drinking tea with their pinkies crooked. Before you know it, they’ve got the old-time music blasting and they’re drinking and singing. I can’t hear myself think. They’re going till two in the morning sometimes and I must get up early for class. She’s not very steady when she’s been drinking. I’m worried she’ll fall down the stairs. I’d have expected this in a student dorm, not with a bunch of old ladies.”

“The moral of the story is that you shouldn’t underestimate old ladies,” her mother said.

“Thanks,” Riley said, reluctantly laughing.

The late nights never seemed to faze Pearl. When Riley came home the day after the parties, Pearl would be up and around, immaculately dressed and made up. She even coordinated her gym outfits, zipping off to her workouts in a glossy black Mercedes.

“Mort loved nice cars,” she told Riley. “I think about him when I’m driving.”

Whether it was because of Mort or not, Pearl was one of the most distracted drivers Riley had ever encountered and she did her best to avoid accepting rides with her. The suggestion that Pearl might want to give up driving was met with scorn.

“I’ve never had an accident,” she said airily.

“You’ve probably caused a few,” Riley muttered under her breath.

“I like the Wednesday water aerobics class the best,” she said to Riley as she packed her gym bag. “That instructor is a sight for sore eyes in his swim shorts. It’s a shame he doesn’t wear Speedos.”

Riley felt her face flame.

“Sorry if I shocked you, dear,” Pearl said. “I forget that you young people think everyone over the age of forty is decrepit. I’ll behave better, I promise. See you later!”

She waved as she bustled out, leaving Riley speechless.

When Riley returned to the house that evening, she was puzzled to see a dilapidated old car parked in the driveway in front of Pearl’s Mercedes. The left front fender of the Mercedes was dented and scraped. As battered as it was, it was hard to tell if there was any fresh damage to the old car. She hurried inside to find Pearl.

“In here, dear,” came a voice from the kitchen.

Pearl was fussing over the auburn-haired student who was sitting at the kitchen table clutching a cloth to his head. He and Riley looked at each other in surprise and mutual recognition.

“Do you two know each other?” Pearl said.

“By sight,” Riley said. “We’ve never been introduced.”

“Really? Edward, this is my granddaughter, Riley. We had a little mishap as I was turning into the driveway. I dinged Edward’s car. I was a little preoccupied, I must admit. Luckily, he had his seat belt on, but he still bumped his head. I’ll take care of his car of course.”

“I’m okay,” Edward said, straightening up. He had a bruise on his forehead but otherwise seemed fine. “Really. I must be going.”

“Do you live near here?” Riley said.

“I do odd jobs and gardening in this area,” he said. “I’ll be late for my next client if I don’t hurry. Maybe I’ll see you around at school, Riley.”

He hurried out, nodding goodbye.

“That’s a nice young man,” Pearl said as he left.

“Grand… Pearl,” said Riley, rounding on her grandmother. “Haven’t you ever heard of stranger danger? Inviting someone you don’t know into the house? He could have been an axe murderer for all you knew.”

Pearl sat down, suddenly looking old and pale despite her make-up.

“Don’t scold, dear. I feel terrible for what happened. It scared me. It’s one thing if I get hurt, but it would be terrible if I hurt someone else. I think you might be right about me giving up driving.”

This shocked Riley more than anything she’d yet heard from her grandmother. She fetched her a glass of water and sat down beside her.

“Pearl, I can do some driving for you and so can some of your friends.”

Pearl patted her hand.

“That’s kind of you, dear, but it wouldn’t work. I’d hate to be dependent on other people for favors like that. There’s something I need to tell you.”

A few days later Riley saw Edward on campus. He smiled as she approached.

“How are you?” she said.

“I was sore for a day or two, nothing worse,” he said. “Do you have time for a coffee?”

She nodded and they walked slowly to the cafeteria.

“How is your grandmother?” he said when they were seated with their drinks. “She’s a character.”

Riley laughed.

“She certainly is. It sounds weird but I’m almost glad she had that accident, although I’m sorry it happened to you. It convinced her she should stop driving. She’s selling her home and she and some of her girlfriends are planning to move into shared housing together in a retirement community.”

“Don’t feel sorry for me,” said Edward. “She insisted on giving me an extremely generous sum of money. I won’t have to work for the rest of the semester. I was also introduced to you. I’d never have got up the nerve to speak to you otherwise.”

“She’s giving me a housing allowance since I’ll have to find somewhere else to stay,” Riley said. “Told me she’d rather spend her money while she can because there aren’t any pockets in a shroud. I tell you, that retirement community doesn’t know what’s coming.”

Edward grinned, then took a deep breath.

“Speaking of housing, there’s a vacancy coming up where I’m living, but I don’t want you to think I’m trying to pressure you or anything.”

Riley looked at him thoughtfully.

“I think that’s something I might look into.”

Edward exhaled in relief.

“Phew. Your grandmother threatened me with terrible consequences if I didn’t ask you!”

June 16, 2023 12:17

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2 comments

Mary Bendickson
15:18 Jun 16, 2023

Never can predict those old ladies. 70's the new 50's? I resemble that. Got a birthday this month!!

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15:33 Jun 16, 2023

Happy birthday when it comes! We have to remind the young'uns not to misunderestimate us!

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